- 5 years ago
How old are you and bf? You two haven’t been exclusive for very long; what is the rush?
@morenitabee: I am so proud of you for keeping that smile on your face. I made a coworker of mine buy another box to put the earings he was giving to his GF in. They have been together 2 years and I told him if he gives her a gift in a little box she’s going to think its a ring and be a little hurt inside when it isn’t one. He totally got what I was saying and picked up a longer box. Guys don’t think of these things.
Your relationship sounds like its healthy and on the right track. It sounds like you have a future together and as hard as it is you just have to relax and enjoy this time as BF GF. And you can always ask him when he sees the next step taking place. The next time he brings it up ask him if he’s been thinking of when he wants to start that phase.
@Kimberley25: 24 and 25. We’ve been exclusive for about six months, but we have known each other over a year. We were really close friends before we decided to start a relationship. We will be moving in together towards the end of this year and I would prefer to be married. It was my boyfriend who has first mentioned marriage. I see what you mean by “what’s the rush” and I see that myself sometimes… I think that I would just like for it to either happen in the near future or not because we talk about it ALL THE TIME, and 90% of the time it’s because my bf brings it up.
My FI constantly talked about marriage and “our wedding” prior to getting engaged And it drove me nuts. I finally told him that I was no longer talking about or planning our wedding until I had a ring on my finger. after that, he stopped talking about it. That helped SO much. I knew he would propose when he was ready (and he wasn’t making me wait) I just couldn’t hear about it every day if we weren’t really planning our wedding yet!
@ScenicRoute: Well I felt like if I would have shown him I was disappointed, that might have hurt his feelings and ruined the evening. And you’re right, men don’t think about things like that! I enjoy our time as bf and gf, so that’s helping me in realizing that the waiting is necessary. I also think because I kind of resent the fact that he was married once, I question well why did he go ahead and marry her but he’s not trying to marry me? I know that’s silly and insecure and I have never expressed this to him, but that does cross my mind sometimes. I never thought of asking him. I think that I could explore that possibility further.
@morenitabee: I wouldn’t get hung up on him marrying someone else before you. You’re both young and haven’t been dating that long at all, and he has a failed marriage under his belt. I don’t know why you would compare yourself to something that didn’t work out, and think he loved her more. My advice is take a step back and appreciate where you are. There’s a lot of bees on this board who have been waiting for a ring years longer than you’ve been dating. You have a man who loves you and wants a future, and knows that within 6 months! That seems pretty special to me.
@morenitabee: I think I said “you’re driving me CRAZY with all this wedding talk, until you’re ready to propose…KNOCK IT OFF!!!!” Lol. I’m pretty direct but I also tried to explain to him in a few different ways….wanting something and not being able to have it but having someone dangling it in front if your face all the time….Not a nice thing to do. Also something to the effect of “I’m an adult and when I want something, I buy it or do it. Getting engaged is something I have no control over (the asking part…of course we agreed that marriage is something we both wanted eventually) so it’s difficult to hear about it all the time when it’s something I have no control over” I think those things kind of shut him up 😉
oh my gosh! sorry to hear that. i would just tell him to knock it off and cool down on the talk. he is either ready to commit or he isn’t. he shouldn’t send mixed signals. i have been with my boyfriend three years. we moved in together 6 months ago. i will tell you, living together made me a bit crazy. i never cared that much about getting engaged before, now we live together and it is a whole new level of me wanting to get engaged. living together feels like not enough anymore…i want a bigger commitment from him. i guess now i feel like okay we tried this and it’s working, i want everyone to know you still love me and are committed(everyone felt our relationship was ruined since we moved in together-old-fashioned family lol). Anyways, i feel for you and i hope you get a ring soon!!
@morenitabee: You’re saying you don’t have any sort of timeline, but you do! He’s said he wants to get married in 2014, so I would be THRILLED with that! Currently I have NO timeline, and I’m waiting a little longer to bring it up for several reasons, so I think you’re in great shape.
Also, as someone else said, I wouldn’t be concerned about him being previously married. He wouldn’t want to make the same mistake twice so it sounds like he sees something different about you and about this time around. Good luck!
I told him yesterday that maybe we should wait to discuss being engaged until we are settled into our new place. I told him that I am open to having a long or short engagement but it should be only when we’re ready and we could talk about it in more detail after we have lived together for awhile. He also told me that his mother asked him why hasn’t he been shopping for rings and he told her that “these things take time”. I told him that I would say yes whenever he asks, but for now we should focus on growing as a couple so that our marriage will have a stronger foundation.
I still want the ring, but I want him to feel like he’s ready. I told him that I won’t ever pressure him, but if he wants to get married to me he has to set things in motion.
I think it’s just frustrating because he already had a wedding and his first one won’t be with me. I knew this upon meeting him, but still what girl doesn’t want to be the first? There is a wedding photo of him and his family wearing his wedding colors. I cringed when I saw it was the same shade of blue that I’ve been eyeing… It’s hard not to get jealous… even though that relationship is dead and buried.
@morenitabee: I was once engaged to a previously-married man. (It didn’t work out but that was just because he was an asshole). But I know what you’re going through. Just keep reminding yourself that the past is the past and that you are super duper special 🙂 And if a photo like that is out for you to see I don’t think you’d be out of line for (nicely) asking it to be put away. It’s hard to get through to men sometimes; just keep reminding him you want this to be special even if he has to pretend like it’s his first wedding. If he’s sensitive to you he’ll come around!
@morenitabee: yeah I know what you mean. I wouldn’t want to pressure him either. I’m sure you will probably get it when he is ready! My brother’s wife married her high school sweetheart and got divorced and she and my brother are very happy. However, they also live 1000 miles away from where she grew up so he has never been in a situation where he would meet her ex by accident or something. And she never talks about her first wedding, but I think she dislikes big weddings since they went the super small route. I think it would be tough with someone who had already been married because I might always feel weird to be the second. However, true love is what really matters! This marriage will be different for your man since this time he has you and he is a lot more grown-up. Also, I wouldn’t feel bad asking whoever has that wedding pic to take it down…unless it would be super-awkward somehow lol.
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