I ruined his proposal!

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

ceedee18:  You’re worried that he’ll be scared to propose again? Why does he need to propose again??

Post # 4
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Ugh, what an awkward situation! I’m sorry that happened. He was probably so keyed up and nervous he didn’t really pay attention to your mood. If I were you I would clear the air. Wait until after your sister’s wedding and have a quick talk with him, apologize for the bad start and smile and tell him you’re ready for a second attempt anytime. basically just reassure him it will go well the second time.

Post # 5
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Are you wearing the ring?  If so, that was your proposal.  Good or bad.

You are living together.  Were your parents involved in that decision too? I don’t see why he needs to ask for your dad. 

Post # 6
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

I think you guys need to talk about it. I agree with what pp said, after the wedding let him know that you apologize for how it happened, and that you’re open to him “trying again” –if you really are. If you don’t like suprises, then any proposal might evoke these same kinds of feelings. Just be clear and open with him, but don’t blame him for his timing. He probably didn’t realize that it wasn’t a good time. It was emotional evening for both of you–just different emotions. 

Good luck! (:

Post # 8
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

 Supress your need to know everything he does all the tine for tge next few months and enjoy your surprise proposal. ceedee18:  

Post # 9
Member
2220 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

OP, I sort of know what yo’ure going through, my fiance had a nice walk planned for us and proposed in the park, but the whole time leading up to it I was complaining about how I didn’t want to go, didn’t have the right outfit on, etc. Just breath, it will all work out!

Post # 10
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

ceedee18:  I am going to be honest with you. I hope you’re not offended by my post. Had I done what you did, I would have apologized to my boyfriend immediately. I definitely think you were in the wrong here. This proposal is something you admit he put thought into and wanted to make special for you. Instead of giving him the leniency to to that, you forced him to almost tell you what he was doing and then rejected the romantic gesture he attempted to give you. It doesn’t matter that the moment was not going to be perfect by your standards, you should not have behaved the way you did.

I don’t see what was so wrong with your boyfriend’s timing (your engagement would take nothing away from your sister’s big day) or with him not asking your parents (if you say you don’t care whether he asks them then why did you act like you care?). I would encourage you to put yourself in his shoes, give him the benefit of the doubt, and think about what was probably going through his mind and what you might have done had you been in his shoes. How would you have felt if the love of your life rebuffed your proposal?

I think you need to talk to him about all of this. I can see letting a few days go by to cool things down, but trying to sweep something like this under the rug is not a healthy way of solving problems. And I think that this talk with your boyfriend should not just include what happened when he attempted to propose to you, but also your relationship in general (ie. do you generally have trust issues? are surprises never okay in your book?) and agreed upon guidelines for how to handle future situations.

Post # 11
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Talk. A lot. And figure out what is best for you two.

Post # 12
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

OP, one of my friend ”ruined” her FI’s proposal because they were at a restaurant and she was growing impatient from waiting for her main dish. When her FI came back from the restroom (he went there to give himself a bit of courage), he sat down and told her solemnly : ”well, I think it’s time …” and my friend thought he meant the waiter was coming their way, so she interrupted him right as he was about to propose to complain : ”you bet it’s about time ! I’m starving !!!” That set the mood ! But still, he gave her the ring, she felt really bad at that moment. She said yes, put the ring on her finger, and called me a few days later, laughing as she told me how things went. 

She had been with her SO for 5 years, he knew her temper, and they were able to laugh it off right away. Yes, he wanted to propose in a romantic setting, but things didn’t go as planned: that’s just life. Today, they’re planning their wedding and they laugh every time they tell the story of the proposal. It went wrong and awkward, but I guess that’s what will also make it memorable. They chose to remember it as a funny anecdote rather than a drama. 

Take a few extra days to get over your emotions. Maybe you’ll be able to laugh about it, too.

Post # 13
Member
8707 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I see nothing wrong in what he did. Why is his timing bad? Your sister gets one day. Not a week, not a month, not a year. One day. Who cares about her wedding and your proposal? One does not affect the other. If you say him asking your parents is not necessary, why do you care if he did or not? Your boyfriend seems like a sweet guy and actually took time out of his day to think of you and only you and the life he wants to start with you. I get that you don’t like surprises, but seriously? You’re a big girl now. I think you can handle the one surprise that some people are dying for and he eagerly wants to give you. I would talk with him. A lot. Bring it up and don’t stop talking about it until it has been fixed. If I were in your shoes, I’d be grovelling to him. Freaking the fuck out like that is inexcusible, and I would do everything in my power to fix it. I don’t think he ruined it, or the timing, I think you did and it’s your responsibility to make it right.

Post # 15
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Isabelle663:  Omg same here lol… I basically complained all the way to the park how I was cold (it was beginning of March), was tired of walking and that I wanted to go back home xD and then when he gave me the ring, I was happy, but not even 10 mins after, I was saying how the ring hurt my fingers and not my style etc. I totallyyyy ruined the day. I felt horrible… Tried to cheer him up for the next 3 days we were spending together.

All this to say, a proposal can never be perfect and I know what you’re going through OP. I think you guys have too much on your minds these days… just give yourselves some time, no pressure, and hope for the best! : ) 

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