(Closed) I Really didn’t want to do it but I’m going to have bring out the T word, Tacky!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would be so tempted to buy her a recycling bin…

Post # 4
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would go. I would just assume she wants the money to finance a honeymoon, which makes sense because if she has an established household, she’s not going to have any use for the typical wedding gift ideas (hello, crockpot lol).

Post # 5
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@harleyq:  Exactly what I was thinking. She’s established and doesn’t need yet another kitchen gadget.

Post # 7
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I completely thought enviromental as well.  I think the last laugh will be on her.  I bet everyone out there is looking for energy efficient mixers, or solar powered blenders…lol.

Post # 8
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@LGenz: I’m with ya. 

Either way you look at it, blatently asking for money is a serious no-no but atleast it’s not horrendous when the source is a couple that’s just starting out. Money can obviously help them a lot more than it can an established pre-retiree who assumingly has her own nest egg. 

We actually had a similar thing happen a few years ago at DH’s aunts wedding though she was actually complaining about not getting monetary gifts after the fact. They, too, were much older (late 60’s/early 70’s), business owners, far from hurting for money. We had a hard time figuring out what to get them as their gift so along with my IL’s, we went in on a nice bottle of Dom Perignon. A lot of other people gifted them with gift cards to local restaurants. Apparently they were offended that they didn’t get monetary gifts and made it a point to bitch about it to anyone who would listen (including their wedding guests). Completely ridiculous. 

Post # 9
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@harleyq: Yea, but a lot of young couples have established households, too. DH and I lived together, on our own, for more than 6 years before getting married. We certainly didn’t request monetary gifts. 

Post # 10
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LGenz:  Amen, me too.  That was extremely tacky.  Ugh, some people!

Post # 11
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@UpstateCait:  Agreed.  I know a couple getting married next month and they sent one of those wishing well poems in with their invitations…  yes, they’ve lived together for about a year but in a little apartment?  I know I’m not the one to decide what they need, but please don’t send out a poem in your invites asking for money. 

Post # 12
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@UpstateCait:  I agree that the way it was worded was pretty tacky. I think a note specifying or hinting at what the money is going to be used for is fine but basically just saying “gimme cash!” isn’t very polite.

Post # 13
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@UpstateCait:  I’m sorry I have to say something to this.  Firstly, I don’t think asking for money is ever acceptable.   But, I’m kind of resenting the ageism. 

Just because a couple is older, you can not assume they are financially secure.  Assumptions about a person’s financial status based on age is wrong.  What if we said these young couples don’t need money, they are having their weddings paid for by their parents, so money is just a cash grab by spolied brats. (completely unfair assumptions)

Clearly getting married when you are older means you’ve had some years alone supporting yourself and not the benefit of a combined income, not to mention that you could also have both been coming out of a divorce that cleaned you out.  Raising children while paying child support or without support could possibly have drained you. 

Lastly, if you are set.   Do you really need more toasters, coffee makers, dishes.  Does it not make more sense to give people that already have these items cash, as they can apply it towards something they might need. 

Again, I want to be clear, I don’t ever think its appropriate to ask for cash.   But, I just don’t think you can assume in this day and age that anyone doesn’t need it.

 

Post # 14
Member
3001 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LGenz:  I would buy her a recycling bin 😉

Post # 15
Member
11353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Wow. It’s amazing that this bride not only mentioned gifts on an invitation — but also informed people that she wanted cash. (Miss Manners definitely would need the smelling salts if she received THAT invitation!)

I was in my mid 40s when I finally met and married DH, and, by that time, I had owned my own home for seven years and had almost everything. However, I still chose to register for the kinds of gifts people usually associate with and love to purchase for weddings — china, pretty picture frames, sheets, towels, flatware, kitchen tools, etc. I enjoy knowing that our friends and family loved getting us these things, and we were and still are able to use and benefit from them now —  some for the rest of our lives. (Since I already had plenty of casual dishes as well as my grandmother’s gorgeous, formal china that just happens to coordinate perfectly with the colors in my home, I decided to register for some formal-but-simple white china with a thin silver border — something that would not clash with my fall tablecloths and Christmas linens.) 

Even if this couple did not wish to register for any tangible goods, they still should never have mentioned gifts — let alone the idea of cash — on their invitations.

Post # 16
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m probably in the minority with my opinion, but if a couple wants cash, I rather them say so, or else I will buy them a gift that will go unused or be returned to the store.

As for myself, I wanted specific gifts so I made a registry. People are not obligated to buy me anything, but most will bring some kind of gift. People mention ettiquete and not asking for gifts but most ettiquete has been thrown out the window long ago, and there is no mystery to it that most people attending the wedding will want to bring a gift.

The topic ‘I Really didn’t want to do it but I’m going to have bring out the T word, Tacky!’ is closed to new replies.

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