I screwed up big time – what is the best way to fix this in the future?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

@sweet5k:  You didn’t make a mistake, so there is no reason to try and avoid anything in the future. You have included them up until this point, and you have continued to include them , think of them, travel to them when you can and overall be very inclusive/thoughtful. I would let your sister know ASAP that you don’t appreciate a barrage of angry texts over something so asinine and that you would expect a mother of ( almost) 5 to start acting like a mature adult as opposed to her 2 year old.  But that’s just me….

 

Don’t apologize. Enjoy planning and enjoy the time spent with BOTH family and friends.

Post # 4
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Mrs_Amanda:  This.

They can get over it. This is your wedding. We aren’t really including anyone in our planning process because they don’t need to be.

Post # 5
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sweet5k:  No, you don’t need to include your Mom and sister in all planning. I can understand your Mom being hurt by not being with you  the first time you tried on a wedding dress, but that is no excuse for your sister to dump all over you.

I would nip this attitude in the bud before you set a pattern for the whole period of planning your wedding.

” I am sorry your feelings are hurt.  As I have explained, it was a spur of the moment decision for me to try on the wedding dress. It is not going to be possible for me to wait till  I am home for any and all decision- making regarding the wedding. I would prefer to go shopping with my Mom and sisters .I will include you whenever possible.

I appreciate all the work that ____ did prepaing the package with ideas for dresses. I am hoping that you can understand that one shopping trip with the Groomswoman does not negate the feelings I have for my family.”

Post # 6
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Mrs_Amanda:  +1

You didn’t screw up. You are already including them way more than I did for my wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

You are such a nice, beautiful, amazing and kind person for even asking how to rectify that which I don’t even think is terribly wrong. I’d apologize to my mom just in case I hurt her feelings but I’d tell my sister to kiss my a$$.

Post # 8
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@sweet5k:  Your mom and sisters are crazy, it was not an intentional snub. Ugh I hate talking about my first wedding but this applies. Like you I have 2 sisters and I was going to go dress shopping with my mom and sisters at some point….I lived 2 hours away and like you do not drive. Well, one of my bms went out with me one day to casually browse that is it thats all. Tried on 3 dresses and one was so reduced in price because it was the end of summer and the store needed to make room for new stock. On top of being a steal price wise, it fit perfectly and would practically require nothing in the way of alterations. So I went back home sad b/c I did not buy the dress, my mom flipped when I bought my prom dress without her so I wasn’t talking a chance. THe same day I called her and told her about the dress and she said well I am not driving 2 hours today. I told her the price and started to describe it she cut me off and said “it’s a mermaid style is it?”, I told her no and she said “ok then go buy it”.

 

I would have expected her to freak even though I hadn’t intended to find “the dress” and you expected they’d understand. Point is you never can tell with family and weddings make people super crazy. Give them a chance to calm down and again explain this was not intended slight.

 

Congrats on the dress!!!

Post # 9
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ugh, why does family get nuts when it comes to weddings?!  We included our family/friends as little as possible because that just created more headaches for me because then I have to pay attention to their opinions and hear them go on about how much work it all is.  No thanks. 

Frankly, it’s your wedding and you seem to be doing tons to include them already!  They don’t have to be around for every decision.

Post # 10
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

You didn’t screw up and your sister is being a bitch. End of story.

You don’t need to fix this and you don’t need to include them in all planning. They need to realise that you’ve done a nice thing by having the wedding in the place that’s most convenient for them, and stop bitching.

Post # 11
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

@Mrs_Amanda:  “You didn’t make a mistake, so there is no reason to try and avoid anything in the future. You have included them up until this point, and you have continued to include them , think of them, travel to them when you can and overall be very inclusive/thoughtful. I would let your sister know ASAP that you don’t appreciate a barrage of angry texts over something so asinine and that you would expect a mother of ( almost) 5 to start acting like a mature adult as opposed to her 2 year old.  But that’s just me….

Don’t apologize. Enjoy planning and enjoy the time spent with BOTH family and friends.

OP, follow this advice. Seriously.

Post # 12
Member
5204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@sweet5k:  Here is how I see this: you are one lucky duck to have a family that loves you so much and wants to be so involved.  The downside of this type of family (I come from the same) is that sometimes it’s kind of high maintenance to keep everyone involved.  

 

Here’s what I’d do: call them and let them know that your sorry, that you didn’t mean to exclude them.  Talk to them about what things they want to make sure to be included in, and tell them how much you love them and appreciate their excitement about being involved.

 

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, but I also think that their hurt feelings come from a place of love.  Mend it up and I’m sure everything will be fine.  

 

Post # 14
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you feel the need to apologise, then do it. Otherwise, don’t. You have a family who wants to help you with every step of the way, and that’s fantastic. Don’t feel obligated to have them help you plan just because they want to. If you want them to help you with everything, great. If not, they need to accept that. You’re doing great! You didn’t do anything wrong, trust me 🙂

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