I REALLY Want to Say Something Encouraging…

posted 2 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 2
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Why can’t you just say something encouranging that any person would like to hear?  You look really pretty in that dress.  Where did you find it?  I think that communicates acceptance but also makes her feel normal and not singled out.

Post # 5
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

I agree with what NavyBee has said above.  I think for this woman, it might be inaderventently embarrassing for her for you to comment specifically on her transition, because it might imply that she’s not successfully “passing” yet as a woman in society.  I think the best thing you can do is just to act normally but pleasantly when you interact with her, or to find a way to compliment her that is unrelated to her transition.  

Perhaps if you do find a way to talk with her, invite her to hang out with you and your friends?  

Post # 6
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

rosegoldgirl:  I like PPs suggestion. I get that way a lot too, where I want to compliment or commend someone, but then I chicken out fearing I’ll actually offend them or make them feel like I’m giving them a *pat on the head* which no one likes.

Maybe you could strike up a conversation with her and become friends? Do you, for example, frequently see her at a coffee shop where you can agree to meet on occasion for chit chat.

Maybe a compliment that would open the door to more conversation? i.e. “I love your haircut! Who’s your stylist? I’ve been looking for a new stylist in town”  or something…

Post # 7
Member
3308 posts
Sugar bee

I feel like it would be extremely condescending to tell her you’re proud of her for “living her most authentic life”. Like, she doesn’t know you or need your opinion to be validated.

If you feel that you must compliment her, just something about her dress/makeup/whatever would be more appropriate.

Post # 8
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

rosegoldgirl:  I also second the PP, I wouldnt try to go out of your way with a compliment as that to me could be perceived as fake. If its a general compliment that you would ordinarily give anyone, fine, but if you are trying too hard it could be looked upon as insincere. I dont think a random compliment is necessary, but if the situation arises, a general statement like the PP mentioned would probably be fine. Just dont over do it or make a comment that is only associated with her transition and/or lifestyle as that to me is over kill. 

Post # 9
Member
2700 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

rosegoldgirl:  I agree with PP. Just a friendly compliment. Without knowing the person it’s hard to know if she’ll be offended or not. It might give her an ego boost, or you might be met with a ‘who the hell are you? I don’t need your approval’. Or it might just be embarrassing for her if she’s trying to lead a private simple life.

Who knows! To circle back, I would def go with the ‘love your (hair, nails, shoes…), where did you get it? Seems like a safe choice.

Post # 11
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

First of all, the term is transgender, not transgendered. Not trying to sound smart,really, it’s just something I recently learnt myself. TransgenderED makes it sound like it’s something that someone did to her. We don’t say “lesbianed”. Anyway. I understand you mean well, but I think you will just come off as weird at the very best. She is a stranger, she doesn’t want you to tell her how brave she was. You know nothing about her and her life. As a general rule of thumb, I’d say don’t say anything to her that you wouldn’t say to any other woman. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  melissamaria.
Post # 12
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

I think you could use a “hybrid” of the PP’s suggestion and your own, like “I think you’re really courageous, that dress/scarf/harido looks beautiful on you”. That way you’re your comment isnt quite as personal as it could be, but not as genertic either.

I think thats really nice if you to go out of your way to be encouraging for someone who could probably really use it. You’re compassion is lovely 🙂

ETA – Now that I think about it, that compliment could totally be taken the wrong way. I’d just stick to being really friendly and treat her the same an any other women. Complimenting something thats very beautiful/feminine about her.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Charliejeorge.
Post # 13
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

rosegoldgirl:  FWIW, I think that’s the kind of thing you could say to someone you don’t know well, and say comfortably.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked up to strangers and said something like that.  I love your dress/purse/boots.  Whatever.  I have had it happen to me as well.  Of course, I live in the South and people do that sort of thing here all the time.

Post # 15
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

One of my closest girlfriends is transgender, and while I can’t speak for all, I can tell you that she loves genuine compliments. Just a “that’s a beautiful scarf, where did you get it?” or something similar makes her feel accepted and happy. Just the same as you would feel if a random person on the street said something nice to you! She came from a small town too, so a nice word was always appreciated, since some jerks always gave her a hard time. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors