- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I am so paranoid that FMIL will read this that I created a new profile name.
I feel sick. Our wedding is two and a half months away (we will have been engaged for a year on the wedding day)
I’ve heard the Monster-in-law stories all the time on the bee, but never thought I’d have anything to contribute to it. Now, I do.
FMIL has never really been supportive of our relationship, mostly because FI is her only child and she’s been divorced for so long that he’s her “momma’s boy”. I knew that throughout the relationship, and was careful to never tread on her toes, overstep my boundaries, really do anything to make her think I was stealing him. We get engaged, she hosted the surprise engagement party, all was fine.
Halfway through the planning process she decides spur of the moment to move in with her four month boyfriend halfway across the country, and now is on my FI’s case because she feels left out and neglected.
She offered to still help from afar, which i gratefully accepted, because I’m stretched too thin as it is with work and planning in general. While I am so thankful, she’s sixty, I’m barely 23, and our taste clearly hasn’t been matching. So, when she said that she was buying our cake and we’d love it, we asked if we could see a picture or an inspiration photo or something.
Her response, via text message: “Sorry you clearly don’t trust my judgement, clearly you think you can do it better than I can, be my guest. See you at the wedding”
FI tried contacting her every day for a week, then we get this loooong response via email how “the past two years” she’s felt neglected, he never wants to see her, blah blah blah. She blamed me as the reason for feeling left out, says he’s never been the same ever since he graduated from college, and kept saying that she cries every night thinking about the boy she lost.
While I understand she’s sad that things are changing, I do NOT appreciate the emotonal blackmail. I wrote her a long response apologizing for everything, taking care to never point fingers or say her loneliness was because she decided to move away. I said i would try harder, that I take full responsibility, blah blah blah (because I’d rather her blame ME than her son). The last thing I ever wanted was to be a wedge in the family; I wanted people to do the whole “i’m not losing a son, i’m gaining a daughter” thing.
I’m sick to my stomach thinking about her response. Have I already ruined every chance of having a happy extended-family?