I should be allowed to get excited about my wedding, right?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Aw. I don’t have much advice to offer, but I just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through such a tough time and are now dealing with this. You should be able to get excited about your wedding. I am not sure what your mother’s problem might be. Maybe they have some financial burdens that you are unaware of? Either way, I am sorry you are feeling down. 

Post # 5
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@goingtotherooftopoflove:  I get it. Maybe the trip they took was a huge financial loss even if it was selfish and fun. You said your dad turned 65? Maybe it was like a bucket list trip, and now they feel stingy? I don’t know. lol I am not making excuses, maybe just trying to come up with an answer? Maybe try asking your mother straight up, and if that gets you nowhere get over her and get excited about the wedding they have generously offered to finance. Regardless of whether or not she is happy. 

Either way you look at it their offer is generous and it is the one thing you can look forward to right now. 

My mother can be a tad unenthusiastic so I understand you completely. 

Post # 7
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@goingtotherooftopoflove:  I understand you completely. You don’t sound like an “ungrateful pig”. We all have our troubles. I am sorry that this, along with your health, is yours. *hugs* 

Post # 8
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My parents have been super low key as well. They aren’t helping with paying for the wedding, but I was also really looking forward to some excitment and bonding with my mom over the planning. She just doesn’t seem to really care all that much. When we went dress shopping, all she said when I found my dress was “Well, that’s nice”. When I talk to her about details, she says pretty much the same thing than moves onto a different topic. My dad actually told my fiance that he would be happy when the wedding is over so that he doesn’t have to hear anymore wedding talk from me. After being initially hurt by it, I’ve decided that they are just sick of hearing about it – so I’ve stopped telling them details. It is so disappointing, but I guess that’s what my girls are for!

Big hugs to you sweetie! Your wedding IS something for you guys to look forward to, so just try focusing on that Smile

 

Post # 9
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sorry you’re dealing with this! I, too, am dealing with a not-so-excited mother, so I understand how upsetting it can be. My mom continues to tell me I’m “too young” to get married – despite the fact that when we do get married, FI and I will both be 26 and together for over 7 years. I keep telling her that saying that isn’t helpful, but she just won’t quit. It’s absolutely frustrating.

I don’t know your mom, but I know mine, and I know that once we get into the nitty gritty details of planning, she’s going to step up. I think it’s easy to not be really excited about an event that seems fairly abstract or far away, but as it gets closer and you require more help from your mom, I bet she will step up and even be as excited as you are.

That’s what I’m hoping for in my situation, at least. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@goingtotherooftopoflove:  Do you think that she is just hearing you say how stressed you are and she responds “its only a day” to minimize your stress?  Maybe she is not hearing exactly what you are trying to tell her.

Post # 11
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@goingtotherooftopoflove:  I think you have to focus less on the fact that your mom is low key, and more on the fact that your parents are paying for a fairly expensive wedding.  I know if my mom was willing to shell out $20k+ that I probably wouldn’t care if she never talked to me about the wedding, I’d be too ecstatic that she was willing to foot the bill.  Obviously your mom is excited for you if she’s willing to do that, she just may have a different way of showing it.

Post # 13
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

How long ago was your brother’s wedding? She might just be wedding’d out and had more than her desired fill of planning.

She might also be a ‘debbie downer’ as you say, because she doesn’t want to see you hurt if the day doesn’t turn out to be everything you’d dream. To me your mum just sounds very very practical but not uncaring.

Post # 15
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Do your parents like your fiance? Is there any reason they’d be unhappy with you getting married now?

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