I really don't need a flower girl, do I? *vent*

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013


You don’t need to have a flower girl, but it might hurt a few feelings if you don’t have her as your flower girl now. I totally understand how awkward a position this is putting you in though, because on your big day, the last thing you want to deal with is an overly clingy child. But if your wedding isn’t until 2015, this little girl will be 2 years older and (hopefully) a bit more mature by then. 2 years can make a big difference at that age!

If you do decide to let her be your flower girl and she is still like this when your wedding comes around, you might want to ask one of your bridesmaids (or the kid’s mother) to run interference and keep the child in line during the ceremony/photos.

Post # 4
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yikes!  I never really understood why so many people want flower girls/ring bearers…it is really sweet to include family mmebers, but every wedding I’ve ever been to the flower girl has either run away or been very distracting.  And who can blame them, they’re kids! LOL.  It’s not that I don’t like kids, I just think long wedding ceremonies aren’t really the best place for small children.  My wedding is in the evening and we’ve made it completely child-free.  Most people are ok with that and have known for months now.

However, like Summer Rose said, it would probably cause a lot of hurt feelings to back out now. I think things will work out, especially if she has a little time to mature. Laughing

Post # 5
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Eh. Are you not having children at the wedding? If you’re not, keep a firm stance and she’ll get over it. If she’s invited, she and the other children invited, will be at the church anyway. I bet parents will escort them if they are fussy.


But no you don’t need them. 

Post # 6
10899 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

As hard as this will be, if I were you, I would nip this in the bud ASAP to avoid complications and hurt feelings later. You have no idea what is going to happen in your life between now and your wedding. You may want to make other plans for all sorts of reasons, and this suggestion truly wasn’t your idea. I would simply tell your SO’s cousin that the flower girl idea actually originated with her daughter. Tell her that, although you were taken by surprise and didn’t quite know what to say in response, you and your FI aren’t getting married for a long time, and you truly had never even discussed whether or not you would have a flower girl or ring bearer, and that you just wanted to let her (the little girl’s mom) know that this really is something that you and your FI will need to think about and discuss much closer to the wedding. Also, I don’t know if either of you has a sibling who could possibly have a child between now and your wedding, so there may even be a closer relative whom you may want to accommodate in that instance. (My DSD’s 23-month-old niece was her flower girl, and she was adorable.)


Post # 7
7207 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Brielle:  +1. Be honest, make it quick and painless.

Post # 8
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013


My flowergirl got ready with me at the church! It was really fun.

That being said, I work in childcare. I LOVE kids. Nearly nothing they do irritates me.

If you don’t want a flower girl, don’t have one! But I think it’s sweet that she loves you so much, and just wants to spend time with you!

Post # 9
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would do like a PP suggested and nip it in the bud. But….is your wedding a year and a half from now? She will be almost 7 years old and will not act the same. I dont see why this is a big deal. She sounds like a typical (annoying) 5-year old to me.

Post # 10
45 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

You don’t need a flowergirl. You also don’t need to choose your wedding party now. See if you guys want her to do the job in another sixish months and make the decision then.

The next time it’s brought up around her parents, be honest and say that you haven’t decided yet, just like @Brielle: suggests.

Post # 11
153 posts
Blushing bee

If you really really don’t want a flower girl, talk to her mom now Before the thought is too engrained.

if you don’t want to ruffle feathers in the family, there is no reason a flower girl needs to get ready with you and your maids.  Her mom can handle that.  Then ask the mom to be sure she returns to the seat next to mom after her walk down the aisle.  Also a year or two at this age can make a big difference. Her behavior sounds rather normal for a 5 year old who is enamorEd with someone…you

Post # 12
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sunshinewish15: you don’t need a flower girl, and you can just tell the mom how it happened, and that you aren’t planning on a flower girl at all, but you weren’t sure how to handle it, and you didn’t want to make a 5 year old cry.  And that, is my run on sentence of the day.

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