- 2 years ago
Hi Bees! Sorry this is so long. I’ve just been thinking a lot about something that happened a couple of weeks ago and had to get it off of my chest…. I ruined my boyfriend’s proposal! Or he ruined it. Maybe both of us- it was just terrible timing.
A little background: we’ve been dating a couple of years and living together for one year. We’ve talked quite a bit about marriage and even started drawing up ideas for an engagement ring. So an eventual proposal shouldn’t have been a surprise, but the timing certainly was.
I figured he was waiting until we finished designing a ring, which could be months. But a couple of days before my college graduation, (and my sister’s wedding!) he told me he had to stay late at work. But the way he said it on the phone, I knew that he was lying. I confronted him when he got home and he finally angrily admitted that he had been shopping for a graduation present and trying to surprise me. I felt so bad that I had ruined his surprise and acted so suspicious that I ended up crying and muttered, “I hate surprises.” (We’ve had more than one ruined surprises.)
At this point my boyfriend inexplicably decided it was a good time to give me his gift, which I figured was a pair of earrings or something. As he hugged me I could feel him holding something behind my back, so I begged him to wait and go to bed. I was in no mood for presents. Instead he starts saying something along the lines of “I know you didn’t trust me today, but I want to show you that you can always trust me and I’m in this for the long run….” But I wasn’t really listening and was getting increasingly annoyed that he was forging ahead with his gift when all I wanted to do was go to bed. Suddenly he grabbed my left hand and bent down on one knee, at which point I panicked and burst out crying again. Somewhere through the shock my mind was saying, “this is such bad timing that it can’t be real.” Then my mind cleared a little and I realized that I was backed up against the kitchen wall and my boyfriend was shocked, still kneeling on the floor. He never made it to asking me to marry him, but it was clear that this was an attempted proposal gone horribly wrong.
When we both calmed down a little he expained that he had intended on doing it that weekend, when we went to Colorado to celebrate his birthday. He had bought a plain white gold band that could be melted down and incorporated into our own design. Everything was so thoughtful, except for the timing. My graduation was coming on Saturday, his birthday and our Colorado trip began Sunday, and my sister’s wedding was the following Saturday. I asked if he had already talked to my parents about proposing, and he said no, he didn’t want to bother them with my sister’s wedding so close. Uh… yeah, exactly. Not a good time to propose then. And definitely not a good idea to jump the gun and do it right after an argument when I’m in a terrible mood.
So, Bees, while we are pretty much back to normal (we just don’t really talk about it), I keep dwelling on that night. I feel terrible about accidentally crushing his attempted proposal. But I also still think that he made a terrible choice on timing. I’m worried that he’ll be scared to propose again, and I honestly wouldn’t blame him.
Any thoughts or stories of similar situations would be much appreciated.