Post # 1
The other day, I was talking to a friend about how I thought I knew when SO was going to propose. I went on to say that SO told me I can start looking at venues and details to price out the wedding.
She seemed like this was a bit of a crazy idea. She was saying that she thinks it’s better when the girl doesn’t expect a proposal at all etc etc. I told her it’s a bit different when you date someone for 6 years without a proposal vs. a short period of time and then he proposes. How can a girl date someone for 6 years without starting to speculate a proposal? (it’s not like I actually know when he’s gonna do it, Just guessing) And she thought it was hilarious that I was actually looking at venues.
I think that only waiting bees really understand what it means to wait. I think those who have never had a long term relationship without a proposal would never truely get the whole “waiting” idea.
Have any of you talked about wedding/proposal ideas with friends who didn’t understand?
Post # 3
I did, mostly family. specifically my sister who thought i was loco. first thing she said ‘but wheres the ring?’ honestly when i first came here i thought it was kindof odd too.
i always felt that without a ring its kindof wierd to be looking at venues and calling vendors when youre ringless and its not ‘official’
but as you said when its been years of dating, circumstances are a little different. but you cant expect them to ‘get it’ which is why i kept it to myself after that..
Post # 4
@memo: All of my friends understood because we all were in relationships for 2+ years. Not quite 6 years, but long enough and also at a point in our lives where we felt a proposal would be coming.
I don’t think it’s weird to be looking at venues. Depending on your area, when you want to have your wedding, and how long of an engagement you want; places can book up pretty fast.
Post # 5
Oh I definitely agree. My sister & I had a very awkward conversation about a year ago about this. My sister and I were having a chat in the living room and I also happened to have my laptop open to wedding bee. Out of nowhere she just burst out laughing, and told me how funny she thinks it is that I look at wedding stuff & I’m not engaged yet. She then continued to insult my relationship (and that’s another story completely).
She’s a few years older than me, and has never really been in a serious long term relationship. So I guess she just doesn’t get what its like to just “know” its coming. We’ve been together for 4 years & if I honestly didn’t think this man was going to marry me, we probably wouldn’t be together. But after 4 years of dating, sharing a household, and sharing 2 beautiful furbabies, of course we talk about marriage. Of course we discuss when we want to be engaged, tie the knot, buy a house, have kids. . . No its not a surprise. And in my opinion, it really shouldn’t be.
Post # 6
@memo: I know! Like they expect you to just sit on your thumb and spin around all day knowing your proposal and wedding planning is coming soon? My FI did the same thing, he told me to start getting wedding stuff ready and pricing things out, emailing vendors, looking at ideas, ect. Because he was planning on proposing, and he wanted to make sure I wasn’t overwhemled. We’ve talked about an ideal wedding year since we got together, so it wasn’t a total shock, but I was SO excited.
I was so hesitant to tell my girlfriends about it because I knew they would do their thing where they choose to be skeptical and try to warn me about stuff instead of just being happy for me. Man. It’s like I have to beg them to just relax and be happy for me.
Same with family. I have a bad case of ALWAYS being the youngest in the group though. I’m the baby of the family, the youngest of my girlfriends, I was even the youngest in my class my entire way through grade school because I got pushed up a year. Just constantly being the youngest one that people think they need to.. I don’t even know, protect you? It’s sweet, in a way, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes I just need “Oh my gosh, that’s so exciting, congrats!” way more than I need “Well, you should always wait until the ring is actually on your finger before you even start thinking about a wedding… Marriage is a big deal.. Don’t rush into things. You’re so young.”
It’s frustrating! I agree!
Post # 7
@SincerelyShe: Wow, how condesending! I also have a big sister who is maybe a little more supportive than yours I think.. haha, but she does have a bad tendency to kind of burst my bubble and make me feel like a little kid again who’s getting her hopes up.
I’m way too curious now, how did hse insult your relationship? And what does she care if you’re on WeddingBee?! Big deal! lol, and her just killing herself laughing at it.. lol, I can feel your pain. I know exactly how that feels. And living together and being with one another for 4 years, having 2 dogs, COME ON! Of COURSE you’re talking about marriage! It’s the next step! She sounds like she was just trying to stir the pot. 😛
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Ranch
I’m engaged now, but while I was waiting EVERYONE had to comment on how funny it was that I was looking at wedding ideas without a ring. We have been together for over nine years and knew we’d be getting engaged soon. I totally understand you!
Post # 9
in a way I agree, but on the other hand, if you’ve been together that long, haven’t you already discussed a timeline? why are you speculating when a proposal is going to happen?
Post # 10
@memo: I don’t think it’s weird if there is an understanding that a proposal is coming and he’s given you the green light to start doing your wedding homework. I would probably be private about it, though to avoid shamless comments from people. I think they do it out of jealousy or envy a lot of the time. Some women have gone wedding dress shopping before their bf’s proposed, but they knew it would be coming soon so they started the planning already. FI and I were together for almost 4 years when he proposed (I knew it was coming) and I had started looking at venues, etc for ideas. The only people I shared with were my very close girlfriends who did the same thing before they were married/engaged. They could relate to me. Also weren’t jealous since they were ahead of me in the game! I don’t share anything with any of my friends who are waiting bee’s because I don’t want to make it seem like I am rubbing it in their face. Now I am off topic, so hopefully you won’t be a waiting bee anymore!
p.s. I knew exactly when FI was going to propose to me (he was acting out of character) but it was still just as amazing and wonderful as it would have been even if I was caught completely off guard. So your friend is wrong!
Post # 11
@strawbs: His timeline is within the next 1.5 years, but he specifically made this a longer timeline so I couldn’t figure out when he’s gonna do it. Obviously, I’m still gonna try and figure it out! lol I’m a sneeky girl.
Post # 12
@memo: ah okay. don’t complain later about “ruining it”. 🙂
Post # 13
@memo: deleted, upon rereading, I misunderstood your post.
Post # 14
@memo: From experience I can assume that it is envy which causes others to find this sort of thing absurd. I actually do have one friend who was all for talking about future plans when she got back together with a high school sweetheart after graduating from college. And she started her fantasy planning almost immediately after they reunited. Unfortunately he broke up with her a second time, and not surprisingly she now finds waiting immature. In total, they were together for 3 years. My SO and I have been together for 6, and with that much I don’t consider it strange for us to be talking about an engagement in the works, yet it’s easy to see why she gets bitter about it.
Post # 15
I am now engaged after almost 8.5 years of dating, we’ve been living together for 6 years. I knew it was coming, we’d talked about it, we’d looked at ideas but I still found I got some weird attitudes from people. I also found vendors standoffish when they didn’t see a ring or I said I didn’t actually have it yet. I found I also felt a little weird trying to plan without the ring. Even thought I knew why he hadn’t proposed yet and I knew we were getting married others didn’t get it.
Post # 16
I haven’t because I know they won’t get it. Waiting is a secret of mine, I’m sure some could guess but the only one who knows about it for sure is my SO. I think it’s part of what makes this whole thing harder, but I don’t really know anyone that would get it that I’m close enough to talk to.