- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I have been engaged for almost a year to a great guy that I have been dating for 4 1/2 years. I wanted to have plenty of time to plan the wedding and lose weight before we say “I do” so we allowed over a year to do so. Now I am 6 months out from THE DAY, and I’m completely torn. I”ve been in a little bit of a pity party mood lately and I don’t know if it’s work, wedding, or a combo of both. The weight I had planned to lose before the wedding.. well.. I’ve lost a whopping 10lbs of the 50 that I wanted to drop. I could certainly stand to lose more, but whatever. My Fiance doesn’t have much of an opinion on anything, and of course I expected that. It would still be nice if he would give some darn input. And my mother can’t seem to make up her mind.. to be excited about the wedding or not. Some days she perks up and seems eager to help me. Others, she makes me feel like I’m completely dooming myself. Let me explain…
FI’s family doesn’t have much. They live in the red.. always has, always will. My Fiance had to grow up quickly and become the responsible one. He worked, paid bills, and still got screwed by his family. He’s actually been arrested for a bad check that his dad wrote in his name. Fiance didn’t turn his parents in because he didn’t want anything to happen to them. Again, whatever. Not really whatever… lots of tears on my end have been shed over those people but what can I do? My mom only sees the way his family lives and is certain we will end up the same way. I think that Fiance and I have good heads on our shoulders. Bills/neccesities come first, and we work our tails off. We probably wont get to have a honeymoon, and it’s getting frustrating that his parents wont help with a dang thing. No money. So I’m stuck paying for everything… it sucks.
*geez, yall, I’m sorry I’m going off on random rants…*
Now, I can’t say that I haven’t had the same worries as mom. The money situation has definitely plagued my mind many, MANY times. I just wish she would drop it and at least PRETEND to be happy for me. Is that unreasonable? She even went as far as to say we didn’t need to join bank accounts until we “saw how things worked out.” Seriously?? Who says that to someone?
Now I’m even begining to have doubts about the marriage all together. I can’t tell if it’s just typical cold feet, if I’m freakin because I’m still a whale, if her words/actions have taken hold in my mind, OR if we genuinely just need to call it off because it’s the right thing to do.
I broke out in tears last week at work. Ugly cried in public over this crap.
Divorce is not an option for me. Maybe the thought of actually spend THE REST OF MY LIFE with someone is becoming more real?
*again, sorry for the random rants. I hope this made a little sense.