Post # 1
I just recently got married this past August and would love to begin TTC. My biological clock is ticking, I’m 34 going on 35 this December. Problem is my husband is out of work and has been trying to gain employment. I have a good stable job and we are living Okay with my income as of now. I’m confident he will gain employment soon, he has a few good leads and has been on a few interviews. I feel we wants to wait until he gets a job, purchase a new home (currently we live in a 2 bedroom condo). We have room technically for at least one child. I don’t think he understands as I age, my fertility declines. I don’t think it bothers him because he sees and reads about older women having children. But it bothers me because I really would love to at least try and just because we try does not mean it will happen right away. It could take months or years…he doesn’t even attempt to try. Ugghhh, what to do?
Post # 3
Honestly, I don’t blame him for not wanting to purposefully get pregnant when he is out of work. In this economy, it is really hard to find a job (especially if you don’t already have one). I’ve currently job searching (trying to switch jobs) and despite some really promising interviews, no luck yet.
What would you guys do if you get pregnant and give birth while he is still out of work? Then while you are on maternity leave, neither of you would be working! I wouldn’t purposefully put myself in that situation either. So I can’t blame him.
Post # 4
Maybe you could try to compromise and wait to try until he finds a stable job, but not until you buy a home? After all, you have 9 months before the baby comes to save up for a home, and more if you don’t get pregnant right away.
I can understand where he’s coming from though- it took me a year to find a minimum wage part time job, despite promising interviews. You sound confident he’ll get a job soon anyway, so if that’s true there’s no harm in waiting a short time, and if he doesn’t get one you won’t be under so much financial strain.
Post # 5
I know how you feel… DH and I have different timelines, too, and I”m super impatient 🙁 It’s not a good feeling to have. I feel like he doesn’t understand me or consider the situation from my perspective. WE are the ones putting our bodies through it and we are the ones at risk for complications from waiting too long. Just had to vent, I guess 🙂
Post # 6
It’s understandable that he’d want to wait until he has a job again– babies are expensive! That said, having a house is NOT necessary for a baby– especially since you already have a 2br home! I totally see where your husband is coming from. It might be worth talking through why he wants to wait, and just focus on, given your age and desire for kids, what’s reasonable to wait for (a steady financial situation for the child to come into), and what’s unreasonable (like waiting for buying a house).
OH– And yeah, older women have kids so he might think you guys have time. But how many of those women are requiring expensive fertility treatments? TTC earlier could result in a better financial situation for you and your children than waiting.
Just a heads up– yes, it can take time to conceive… but it could be quick too. We got pregnant with a healthy baby the first month of NTNT! And that’s after being told that we would have some trouble and that we should expect a miscarriage or 2 along the way to parenthood. All I’m saying is don’t plan too much around one or the other– you just don’t know how it will work out.
Post # 7
Thank you ladies I appreciate all the thoughtful comments and insights in regards to my situation. I just get so impatient at times. I really want more than anything to begin the journey into motherhood.