He lives in another state? .... this contradicts your post from about 10 months ago.
based on your previous posts, it sounds like you guys have had a tumultuous relationship. Do you think it's time to put the needs of your child ahead of this moron? I personally wouldn't let himback in my house until some sort of legal arrangement was made- like child support and understanding if you're married or not.
Good for you! You deserve better, and most importantly your son deserves better too.
Im not sure if your married or how that works. But I say figure it out quick, and consult a lawyer. Its time to move on...
@notsurewhat2do: *BIG HUG*
I would contact your local registrar where you obtained your liscense and see what the legal proceedure is now.
At this point, you might be able to get the marriage annuled?
Good luck dear!
PS-I'm a paranoid person but I've seen this happen: PLEASE make sure that mutual friends and family know the truth of what is going on so he does not get a chance to lie about why you left!!
Why do women set out to tell the other woman? Your problem is with HIM, not her.
@LuvMySailor: I want to get it annulled but the town hall says they need license to make certificate. This is a clusterfuck. I never should have stayed with him from the beginning but I was hoping things would change after we got married.
@dmk90716: Reading OPs post it seems that the other woman has no clue that the man is married. She needs to know this.
@dmk90716: I told her because he didn't. he ruined our family so I fucked up his relationship.
@notsurewhat2do: So according to them you are legally married even though he refuses to sened in the certifcate?? What state are you in?
I'm so sorry OP. I would be calling him everyday to end this. I would be calling his parents too.
I am going to bookmark this thread so when I start missing him I can read how much of a dumb ass I have been letting him stay in my life.
Honey I'm so very sorry! What a hurtful, terrible situation for you and your son. Your ex is a horrible person, and honestly you're lucky to be rid of him. I can't believe he would feed you that crap over Christmas so that he could essentially have some company while she was away.
I don't *think* you're married, but that depends on the laws in the state in which you had the ceremony. As far as I know, you aren't legally married until the license is filed with the county/state. That may just be the law in my state, and I highly recommend looking into your state's laws to get the full answer.
You deserve so much better. It may be a terrible thing for me to say, but I hope you aren't legally married so that the separation process is easier for you. ((Hugs))
If the other woman knows he has a child, wouldn't the obvious be that there is a mother? He can't be "in love" with someone that doesn't even know he is a parent.
irregardless, he's not worth your time. I wouldn't focus your time and energy on hating the other girl, this is all his doing.
@LuvMySailor: I don't want to post my state because I am a known regular bee and people will know who I am by the state. I have looked into this extensively and started child support proceedings today.
I'm so sorry :( I don't understand him caring more about her than his family, that's just terrible. I guess the bright side is that now he can't waste any more of your time and you can head toward a better future for you and your child.
I agree that the other woman should know. She's not responsible for what happened, no, but she should know that this guy just got married - especially if he's intentionally keeping it from her because he knows she wouldn't approve. I don't think another woman should head into a relationship with this sort of guy blindly.
Ew what a total douche. Did you ever end up talking to an independent lawyer about the pre-nup? What happened with that?
I know the registrar needs to notarize the certificate to complete the process but I'm not sure if the officiant and witnesses writing an affidavit will be sufficint to prove that you are actually married. The only reason I bring this up is because your SO sounds super shady and I would nail him to the wall for support for this stunt of his. And I am glad you contacted the other woman. She doesn't deserve to be pulled into a dishonest relationship either. Dude needs therapy.
Oh honey my heart breaks for you. What an evil person he is!
I cannot believe he did this to you. You did a good thing by telling that girl. Now he's going to be lonely and miserable. Whatever you do, do not take him back. You have to be strong for yourself and your child. See if you can get a divorce or even if you are legally married. You should go back to where you got the license from. In the meantime, stay away from him. I am always paranoid, so be careful. He might be a litte crazy...
Best of luck to you honey. You're a strong woman, you will get through this.
@notsurewhat2do: hopefully you can get this marriage anulled. did you ever end up signing a prenup? if you have been the breadwinner for all of these years, he may want spousal support from you.
i just hope that you can make a clean break from him and focus on yourself and the well being of your child.
@notsurewhat2do: That is so awful! Please, don't ever open your heart to him again. He doesn't deserve it. He is an asshole, 100%. There is no other way to view the situation. If I were you, I would do my best to never, ever look to him ever again for any sort of emotional fulfillment. I would try to see him for what he is, a broken, selfish, narcisistic human being. I would get child support, primary custody, and move the fuck on. Like another poster said, the bright side is he was SUCH an asshole that you can make a clean break now and move on. I have a good friend who is beautiful, smart, kind, talented, affection and smart. She was strung along for 10 years on and off by a narcisistic jerk and she recently found out he was having relationships with other women the whole time (they were long distance for much of their relationship) and so she left and never looked back. Finally!
I hope you have the resources to get therapy because this cannot be easy to get over. In the future, I hope you're able to detect other losers from a mile away so you only let people in your life who are deserving of a real relationship. Take care of yourself!
Not her place to tell her. The girl needs to do her research. It's not that hard to find. Besides, she's not telling her to be compassionate, she's scorned and pissed off. Her problem is with HIM and I'll bet that if he talked the right game, she'd be right back with him.
@dmk90716: Exactly - she's scorned and pissed off, and after what he did to her I'd say she's more than justified. I mean, I get "be the bigger person" and all, but you'd have to be a heckofa HUGE person to keep your mouth shut in her situation. Was it "the right thing to do" maybe not, but I don't blame her. The girl has been hurt ENOUGH so lets not turn this thread into "lets judge the OP" please.
@PandasWifey: +1. Although the OP has made some mistakes, let's concentrate on what a worthless POS her husband (?) is.
You and your daughter deserve someone so much better.
@notsurewhat2do: While I don't agree with your reasoning for telling the other woman, I still think it's the right thing to do. I know if I was her I would want to know how much of a douchebag this guy is before getting really involved with him. *HUGS* I wish you and your child the best.
Since you've been married for such a short time, you should talk to an attorney about getting an annulment instead of a divorce. You should talk to an attorney asap. Seriously, it may cost you a little money but it is far better than trying to work this out on your own. You need and advocate on your side to shut this guy down.
@PandasWifey: +1 It was the right thing to do. I'm so tired of reading about how this isn't the other girl's fault because she didn't know... Even if she didn't, she deserves to know And until you've been in either person's shoes you shouldn't judge! These sociopathic men continue to get away with conning woman after woman BECAUSE no one talks about it!
I lived through this myself but didn't tell the other girls because honestly I just didn't give a crap about him by that point so if he wanted to leave me for one of them then Good Riddance! However, I would have given anything if someone had told me about the child that was conceived WHILE we were engaged...I would never have married him!
And the other thing is how could this NOT be her business?! This is her husband and the father of her child! It is completely her business especially since HE CHOSE TO MARRY HER!
You should talk to whomever married you, see what the procedure is or the county that you were married in. I'm glad you are taking active steps to inform the unknowing girl about what a scum bucket your baby's dad is. What an ass hat. I can't imagine not telling another person what i know ... so they g et the opportunity to get blind sided ... if she listens to you or not is a whole other ball of wax.
You have to find out about all the gifts from the wedding too, I mean cash some checks find someone TO GIVE you the RETAINER for an atty and let this scum have it. Stop whining on here and get your arse into gear girl you ahve a baby that YOU MUST take care of.
I know here in Florida- the courthouse gives you a marriage license. If, after 60 days, you haven't "gotten married" and sent in the license back to the courthouse, the license is null and void and you would have to go through the process again to get legally married.
I'm not sure what the laws are in your state, so you can call the courthouse (or wherever you obtained the license) and your officiant, and ask for their advice on the matter.
On a personal note- how dare he! I'm so sorry you're going through this and I can't believe he asked you to play nice to him and not involve this other woman in what kind of a selfish and (no offense) evil person he is!! He deserves what consequences he gets and for you and this other innocent woman to move on!
@notsurewhat2do: I'm pretty sure without the entire process, anywhere, you are not legally married. I was joking with one of my officiants who is a friend and asking if he'd ever conducted a marriage without completing the process and he said he hadn't but it was entirely possible.
Although you told the other girl for perhaps the wrong reasons, I do agree with the other posters that it is good that she finds out what he is doing.
@dmk90716: What do you mean by saying the other woman needs to do her "research" -- if I started dating someone and he said he's not married, I don't really think I would then go look him up in public records to fact check what he said. I agree that I don't think she told the other woman out of compassion, but I still think it's a good move because the other woman deserves to know what she's dealing with.
OP: I hope you can get help from your local registrar so you can get this sorted out as quickly as possible. This guy sounds like a jerk and he doesn't deserve any more of your time.
@notsurewhat2do: Good for you! Normally, I wouldn't advise someone to get involved with the girl your guy was cheating on you with. However, in your case-YOU WERE MARRIED. I applaud you for sticking up for yourself. And you know what-if I were HER and didn't know about you or the fact that my guy was recently MARRIED-somewhere down the line after I got over the deception-I'd really appreciate that you told me. So, even though her bubble is going to burst when she powers up her phone because of you-she deserves better (so do you). You did that girl a favor!
That's awful! I'm so sorry. No great advice that hasn't already been given. Get on the legal stuff ASAP and I agree that I think it is most likely that you aren't actually marrier. Which would actually probably be a good thing.
@dmk90716: Umm, the dude screwed his "wife" while his girlfriend was out of town. I don't know about you, but I'd definitely want someone to tell me about that. Not to mention, the fact that he just got married! She deserves to know so that she can move on from this piece of shit.
Oh my gosh this man is a loser! I am so sorry you are going through this!
Two weeks and he loves her? And he's more concerned about a two week fling than his family? This guy makes me want to hit something.
I'm so sorry for you. That girl deserves to know, he deserves to be dumped by the both of you. And when she gets those photos and leaves him and he comes crawling back to you, be sure to slam the door in his face. He deserves nothing.
I am so so sorry you have to go through all of this, you are too good for this
@notsurewhat2do: Where is the marriage license? You said you didn't turn it in, but where is it? do you have it? does he? If you turn it in, you are legally married. If you don't, you aren't married through the state so I would probably burn it. Get child support from him, but if the license wasn't turned in, the state won't see you as legally married because they don't know when everything was filled out. You can still be "spiritually" married, but I think unless it's a very orthodox religion (I know orthodox jewish people have to get divorced even if there is no legal marriage, only a spiritual religious one) there's not a formal 'divorce' proceeding for the spritiual portion, just the legal.
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After the whole prenup thing, he started acting weird. Then a few days before the wedding he said he met someone two weeks prior and wasn't sure about getting married. Stupidly, we both got married as we spent so much money on the wedding and he promised to come to counseling with the officiant. Two days later (we didn't have a honeymoon), he told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore and cancelled the session with officiant. He lives in anther state so I told him to pack his things and leave.
The officiant conducted the wedding for us but returned the license to us so we could mail it in after the wedding when we went to counseling. Now my ex won't mail it in so I don't even know if I am married or not as I can not get certificate without license being returned.
A week ago, he told me he wanted to spend time with me and our son for Christmas, said he thinks it would be good for us and can repair our relationship. I drove two and a half hours to see him and we were having a great time, had sex and everything until he wanted to sleep on the couch instead of in bed with us. So I went through his phone and found out that he was sleeping with the girl he had met two weeks prior. He told everyone about her and how they had sex and the condom burst so he had to give her money for Plan B. Then I saw texts from her to him and saw that she is on vacation right now so he was going to be alone for the holidays. She comes to his apartment almost every night and spends the night.
So I confronted him and he basically told me he is in love with her and begged me not to contact her because she would never speak to him again once she finds out he just got married. He didn't tell her anything about me... I never came up. Well I did text her and sent her photos of the wedding. She is out the country right now but when she powers her phone back up I hope she sees all of my texts to her. I even texted my cell phone number and called and left a voice mail about the situation, just in case the texts don't go through.
I don't understand how a man can be more concerned for a girl he just met and barely knows versus the mother of his first child. Then he tried to make me feel bad about the situation saying I ruined his chances with her. How could I go from being happy and about to be married to single and alone. I gave him 5 years and he left me for two weeks.