Post # 1
Yesterday was my 30th birthday (ew!), but it also happens to be the day that FI’s buddies decided to kidnap him for the his bachelor party. This was fine by me, as I know FI has been looking forward to letting loose (he works so dang hard!), but we had come to a mutual agreement that there was to be no trips to stip clubs/strippers in general. For one, we’ve had issues with him cheating/losing my trust in the past (which he is trying very hard to gain back), and secondly he’s just not into going..
Well, my FMIL, and 2 FSIL’s had a get together for me, last night, complete with champagne toasts, and a few other drinks (read: I was tipsy), and let it slip that the boys were heading out to the strip club tonight, after some other pre-planned activities. I held my composure, but that only lasted until I was home, and ready for bed (not even Christian Grey could put me in a better mood). I txted FI angrily, and luckily he understood. He didn’t know they guys were planning on it, and he told me he’d talk to them..
He assured me this morning that everything is cool (they’re not going), but I still feel crappy.. now just for ruining the fun! Sure, we had an agreement, but I should have just let it slide.. it is his bachelor party weekend, after all. Ugh, I’m just so conflicted. Part of me is proud for standing my ground, but the other thinks I should have cut him some slack.
I’m dreading when he comes home, tomorrow, as I’m sure I’ll get some quips from the other guys when they drop him off.
What would you have done in the situation?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I would have done the same thing you did :/ You both agreed no strip clubs, what’s the point of agreeing if you just let it slide? I’m glad your FI talked to his friends and straightened them out!
Post # 4
I would be upset too. The thought of my fiance at a strip club makes me cringe…. However, I realized that if I can’t trust him at a strip club, then I shouldn’t be marrying the guy. You know?
When he returns home I would just apologize for the angry text, but you don’t have to apologize for how you feel about the situation. Then I would just drop it. Its not worth any more discussion about the issue.
Post # 5
Well if my husband to be had a history of cheating on me, I’d expect him to not put himself into a situation like that whether he knew it was planned or not. So I guess I’m not really sure what it is you feel bad about.
Post # 6
I would’ve done the same thing you did. If you both agreed on it, it isn’t fair for his friends to plan on going there anyway (especially if he talked to them beforehand; if not, a phone call will clear things up- and it looks like it did!) 🙂
Post # 7
Considering you’re set to be married and you guys have had some issues regarding infidelity in the past, I in no way see it as you ruined anything! You guys are adults working together in a partnership that values communication and trust. Its better that you share your feelings and work things out ( you already agreed no stripclubs etc), then slip them under the rug.
Post # 8
I don’t blame you for being upset.. I would have been too! It doesn’t sound to me like you ruined anything either, since you both had an agreement. I would just apologize for the angry text and say that your emotions got the better of you. But you shouldn’t need to apologize for your feelings! And who cares what the other guys think! 🙂
Post # 9
Since he has had issues with cheating in the past, I think its fine that you said something. I would be worried too. Had he not had these issues then I would have let it slide.
Post # 10
I don’t care for strip clubs myself, but I would have probably asked him what his thoughts were on it because FI doesn’t really care about strip clubs. He was even thrown out of one because he was being such a smart ass. I would want him to stand his ground moreso in general since it is HIS night and not theirs.
ETA: I just woke up and didn’t see the cheating part until I read other comments. I think you did the right thing.
Post # 11
All you did was text him?
Even if the text you sent him was angry, that shouldn’t ruin an entire bachelor party. If he wanted to go to strip clubs, he’d go. Sounds to me like he was able to use your message as a useful pretext to get out of going. Guys need that sometimes – it’s very difficult for them to get out of something like that when all the other guys are insisting on going.
And I’d say your trust issues can probably be over now. He clearly cares more about making you happy than anything else 🙂
Post # 12
I think you are completely validated in your feelings and reaction. He needs to earn your trust back and you both agreed on no strippers. You do not need to give him a break because it’s a bachelor party. Good luck hun and feel confident in your decision to stand your ground!
If I had any history of cheating/distrust with my fiance he wouldn’t even be having a bachelor party!
Post # 13
Thank you so much for your responses, ladies.. you have no idea how much better I feel for having someone to talk to about this (when I talked to my MOH about it, she said I was ‘smothering’ him, which was obviously no help at all). Of course, not everyone would agree that I did the right thing, but the way I see it is like this:
We had a mutual agreement about strippers, and it would be disrespectful for him or his buddies to disregard that. Plain, and simple.
He assures me that he didn’t want to go in the first place, and had no intention of hurting me. He knows we’re still working on building back the trust that was lost, and in his words, “I know I $#@&!^ up, but I’m trying to win you back and show you how things should/can be. I hope I can show you how much I love and cherish you.“
GAH! I can’t wait for him to get home, tomorrow.
Post # 15
Oh HELL NO you didn’t overreact! Your FI is lucky he’s even allowed out of the house! Jk a little… Anyway, good luck figuring out the trust issues before the wedding!
Post # 16
“Yesterday was my 30th birthday (ew!), but it also happens to be the day that FI’s buddies decided to kidnap him for the his bachelor party”
Am I the only one wondering why this had to be on your birthday? And a milestone birthday at that? Sounds like some pretty inconsiderate friends.
I see nothing wrong with you texting him and asking him about it, you agreed about what you were and weren’t comfortable with, and it appeared that he was going to disregard that agreement. And you were alone and tipsy on your birthday. I would have been waaaaay worse lol