(Closed) I screwed up and may be pushing my guy away

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

How long have you been dating?

 

The way I see it.. if he bought you the ring without you pushing it was because he sees you spending your life with him. Even if you have been annoying or asking about it too much.. something like that shouldn’t be enough to change his feelings… I would think he should understand ur excitement over it.

I would just let him know how u really feel, and how you are scared you have pushed him away.. explain why you have been pushy about the ring.. and that u didnt mean any harm by it.

He could also have specific ideas of how HE has imagined proposing and he doesnt want to ruin it..

Post # 4
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

Sorry about your situation.  I know first-hand how it is for an otherwise sane individual to become ‘ring crazy’.  It happened to me– time was quickly approaching where we would be moving in together, so becoming engaged was all I could think about (mind you, any other time I could care less about getting married).  I knew it was coming up, so I spent everyday obsessing about always looking cute and wondering if today would be the big day.  Needless to say, in the end I had a big breakdown and was mortified of my behavior.

So, I thought I screwed things up big time too.  But the relieving part is that if your relationship is meant to be, a dose of nutsiness isn’t going to deter him.  What I did was apologize and explain where I was coming from.  He didn’t realize how agonizing the wait had become or how I got disappointed after every big holiday/event bc it didn’t happen.  All you can do is be honest and genuine with him.  If you guys have something good enough to be talking about marriage, you’ll get through this too.  Good luck! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

((HUGS)) for you BlueButterfly!

The first step in the right direction was you recognizing your actions. The second step was that he had communicated his feelings to you. Communication is key in a relationship and the fact that he opened up is a huge step for your relationship. I don’t think your relationship is lost or broken at all. Talk with him and explain to him what you explained to us.

Sometimes the engagement process can get a girly like us very emotional. I know because I have been there. I was getting lots of pressure from my family and friends that I ended up putting pressure on him. I didn’t know of the ring. I only heard from him that he will propose when he is ready and that it was coming soon. That was driving me nuts! When I realized that I was being too much I worked to control myself to where I talked less and less about the proposal. So when the day finally came, I had no idea whatsoever. It was the best day so far!

If your relationship is strong and your man loves you, you two will work this out!

Good luck and don’t forget to breathe!!

Post # 7
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Is there something missing in this puzzle? 

How badly did you bring it up, tease, nag, etc?  I think he would maybe be annoyed.  But did he tell you his feelings and ask you to quit it?  Is this way you’ve behaved regarding the ring similar to the way you behave about other things and perhaps the magnified experience of the"ring" is making him realize this better?  Thinking about the ring, are you going into all kinds of wedding stuff, bridezilla mode, my way or the highway behaviors?  Is he a control freak trying to manipulate you?

If he hasn’t brought this up to you before and is now making you feel like you might not make it together, he isn’t being fair in letting it fester this long.  IF he has told you how he feels before, then you messed up.  But I think based on what you’ve said, that he should be willing to let you two work on this.  Are you afraid he won’t give you a chance?  Are you afraid you won’t really be able to change?

This seems to be an eye opening experience for you.  Tell him it took this shocker to learn some unpleasant things about yourself.  You weren’t aware how you were coming across, and truly want to make things right.  Since he makes you happy, you want to make his life happy too.

Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I have been guilty of bugging my husband way too much (at the time, about wedding stuff). When he finally gets driven crazy by me, I find the best apology is the shortest and sweetest one. Probably the last thing that he wants to hear is another long-winded explanation of why you acted the way you did. All that he wants to know is that you are going to calm down and then for you to actually calm down. So you can acknowledge that it happened, say that you’re sorry, and then stop explaining. Wait to see if he wants to keep talking about it, and follow his lead. I imagine that preeminent in his mind is getting back the non-pressuring girl you are inside :). Less is more. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I agree with Tanya123 that it seems like there is something missing… can you go into more detail on how you were treating him and what he said when he confronted you about it?

After a 4 year relationship and him purchasing the ring, I cant understand him changing his mind or developing doubts simply because u pestered him about it.. no matter how annoying he found it to be (he should have some understanding that ur just super excited and anxious for it). If that is the only reason he has doubts now, I would definitely have some more conversations about it…

I think u both just need to be honest about your feelings and why you are acting the way you are.. and try to see some understanding for both sides..

Post # 10
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

I second chelseamorning – the more you bring it up or explain how you are feeling the more overwhelmed he is going to feel (if in fact he is feeling overwhelmed at all). I think a simple apology is best, move on, have fun, and the proposal will happen when it happens!

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

WHY DON’T MEN UNDERSTAND THIS IS LIKE A SUPERBOWL FOR US??????

I’m just saying.

Post # 13
Member
9 posts
Newbee

so you got excited & anxious geez guys dont understand how exciting this is for a girl 🙂 lol ,Dont worrie hun everything will be alright & if he loves you he’ll understand

Post # 14
Member
9 posts
Newbee

i totally agree with with Miss Starlet this is totally superbowl status for us! GUYS just give us the ring !!!!! be at church !!!!!! let us be excited its only once in our lifetime!!!!! LOL

Post # 16
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe you can think of it as too many stressors right now.  and just focus on getting those things stabilized before thinking about an engagement.  Is it possible he’s feeling with a new apartment and bank account, that it feels like you are already married?  Maybe he feels like the engagement won’t seem as special, or felt like he backed into a commitment that he wasn’t prepared for.  Whose idea was the bank account and apartment? 

 

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