I should probably go anonymous for this but….

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Member
7514 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Paiger8 Um, he sounds like a controlling dick who doesn’t love you for who you are.  I’m sorry, that’s harsh, but this story really does not paint a pretty picture. You are young and have all the time in the world to find someone who does love YOU.  Ditch this asshole. 

Member
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Paiger8:  Dear God, I’m so sorry you’re going through with this. I think your BF is expecting way too much of you. You’re not a robot. You’re human, and we all have flaws. That’s what makes us interesting and relate-able. Even your BF, though he may think he has high standards, is not without fault. Granted any one can benefit from a little self-improvement in the right atmosphere. However, your BF’s methods of isolating and belitting you, is neither correct nor healthy. It seems you guys have tried sorting this out yourselves without positive results. At this time, you probably need a third party to step in to mediate and help you both find effective ways of communicating to one another and helping to resolve your issues. Go to couples counseling. Lastly, I wouldn’t focus too much oon wondering if they proposal triggered the behavior. You truly won’t know until you guys find some sort of resolution and worrying about it will just drive you crazy. Good luck!

Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Time to move it along, this guy sounds like a douchebag.

Member
1704 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This is really not good. He’s being horrible to you. The part about you not being invited to parties and gatherings at his place sounds the most damning. My FI would refuse to be at any social gathering where I wasn’t invited, and he’d never consider not inviting me himself. And I don’t know which of you had the idea that he’ll make all the dough with an aerospace engineering degree and you have to follow him, but I wouldn’t count on it. My aerospace engineer FI couldn’t find work for a full year (this is a really bad time for the field overall), and now he makes decent money, but nothing to follow him across the country for. I’ll eventually make more than he will. Bottom line, this guy treats you like he’s doing you a favor by gracing you with his presence. Time to walk away. You’ll never know how it feels to be truly loved, appreciated, and respected unless you say goodbye and move on. 

Member
233 posts
Helper bee

@Paiger8:  There’s a saying “when someone shows you who they are believe them”

You say you have been with your boyfriend for 2 years and the first year was amazing. Most people experience that loved up period where the sun shines out of the other person then it settles down to normal life after a while. I think the fact that you were long distance maybe shielded you from that.

You have talked marriage but he won’t invite you to parties with his roommates when girls are invited or stick up for you in front of his family? I would not be ok with those things at all.

As for him being critical,a partner should be supportive and see you as their equal. He shouldn’t be acting like he’s better than you.

How do you feel about him now?  Your post is mainly about how he seems to feel. 

Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@lolot:  +1 

OP, he sounds like a complete jerk. I’m sorry that he’s treating you this way. I’d leave him.

Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@lolot:  What she said. Thats not the way you treat anyone, let alone the person you love. 

Member
3159 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Paiger8:  He does not sound like a supportive, caring or loving partner that you DESERVE to have in your life.

OP, this appears to be a recurring theme given your previous post….http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/feeling-judged-by-my-so.

Regardless of your weight, your career goals, your academic success or your personal choices, you deserve to be respected and loved. Your significant other should be a supporter and someone who completes you. He is treating you more like a child (albeit, he would make for an awful parent at this point), not like a partner.

Unfortunately, it seems like he is showing his true colors. It is your decision, but is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?

 

Member
3815 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow.

I’m not sure what to tell you except think long and hard before continuing with wedding plans. The first year usually is amazing…and then you slowly learn who your partner really is. I firmly believe in loving someone for who they are and if he is criticizing who you are, that’s not good. You mentioned that he has super high expectations for himself…well, you are not him. He also “expects you to be thin and toned”…what if you are someday very sick and put on weight? What about if you were ever to be pregnant? Criticizing who your looks and leaving you out of plans does not sound very healthy. I don’t condone making a rash decision, but I might be re-considering the relationship at this point.

Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Have to agree with everyone else.  This does not sound like a healthy and loving relationship.

Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee

He doesn’t love you for who you are – simple.

As hard as it may be and as much as you love him and obviously see a future with him, I think you need to consider that you would be happier without him.

Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Three words: Ditch the asshole.

Somebody needs to have expectations of him and make him feel what it’s like

Member
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@bmo88:  exactly this. And seriously – if this were a parent treating their child this way, they would be a horrible parent.  Why any different when you’re an adult OP?

I would leave.  Who wants to constantly feel like they’re not good enough? Not me, and probably not you.  His nitpicking about how you’re not good enough actually sounds quite abusive to me.  How long can you be put down before you aren’t even yourself anymore? Time to move on and find someone who loves you for you.  Being you doesn’t sound so awful to anyone but him.  That’s just not right.

Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Oh honey, I am so sorry you are going through this!  He sounds exactly like my ex!

Like you, when we first started dating things were great!  In my case, things didn’t start to go downhill until after we got engaged.

My ex became very critical of all sorts of things, said I wore too much makeup, would say my clothes were too revealing (trust me, they weren’t at all!), ask me why I go to the gym (‘who are you trying to look good for?’), etc.

We had a huge blowup about my e-ring (there’s a super long thread about it) and many bees said he is now showing his true colors and to believe this is the real him.  I hate to say it, they were right.  What hurt so much was that it was like he was a completely different guy than the one I knew and fell in love with.

We wound up breaking up but were able to have a long civilized talk afterwards.  It turns out he didn’t have the balls to break up with me, so he was being mean, hoping I would be the one to ‘officially’ break it off so he didn’t have to look like the bad guy.

Now I’m not sure if that’s the case with your guy, but it seems strange that all this would start after he bought your ring.  Maybe he is having second thoughts.  Maybe the time in the LDR made him realize he’s not ready for marriage.

You should NOT be treated this way at all; you two need to have a long talk and if this behavior from him continues, you need to keep your self respect and walk away from this relationship.  If you let him treat you like this, he will continue to.

Big hugs.

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