(Closed) I should be excited about this, but 4now I’m just broke & wish I’d eloped

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yes, I know how you feel.  I never wanted a “real wedding” either. I would have been just as happy with a keg and bbq.  We have lived together for 3 and a half years, and already own a home. So this doesn’t really mark any change for us other than it being legal.  And I am also dreading being the center of attention. It just feels like a lot of pressure, and not really fun.  I am hoping to change my mentality about it.  I sort of got thrown into it because both our parents gave us enough money to have a real wedding, so it just sort of took shape.  But if I had to pay myself, I would have never done it.   Have you put down a lot of deposit money already?

Post # 5
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

P.S. my wedding is in loudonville, where is yours?

Post # 6
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If you don’t want to have the wedding, then don’t!  You’re not obligated to have a huge party just for your family, especially if they’re not contributing financially.  If you want to run off to Hawaii, then you should.

Post # 9
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I felt like you do and hated almost every moment of wedding planning, especially the amount of money we spent.  We DID elope, and it was lovely, but we kept it quiet and went on with the big wedding anyway.  AND I AM SO GLAD WE DID!   I loved our wedding and it really did feel different saying our vows in front of all those people and spending the day surrounded by friends and family than when it was just the two of us in Vegas.  I have no regrets and I still think wedding planning is miserable, but having the wedding itself was wonderful.  Totally worth it in the end. 

You need to do what is right for you, really, you do, because at the end of the day, the goal is the marriage, not the wedding.  Good luck whatever you do and hang in there! 

Post # 10
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I was up for eloping as well (always kind of dreamed of a Vegas wedding) but I decided not to  because I thought it would mean a lot for my family to be there. I don’t like being the center of attention, but a friend of mine got married last year and I was envious, I’ll admit. She got tons of gifts, got to dress up, and have a huge party in her honor. I changed my mind and thought I have to have a wedding.

My fiance just wants to be married. He doesn’t like hoopla and is really tight with money, so any amount of money is too much to spend in his opinion, probably. I feel guilty any time I buy anything wedding related. He goes on about having to foot the bill for the honeymoon, which again, makes me feel guilty. His parents are the same – no hoopla or dressing up for them, so I just feel like I’m forcing people to do something they don’t want to do. My mom and my side of the family is excited, they just don’t have much money to offer.

I’ve started selling things on Ebay to help defray costs. Honestly. What I sold has already paid for all of our wedding party flowers. My small summer bonus will go to paying our minister. I buy little things each pay day so it’s not so overwhelming. I’ve utilized a lot of the DIY pages on Wedding Bee. You will get money as gifts to help pay back some of what you spent.

I suggest that you try to make the day as much about you and your fiance as possible. I’ll admit to having a wedding mostly for my family, but all the little details are for me and my fiance.

Post # 11
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

This sounds all too familliar to me… We still have over a year, but that’s because we are paying for it ourselves and my fiance has been out of work for the past six months after a really bad car accident, and buying a house just 3 months before that! Now we are both working our butts off to get ahead again to even begin to save for the wedding/honemoon.  I was hoping that I would be able to talk him into taking off to Ireland with only our best friends and getting hitched, but he wasn’t having it. I believe in the end he will be right (as he has been many many times lol) and all this hard work and planning will be worth it.  I agree with October4040, even if the wedding in general is for everyone else, if you’re going to spend the money, at least spend it while remembering it’s about YOU and HIM! 

Post # 12
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hi I don’t think you should be having a wedding for other people.  Or if you do, it should just be a bar b que.  It’s really your and his wedding after all.  One of my friends at work said that she wished she had spent less on her photographer.  She’s divorced now.  When my parents got married, it was just the two of them.  They have been married for 35 years.

Post # 13
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My FH and I are planning and paying for our wedding by ourself, and we *thought* we wanted a big party with all of our friends (we invited our familites too, but we are not excited about them), but wedding planning SUCKS and I hate it too.  especially since we have gone through *all* of our savings, so I feel your pain 🙂  We were so stressed out that we decided to have a secret elopement.  So we ran off and got married and it relieved the stress!  It makes me realize that the one thing that a wedding should be about was getting lost in meeting with our planner.  So now, we are so much more relaxed since the most omportant thing about our day is already taken care of.

Post # 14
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Well ladies, I am getting married for a second time, and I eloped the first time. I never wanted a big wedding or anything, so we went to Vegas & got married at a small chapel & then honeymooned for a week. It was sort of anticlimactic since no one was ther to share it with us and then it was just plain awkward having to tell our parents, friends, coworkers, etc.  As time went on & it became clear that we really shouldn’t have gotten married, I realized that I never would’ve married him if I had taken the time to plan even a small wedding and/or have my friends and relatives there.

As much as I don’t like to be the center of attention, I’m actually looking forward to it this time around, with THE RIGHT MAN and all of our relatives and a few friends. Knowing how happy people are for us and hearing them tell us how excited they are & how they’re looking forward to being there with us brings me so much joy!

Yes, planning is a pain and paying thousands and thousands of dollars for a glorified party in this economy seems a bit crazy… But in the end, FH & I will be glad we “made it legal” with our loved ones there and we’ll have wonderful memories to last our lifetime & so will you!

Please try to keep in mind that it is your day as in you & your FH. Make sure to make it as much yours as possible. vIf you want it small or casual or in the backyard—then do it! Make it a special day for both of you first and then everyone else & don’t let peer pressure & wedding shows make you spend more than you want to or can afford. People who really care about you don’t care how expensive or fancy your wedding is; they’re just thrilled to celebrate your marriage with you 🙂

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