Post # 1
FI and I have been engaged for months now and my brother has not even called or text me to say anything. We had an engagement dinner with close friends and family and did not even bother to show up. What kind of brother does not give any aknowledgment to his newly engaged sister? I have the people for a family, a mom, dad and two brothers… but it is painfully awkward when we are around eachother. I won’t go into everything that has happened but I basically consider myself an orphan. It is much easier to think that I my whole family doesn’t exist rather than to know the truth. It hurts so much more knowing that I could have a family but don’t. My older brother is the only family memeber that I actually consider my family, which is sorry since I talk and see him like once a year, if that! But he kind of took me under his wing when I was younger, and I haven’t forgot that. We wanted him to be one of the groomsmen but he hasn’t even bothered to call or at least text. And he never responds to my texts either. I text him last night because I was feeling down about some past family issues and asked him how he was dealing. He responded with "this is an issue for myself and nobody else." I know I am overreacting but it felt like a stab in my heart. It just made me realize that he really doesn’t want a relashionship with me. I am not his sister, just some random person that is apprently being nosy about issues that are affecting us both. After him never congradulating us and not wanting anything to do with me, I give up! I am done trying to create a family for myself. I know I have my fI and that is enough, but it still hurts me.. alot. I don’t know how to make the stab of sadness in my heart go away.
Post # 3
Oh honey..that is so hard. I think however you are getting ready to start a new family and you do not have to repeat the mistakes of the past. Embrace your new family and look forward..not back. Sending you hugs.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery
I’m so sorry niknu. I wish I could offer some sort of advise 🙁 Just think with FI you will start your own family. How is FI’ family?
Post # 5
Oh honey I soooooo know how you are feeling and it sucks, but it really does come down to that they make their choices and unfortunetly we can’t change them or make them care.
My parents are both alcholics and all they care about is drinking and vacations. They aren’t even comeing to my wedding because they "can’t afford it" yet they went to mexico in april and are going again in august. Just a little note on my family. Not one person in my family will be coming for my wedding. We had originally planned to have it in oregon where my friends and family are but since we had to cancel the wedding since I found out I had cancer and we just can’t afford the big to do. The comments I kept getting were I just don’t understand why it can’t be here and then other one that hurt the most was so is it actually going to happen this time?? Wow that one hurts, not like I didn’t have enough on my plate with dealing with cancer news.
Then his family is a whole story itself but no any good either. Liars and full of greed. We don’t talk to them
But if you are anyting like me and love people and want to do the right thing and it bothers you when people feel bad towards you, it allways hurts.
Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and that there is someone else going through similar things
Post # 6
They are wonderful! His sister is very sweet and accepting of me and so is his whole family. But at the same time I know it is hard for his mom to see her only son grow up and start a new life. And I think maybe she might feel like I am taking him away? And I know that is completely normal for moms but it still makes me feel sad, becuse it is a reminder that they are his family and I am their son’s wife.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery
I hope this doesn’t come across as insensitive, because I’m not in your situation, but it sounds like his family is really great and since this is a wonderful time of your life and you are becoming part of their family I would try to focus on that 🙂 Give your brother time, you said he is going through stuff. Give him time to contact you. Some people don’t know how to act in some situations.
The night Mr Frenchie and I got engaged we went to my house to tell my family and they didn’t even come downstairs to say congrats or anything. They all stayed up stairs but my dad at least came to the banester. The really had no idea how to handle their daughter getting engaged it was depressing. I had to go upstairs and tell my mom to come down and congratulate Mr Frenchie, she got it then that she acted inapproperiately.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2009 - Catholic ceremony, reception at local armory
I am so sorry nik nu. I agree with Frenchie, I would try to focus on the fact that you are becoming a part of a wonderful family. Also, your experiences with your family will help you to develop and appreciate the family you’ll have with your FI!
Post # 9
I am glad to hear his family is great to you, That is awesome and you don’t have to be born into a family to be a part of it:) Plus don’t think his mom is loosing a son, she is gaining a daughter:) Keep your chin up and focus on what is good:)
Post # 10
Well, without saying too much, I know a little bit about family issues…
I think it is important for people without stable families to create their own family. What I mean is channel that family energy into developing a group of friends that is as good as family. Surround yourself with people who genuinely unconditionally love you and love them back.
Hopefully, you have a non-biological support system to fall back on. It sounds like FI’s family might be part of that for you. Do everything you can to foster that relationship, and don’t assume that they’ll do what your family did to you. It’s really easy to believe that the other shoe is going to fall, but it doesn’t have to. Not everyone abandons their kids…
Also, if you haven’t spent some time with a counselor exploring the family issues you’ve had to deal with, it might be time. Getting married brings up a lot of this stuff from where it’s been buried deep.