Post # 1
This is like my fourth post in the past two weeks about my recent breakup, but I feel this is the only place I can exhaust my feelings without judgment and I will be understood.
My ex-FI and I split up about two weeks ago, and have been staying together until tomorrow morning when he “leaves”. Although I have been a little sad and afraid of hoarding cats alone, I have been doing well…he has definitely taken notice. I still go to the gym, just finished finals (got 100% on one of them..yay), been going out with the ladies, etc. I have not shed a tear since the day after we split, and I have been ok.
Today, I took my ex to get boxes and he strikes up a conversation with me. To make a long story short, I told him I wasn’t looking forward to being back in the California crowd with the gas prices and laughed. He told me he was excited to go back to the east coast with his family and I told him I am glad he is happy to be leaving. He took what I said wrong and said, “I’m not happy about this, I am just making the best of this situation. I’m not happy at all, actually and to be quite honest, I regret this relationship not working out. It sucks.”
I didn’t say anything for a minute and let him know I don’t regret it ending and because of our relationship, I will go back home a much more confident woman who knows her worth. After a few minutes I asked him to elaborate on his regret, to which he replied, “I know you have the potential to be the President of the United States. You are so smart, charismatic and people love being around you. We were supposed to be a power couple and had our whole lives ahead of us.”
I just walked away. Bees, what does this all mean? Just last week, this whole thing was MY fault and he couldn’t put up with MY shit for the rest of his life, and today it was because “WE can’t communicate” and “WE just can’t seem to see eye to eye.” All I want from this is to realize what he lost and be sorry. I know it seems childish, but no one wants to be expendable. All I want is an apology for leading me on and being a total douche-waffle when he broke up with me.
So what do you bees think? Is he sorry? What does he mean by saying he regrets our relationship not working out? He hasn’t really packed his things at all but he is “leaving tomorrow”. I am a youngster with little experience when it comes to this madness. Thank you for reading all of this
Post # 3
@angustia: Since the two of you are about to truly separate, it’s beginning to feel real to him in an uncomfortable way. Yes he broke it off and was a prick and felt like he was totally doing the best thing, but now he realizes he’s going to be without you for real, not just in theory. This is his emotionally-stunted and immature way of processing it. I don’t say that with any rancor and actually with total understanding. I went through a tumultuous on-off-on-off relationship when I was in college and have experienced this same thing so many times with my ex.
Also, he has had a front row seat to seeing you NOT fall completely apart without him. Hell, you’re practically thriving. It’s gnawing on his ego. Honestly, if the two of you had been apart from the break-up, I would tell you that this is about the right time for him to be calling you up. They always do that. Keep strong and keep on with your plans. I know it still hurts and that he’s confusing you right now, but I would caution you from being tempted into thinking this is the beginning of a reconciliation. He’ll just leave again down the road after he feels comforted and comes down from the high of being back together.
Oh and congratulations on that 100%! Damn fine job on a final 🙂 ((Hugs))
Post # 4
I’m sure he probably does regret it! that’s the thing about break ups, they suck and generally even the breaker-upperer is not necessarily happy about it. He’s obviously had a think about things and realized that perhaps it wasn’t all you- that relationships are in fact, a two way street.
I’m no expert on relationships (clearly) but that’s just my two cents 🙂
i would say he is probably a little sad, feels bad for hurting you (and making it all your fault during his break-up speech) and is trying to walk away from this without you hating him.
and yes, he probably IS sorry. At some point he DID propose so, I expect he was expecting to spend the rest of his life with you- why *wouldn’t* he be sorry that it didnt work out?
break ups aren’t always villain-victim scenarios (even though we might think of ourselves as unsuspecting victims during the moments we are hurting- case in point!).
They are a horrible but apparently common part of life, but that doesn’t always mean there is a “baddie” and a “goodie”- most often just two “goodies” who weren’t so good “together”.
Post # 5
I was in a similar situation with my last Ex, as we were breaking up he would say things like “you just don’t get me” a lot. Over time this turned into “we just didn’t work out”, which he started saying when I moved out of the town we both lived in. A few months ago he sent me a message saying that he regretted everything he did, this relationship was years ago at this point I might add.
Basically what I’m saying is if you’re looking for an apology you’ll probably get it, you just have to give it time. I really wanted an apology too, and ironically enough by the time I got it I just felt bad for him that he hadn’t moved on yet.
Post # 6
1. Could he be intimidated by you? You obviously sound like strong, determined woman with a quest to succeed.
2. Could he be afraid of bringing you down for the rest of your life because he thinks you are “better than him”?
I dated someone who thought I was “brilliant” and he “adored me” but he had some major issues. Although I was willing to help him through those issues, he just let me go and when he did, it was brutal because at that point he called me “needy”, I wasn’t making enough money and I was “too old”.
Keep thinking about number one. THAT IS YOU! Keep walking forward. In the very short future when he is out of sight, he will also be out of mind until finally he becomes just a memory.
Edit, I think when they act like an ass during the breakup and try to hurt us, it’s so we hate them rather than mourn the loss. I can see the logic however hurtful and childish it is. However, go with it! If they can be hurtful and childish during the breakup, they are not “husband” material to begin with! Consider it as if he did you a favor! Now you can find a real man.
Post # 7
It sounds like he is trying to leave on good terms.
Post # 8
The prior posters have given you some excellent insight into this the situation.
I will add that one of the keys to your answer is in his statement. At no point does he talk about his love for you. He speaks only of the loss that he is feeling over not being able to be a “power couple” with you. All of his “investment” (time, energy, emotion, probably finances as well) in this planned business strategy — which he was counting on to yield benefits for him in the future — simply did not turn out to be what he had hoped it would be. For THAT, he’s sorry. Because of that, he’s feeling loss. That is the source of his regret.
I agree with the others that you likely will receive some sort of an apology someday, even if it’s only regarding the way he treated you. However, given the way he’s behaving now, and given his comments to you, his sorrow is still likely to be all about himself and what he may then be missing out on because of your success without HIS half of the power-couple equation.
Post # 9
Post # 10
@Brielle: +1. Well said! (As usual! :)).
Post # 11
I’m going to agree with others. I think he’s surprised by how well you are handling the situation.
Maybe he’s starting to have doubts but who knows. The fact is he choose to ask you to marry him and then he took that back. I’d be very wary if I were you if he comes around in a couple months (which I personally think he will).
Good luck with everything and definitely keep posting on the Bee (obviously only if you feel like it!) . We’re all rooting for you and you are just an inspiration in how you’re taking this. You’re amazing! Go out and celebrate those grades!
Post # 12
@HisMoon: + 1
When I broke it off with my ex of 7.5 years, he helped me move, set furniture in my appartment. About 2 weeks after he was calling me for silly things..
After they have some time to think of stuff and reality sinks it sucks for them, did for me too but lucky that i started having feelings for someone else quite quickly which helped with my recovery. I am engaged now and he just recently got engaged to a girl thats 10 or 11 years younger then him that he was cheating on me with.
Post # 14
Although I do love the guy, I do not plan on taking him back. I mean, to be honest, it would take A LOT for me to take him back and I’m not sure he’s up for that—-nor am I.
To answer some of the questions, I do think he is a bit intimidated by me. He always talked about how smart I was and how sexy my personality was…so he worked while I went to school when I got out of the military for “our future” and then breaks up with me 3 months before graduation. I just don’t get it.
For another PP, I did notice he talked more about regretting “our” goals as opposed to regretting the loss of my love and support. 🙁 It stung pretty bad, but…it is what it is.
It just really confused me, and this morning, he keeps dragging ass while he’s “packing his things”. I am really strong through all of this, but I can’t help wanting him to want me still and regret his decision. Seeing him not really packing is giving me hope he will at least give me a really heartfelt apology before he leaves….
I appreciate all of the replies and am really happy I have found this website. The support I have here is one of a kind.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@angustia: Don’t let the door hit him in the butt on his way out the door. He is now trying to be manipulative because he doesn’t want you to think he is the a$$hole that he is. Move ASAP and cut off all communication with this loser. No good will come of continuing to talk to him with him sending mixed messages like that. He already told you he wanted to break things off and told you it was all your fault. Anything else he says now is because he feels guilty.
Post # 16
@angustia: Oh, I guarantee he will regret his decision. But wait til he’s miles away to pour his heart out to you so you don’t have to see his ugly cry face.