(Closed) I really don't want a Bridal Shower. how do I get them to see that?

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Why don’t you want one? I think you’re going to have to get some key people to see it from your point of view, and I think that’s going to include coming up with some reasons they can relate to.

Post # 4
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@tillydeer:  I didnt want one at first either, but I am glad I finally caved.

I HATE being the center of attention and the thought of everyone gathering just to watch me open gifts seemed like torture. But it was actually really fun. We kept it small, I think 13 people. And it was casual and quick.

It was also a great way to update some of our very used linens, kitchen gadgets, etc. People were going to buy us gifts anyways, so might as well ask for things we need.

You should be honored that you have so many people that want to celebrate your day! I know many people who wanted a shower and didnt have one.

Post # 5
Member
8884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Talk to just your mom, express your feelings again. Maybe you can come up with a compromise. Why not go out to lunch or dinner with anyone that wants to come?

Post # 6
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with @Lyndzo:  maybe some sort of compromise can be made.

Post # 7
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, I guess I’m confused as to why you don’t want one? This is where you get the vast majority of your gifts. No shower, no gifts.

Post # 8
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@tillydeer:  They’re painless – and you get presents!  Why don’t you want one?

Post # 9
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 1994

Just be absolutely honest and upfront with ALL of your family, future family and friends. If you really don’t want a shower,you shouldn’t be forced into one. I can’t say I blame you the whole center of attention thing is very awkward for me and I did not want one either. Hope it all works out in the end with no hurt feelings for anyone. 🙂

 

Post # 10
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t want one either.  We are having a planned elopement (family knows, but they’re not invited lol) but my mom still insisted that I have a shower.  However, we don’t need ANYTHING.  FI and I live together and aside from maybe updating our linens and getting a bigger casserole dish, there is seriously nothing we need nor do we have room to put a bunch of stuff.  I finally got a bit stern with my mom and she realized how much I didn’t want one, nor did I feel it was appropriate to have one since we are eloping.  My parents are throwing us a low-key bbq to celebrate when we get back so if any guests do bring a gift out of politeness, that’s fine; but I refuse to register or have a shower specifically for that. 

Post # 12
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@tillydeer:  Darlin’ if that is the reason, then what are you going to do on your wedding day!?

Post # 13
Member
3825 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@tillydeer:  I feel the same way. I haven’t even told anyone at work that I’m engaged (outside of 2 people) because I HATE attention like that. But I know the shower is necessary for me to get the gifts and that’s something we both really need. We have makeshift single-people pots, pans, plates, etc on our own lol. But yeah… I definitely put my foot down about a bachelorette party. I said I embarass really easily so none of that over the top nudity business and crass stuff.

Post # 14
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I totally hear you.  But compromise is key here.

I ended up having an “un-shower”.   No gifts, no silly games, no forcing me to sit in a chair with a ribbon hat, etc.  My bridesmaids and mom hosted a Sunday lunch with margaritas and set up a “spa” on the deck with tubs of hot water and supplies for mani/pedis.  It was just a nice excuse to get all the women together and enjoy chatting about weddings and having some drinks. And it made everyone happy. I loved it and I think people were grateful not to feel obligated to get gifts.

 

Post # 15
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I didn’t have a shower.  I wasn’t interested in getting some crap I didn’t need (we got married at 32, I sold my house and moved in with him, so we kept the best of both households.)

 

I remember my MIL getting her panties in a bunch over not having a shower, but I stood my ground.  I just said “Thanks, but no thanks.”

 

*Interestingly enough, I come to find out later that one of the main reasons for wanting to throw this shower for me was because my MIL “had attended a lot of bridal showers for her friends’ kids.”  I don’t know why women get so competitive and keep score.  I took the chance to remind MIL that you don’t have to attend every shower invite you get– I think she saw the light then…

Post # 16
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If you dislike being the center of attention but HAVE to have a bridal shower, can you have a couples’ shower with your fiance there and HIM actually opening the presents? Then he can be the center of attention and your family can still throw you a shower.

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