I shouldn't be surprised, but somehow I still let my mom get to me.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

MissPhish:  im SO sorry. I completly understand though as Im in a similary situation with my mom (she was “too busy” to come to my sisters wedding last year, and i’m not inviting her to mine). The things i keep reminding myself are that I do have lots of people in my life that are excited for the wedding and want to help, also i know that my mothers selfish behavior is her problem and she will never change. I also know that her selfish behavior is disappointing but she will look back one day and realize she missed out. 

Just remember you are graduating college and marrying the love of your life! You should be proud of yourself and the people who have your back will be there supporting you! Don’t let her inability to be a good parent get you down! <3

Post # 4
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My mom is like this in some ways. I understand. The only advice I could give is not to have any expectations from her. I wish I could follow that advice myself.

Post # 5
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

MissPhish:  My mother is an abuseive alcoholic addict. My siblings and I cut her out of our lives as soon as we could to save ourselves any more heartbreak. She doesn’t even know I’m getting married and i like it that way.

My best advice to you is to cut your mother out of your life. Otherwise the manipulation, lies and hurt will never end. Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

First – I want to congratulate you on your upcoming wedding!  And as a MOB who was tremendously blessed with 2 very very awesome MIL’s during my lifetime, I want to remind you of the treasure you have in your FMIL.

As someone who has had family members die of alcoholism/addiction I want to bring you back down a notch to reality.  I think every bride has dreams and aspirations of her mother wanting to be involved, being interested, helping, etc.  It is what we see in the movies!  The moms we see in the movies didn’t spend their children’s early years high and their teen years in prison.

I say this gently, but I want you to be able to move on here:  Your mother has never ever been the mom you are looking for right now.  Ever.  Weddings do not change poor mothers into great ones or great moms into poor ones.  You are who you are and the fact that your daughter is getting married doesn’t change any of that.

Let go of your hopes that she will rise to the occasion.  She never has before and she has no interest in doing so now.  Also – please stop expecting her to help with any expenses.  That is a misguided expectation.  Your FMIL volunteered to do these things she has offered.  Your mother has not.  If a parent does not volunteer help, you should not expect it.

The sooner you let go of what you wish she would be and embrace the other wonderful things in your world as you plan your wedding, the better you will feel.  You deserve a wonderful time of planning, but you will sabotage yourself if you keep having these expectations.

I wish you the very best in your wedding planning and your marriage.

Post # 8
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

MissPhish:  Hey don’t judge her just pray for her..Don’t ever cut your mom off be the bigger person and try to understand her situation. My mom is like my best friend and God knows she put me through hell as a child. Smoking weed!!! try crack and dope and witnessing it from 5-14 yrs old!!!

Post # 9
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

 

MissPhish:  I’m so sorry you never had the kind of mother you deserve. Be proud of the amazing person you’ve become regardless of the hand you were dealt. Some people just never change. Her giving birth to you doesn’t automatically make her a good person and I think it would be best to move on and surround yourself with more supportive and nurturing people. 

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