(Closed) I really don't care what my bridesmaids look like

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh, I really, REALLY did not care what my bridesmaids wore.  They could have worn jeans and a t-shirt for all I cared.  I gave them a color and told them to get whatever dress they felt was best and then I never asked them about it again.  I have no idea when my girls bought their dresses (I’m actually pretty sure 2 of them already owned their dresses) but they all pulled it off just fine.  I think you’ve got the right idea letting go of this one.  If you trust their judgement, they will look great on your wedding day!

Post # 5
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t care what mine wear!! pictures to come since we are 3 days out but all i told them was knee length give or take(i specifically said i dont want to see ass cheeks lol) black dress and red shoes…i did say no like old navy flip flops at least for the ceremony but other than that i dont care…i know what their dresses look like and they are going to fit together well…my Maid/Matron of Honor doesnt have shoes but we will be getting them thursday when she gets here from oot. I’m excited i think they will all look fantastic. and i have NO worries.


Post # 6
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t say I’m “over” any aspect of my wedding, but I wasn’t concerned with my BM’s attire either. I told them a color and a style I liked, but I said run with it. A couple of them have shown me what they got, and they are pretty. I haven’t seen one of my girls dress, and I probably won’t see it until the day of. She will look good and so will all my girls no matter what they wear.

Post # 7
1101 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m in this camp. I told them long (floor length), black, with dress shoes (heels or no heels).

I gave them a $50 gift card to help with expenses (I know it doesn’t cover everything, but just to help), and made their jewelry for them.  

I want them to feel beautiful in their dress. They may ask my opinion when they get around to shopping (which is fine), but this is up to them.

Post # 8
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yep! I’m like this with my MOH’s dress (“wear whatever you want! It can be red, orange, yellow, or brown!”) and also with the flowers for my bouquet (“whatever is at Trader Joes will be fine! I’ll just tie that shit with some ribbon!”). 

On the other hand, I’m freaking out about centerpieces and decoration for some reason. I have no idea why I care so much!

Post # 9
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

HA! I wish I was in this camp. However, I had so much drama over Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses because I had a BMzilla who DROVE ME INSANE for about 7 months. I can’t remember exactly how long she drove me mad… 6 months? 8? I think I might have blocked it out.

When I asked her what she wanted to wear, one of her preferred options could literally have been sold for £12 in a specialist store as a “sexy witch” halloween costume… strapless, cheap velvet corset, with streamers rather than a skirt, finishing mid-thigh, about 3 inches below the crotch. FYI- the wedding is in a church, and FI’s family are extremely conservative. She knew this.

Finally I had to pick, just to get it done and bully them all into making a choice. BMzilla then whined that my choice (a below the knee, tight fitting, v neck retro dress with capped sleeves) was inappropriate for church and that she would feel exposed in it.

*Le sigh*

Post # 10
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@DarthBetty: I think you’re saving yourself so much stress by letting this one go! I told my bridesmaids they could wear whatever as long as it matched, was some shade of blue and wasn’t strapless. They found a dress and I got it for them – as simple as that. As for shoes, I’ve just asked them to wear something in the same colour. Blue, black, white, silver, gold or nude… I’m fine as long as one doesn’t show up in brown loafers while the other one sports pink pumps. The idea of hounding them around to get whatever dress I’ve decided on… urgh, no. I’ve enough stress as it is!

And an aspect I’m DONE with, getting through the legal hoops we have to go through to get married in Sweden. Big head ache!

Post # 11
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@DarthBetty:  I did this too.  I went through an ever changing cast of maids, and the one’s dress I saw literally the morning of my wedding.  I said pick a solid color in this scheme.  But really I didn’t care..and they all looked great.  I feel it’s such a minor issue but girls can make a big deal out of it.  Good luck!

Post # 12
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Good for you!  Give them some firm guidelines (lenth, style and color) so they won’t come back with questions or feel like they don’t have enough to go on and stop caring!!!!

Post # 14
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

lol Love the gifs.

I told my bridesmaids the dress and shoes I wanted them to wear. When it came down to the details, i.e. hair, nails, jewelry, I told them I didn’t give a crap what they wore, lol.

Definitely don’t stress about it! If you’ve given them enough “warning” (i.e. time to get the dress) and they don’t get it, it’s their fault, especially if you’ve reminded them a bunch of times about it.

Post # 15
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@DarthBetty:  sounda familiar.  Don’t even get me started about the drama my Maid/Matron of Honor and supposed friend caused.  We aren’t friends anymore.  I was perfectly happy with her not being there…and none of her family (you mentioned something about being selfish.. normally everyone around them allows them to be selfish right?  So suddenly her family wasnt coming to my wedding because she was upset… and i mean even her grandmother!)  Anyway, in the beginning I tried to get them involved and excited, but no one really seemed that excited because the ones I picked were narcissistic.  But after those ones stepped out of my life it was fine.  If you told them to get their own dresses though… they still have a lot of time, so don’t get too hung up over the details.  When dresses don’t need to be fitted and ordered at a bridal store, they have a lot more freedom.  If you turned it over for them to worry about, then do just that… you will have enough going on, and everything seems to build the last month to two weeks and suddenly everything needs finalized and you’re at your day!  It will all be fine, and if it makes you feel better the wednesday before my wedding my one maid sent me a pic of her trying on her dress at the store… i siad it was great, and I saw the one actually the morning of the wedding like right after I got into my dress.  So my advice is if you really take the stance of not caring, you have to really adopt that and embrace it, because they feel like they have time since you are lax on it, and in my experience with my girls, you don;t really have the leg to stand on to micromanage it after you tell them to pick whatever.  ( I was waiting on one of the narcissist ones.  She was “waiting to lose weight” before trying on dresses.)  If you gave them examples, chances are they will stick to that, and who really cares if they don’t.  The guests really don;t care.  No one is the fashion police! (Also my Mother-In-Law had no idea what she was wearing either…and i didn’t know until she showed up while I was getting dressed at the church.  And my one good maid ended up having to find a new dress last minute because she was put on meds that made her gain waterweight.  It was probably a blessing in disguise to her that I didn’t have a strict plan because she wouldn’t have fit into her dress, which was totally not her fault.  Everyone told me that it was the smartest thing ever to not be managing what everyone was wearing, when their fitting schedules were, and if they picked up their dresses… and I think you’re smart for doing it too. 

Post # 16
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

@DarthBetty:  Hahaha I love your attitude! I felt the same way. Didn’t care what anyone wore. Just wanted my favorite people there with us on our wedding day. I really don’t get the matchy-matchy bridesmaids thing.

That GIF is amazzzzinggg

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