I really need support… I don't know what to think or feel

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Lets put him a side for a second. I think you should work on those trust issues you’ve had since childhood. I think its important to really look into those things especially before getting married. That can cause a lot of problems in your future. <br /><br />Back to him, he may have forgotten. Why don’t you wake up one weekend morning and say “Hey hun, Lets go see some rings today!” After all, you did agree to go together. <br /><br /><br />

Post # 3
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

hopefulMrsBtoBee:  I’ve been drinking every day this month just to forget about it.

That is the only problem that you actually have right now. 

You are doing what I call awfulizing- thinking of the worst possible outcome. March is not over yet.

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Post # 4
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

Do you think your sudden drinking everyday and most likely throwing off weird vibes could be causing him to take a *wait and see* approach? I stongly suggest counseling/therapy. Here’s why. You are really stuck on the *he PROMISED* angle yet fully admit you really aren’t that invested in it happening this month. So it isn’t the action you care about, it’s the words. Pretty backwards. You care about what he says more than what he does? You can’t keep dragging your childhood into the present. you just can’t. Especially to the point where the after-effects of said childhood have you drinking everyday. That’s ludicrous. the absolute last thing you need right now is a life-stressing event like an engagement. you need to sort your past out – and all the baggage that comes with it – so you can move forward with this man into a clean future. And I don’t know what his past is like but I can tell you that with my childhood, there is no way in hell I would get engaged to someone who started drinking everyday. And I say this with the best possibleintentions. You are, in a somewhat siedways way, blaming him for your drinking. He didn’t do A, B, C and it’s making you want to drink because of it. That is a really dangerous mentality and not a good sign. You’re drinking because you have really shitty coping skills. Period. and that’s on no one but you.

ETA: darn computer.

What I mean to say is, things happen. Life happens. Adults sometimes can’t follow through with *promises* or what have you. If your response to that is to stick a bottle in your face and sulk about how hurt you are, you have issues. You have dysfucntion. that is not a healthy, functioning response. And that is not your childhood’s fault or anyone else’s. It’s yours. For knowing you have these reactionary issues and not doing something about changing them. You’re an adult now. Part of your obligation – your promise, if you will – to your potential spouse, is that you will do everything in your power to deal with these life events in a healthy, functioning way so as to give your relationship the best possible chance in life. Can you honestly say you are doing that? Don’t look out. Look in. don’t worry about whether he is fulfilling his promises and obligations. Worry about fulfilling your own.

Do you not see the contradiction in your life right now? Your blaming your childhood for your difficulty in dealing with current issues, while simultaneously expecting a man to consider making a woman who drinks everyday, the mother of his children.

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