(Closed) I really want to elope but…

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: Elope or Immediate Family Only
    Elope : (11 votes)
    41 %
    Immediate Family Only : (16 votes)
    59 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    180 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I said immediate family only, but I think it should be just a couple of family members (his parents and maybe one for you) as witnesses. If your mom isn’t in support of your relationship and you think it will be added stress on your wedding day, then take her out of it. Your wedding day should be yours, not a drama-fest with family members.

    That said, it may be the breaking point with your mom. You have to decide if you are willing and able to accept the critism (sp?) of your decision. There will always be people with snarky things to say about eloping, but you should do what’s best for the two of you.

    We have decided to elope because of family drama, especially my mom. She ended up understanding and supporting us. It’s like Dr. Seuss says: “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

    Good luck and keep us posted!

    Post # 4
    Member
    6125 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @S0InL0v3:  We got married with only two witnesses (required) and it was my H’s mom and dad.  That’s it! So you could just have your witnesses be your ILs…

    It wasn’t that my side disapproved, they couldn’t make traveling a priority.

    How many people make up your immediate families (with siblings kids and SOs if any?  Would the happiness from the others kind of put your mother’s tone in check?  She seemed to retract her statement.  I am guessing she would behave on the wedding day.

    Post # 5
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m struggling too with inviting our parents, but really, we don’t want to. The only reason we’re considering it is to avoiding offending them…

    We haven’t resolved yet either, so as of now- eloping! Keep me posted!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2873 posts
    Sugar bee

    @S0InL0v3: I think you should ask your FMIL how she would feel and go on from there.

    We are in a very similar situation except my mother has told me she will never be happy for me and is not coming. FI’s mother insisted on having a wedding so she is paying for and planning the vast majority of it. If she hadn’t offered and insisted, we would have eloped. We are having a family only wedding. 

    I would advise you to do what you really truly want too if you have strong feelings one way or the other. I do feel excessively resentful to my FI for even making me have a wedding for his mother’s sake when I have always wanted to elope. Yes, he knows how resentful I am but everything happened so quickly that we can’t back out now.

    Post # 9
    Member
    6125 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @S0InL0v3:  “Since then she has tried to retract her statement but I think it’s because she knows that there is no way I am leaving him and it has strained our relationship. Whenever she shows any positivity about our relationship I can’t help but feel like she’s faking it.”

    It sounds like she’s trying to be nice actually.  Even if she is faking it she is putting on a good front for you.  I would forgive and forget.

    “She thought that we were not really in love with one another and that we were more like friends than lovers.”

    How does she know you’re not really lovers?  Does she think you two should be making out at all times in front of her?  I find it odd she mentioned you were better friends than marriage material.  But of all the comments out there, this is actually not that bad of a comment!  Was her marriage to her spouse kind of lacking in love?  Maybe she’s just projecting her experience on to you and it’s not really about you two.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2873 posts
    Sugar bee

    @S0InL0v3:  That’s what FI suggested, but I don’t want to have the wedding at all. That wouldn’t be a compromise for us because I would then refuse to have a wedding because we are already married – not saying it’s a bad thing to do that but I simply would not want to deal with it. I think it’s added hassle to do it that way. I don’t think people understand just how incredibly anti-my own wedding I am. I have never wanted to have one.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    I’d say you need more information on how the mothers will react.  Being upset or hurt initially is something they should get over, unless they’re the type of person that really will hold it against you for the rest of your life.

    How does your fiance feel in all this?  Does he want to elope?  Is he concerned with the mothers’ reactions?

    As for your mom, it’s really hard and hurtful to have her say the things she did.  But her change of heart could be genuine.  Give her the benefit of the doubt.  It’s only going to hurt you if you don’t forgive her.  Holding onto that pain…what’s the point in that?  For your own sake, find a way to forgive her and move on.  Enjoy your life with your sweetheart!

    Post # 13
    Member
    6125 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @S0InL0v3:  Ah!  I think that makes sense.  You could try to have a conversation with her about that, but that was actually my first thought when you explained that. 

    My mom – who was in a horrible marriage to my dad for 35 years – is soooo odd about weddings.  As in she has never seen me get married (I’ve been married twice).  No one in my family has seen me get married in fact! 

    She says crap like, “What’s the big deal?  Why do I even have to go?  Why are you even excited about a wedding?”  She wouldn’t fly out for a wedding, but she’d fly out if it were just a vacation like the following month!  We have had talks about how she cannot fathom why anyone on earth would intentionally get married.  It was beyond her and could not see any good in getting married, even with a happy couple.  Yep.

    While it’s so very hurtful and makes me feel so very unloved, it stems more from her experiences than me being her daughter, kind of like your mom.

    That may make it a tad easier to digest, but it still stings.  So I know I said to forgie and forget in your case, unless it was a repeated pattern of hers.  As in you are constantly hurt by her.  I have not forgiven my mother and I probably won’t for a long time, but she’s a repeat offender.

     

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    6125 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @S0InL0v3:  We got married about 20 minutes from Field, BC at Emerald Lake (we did their elopement package)!  Thanks!  Where are you guys looking?  Is the date roughly still April 2014?

    The topic ‘I really want to elope but…’ is closed to new replies.

    Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
    I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

    Find Amazing Vendors