Post # 1
My FMIL and I had a rocky start but I feel that we actually have a good relationship. So anyway…during the whole wedding process I’ve been really cognizant of costs because that is one thing that my FMIL is mindful of as well. I’ve got my mother in one ear calling me a cheap bride and my FMIL in the other ear asking how much is that going to cost.
So let’s get to the whole point of my story. I DIY’d my invitation. (I don’t have a pic to post, but the feedback is that they are beautiful, which really means a lot to me.) It’s a pocket fold with the Invite, the RSVP card, a reception card, a “Other Wedding Info” card and the RSVP envelope. Then it is sealed with a Gold Rose Sticker and goes into the envelope.
She called my FI yesterday and here’s how that goes:
FMIL: “I got the invitation. How much did these set you back?”
FI: Nothing really. Just the paper because Ms. Shamrock made them.
FMIL: What do you mean nothing? Everything costs something.
FI: You’re not hearing me. Ms. Shamrock, MADE THE INVITATIONS HERSELF. On the computer. She got paper, and made them. She spent a lot of time on them and I think they turned out really nice.
FMIL: You’re not telling me how much so they must have cost a mint.
FI: <hang up>
I would never condone anyone treating their mother that way but I was really touched that Mr. Shamrock went to the mat for me with his mom. I put a lot of thought and care into making and assembling them and she was just plain mean.
Like I said, I think my FMIL and I have a pretty good relationship so this whole “Cybil” type turnaround with the attitude was like a slap. Has anyone else had this happen? Maybe not with invites but with anything to do with planning?
Should I talk to her about it (not confront, talk) or just leave it go? She is 82.
Post # 3
I say just leave it.
Honestly this reminds me of my FI. He is SO CHEAP… I seriously love him to death but sometimes he gets his cheap hat on and I want to pimp slap him!
Just leave it, I am sure she didn’t realize how much effort you put into them!
Post # 4
Is she paying for the wedding? If not, then it shouldn’t matter how much they did or didn’t cost!
Post # 5
I think that’s flattering that she thought you spent a lot of money on your invites! I would just let it go. You have to pick your battles, and this just doesn’t seem like a good one to have.
Post # 6
@rhill621: Not a dime. We are paying for this 100% ourselves.
Post # 7
Well look at it this way, you should be flattered that she thinks they cost “a mint”! 🙂 Not saying that all seniors have comprehension issues, but maybe she truly doesn’t understand HOW you made them yourself? Also perhaps age related; my Grandma at that age was prone to mood swings and out-of-the-blue snarkiness. We just ignored it.
As for the cost, as someone else said, you are paying for it so it shouldn’t matter. I know, my mom did the same thing though she wasn’t contributing a penny. “How are you AFFORDING all this!!?” and “How much did THAT cost you!” and “I just can’t understand how you are affording all this!” over and over. It’s called savings, mom, over 2 years of saving. Arrgh.
Post # 8
I voted B and C. And I think its perfectly fine to hang up on your mama when she’s being impossible. I do it to my Mum when she goes on a tangent as well.
Post # 9
@MsInterpret: That is what I was thinking. My mom is only 44 and she doesn’t realize that people can make their own invites and centrepieces and what not.
Post # 10
82… yeah, that’s getting to an age where you just nod and call it a day. Theres no more filter on what they say. And I dont understand why any of it matters to her anyways… is she paying for any of it? If not, I’d tell her nothing, its none of her business.
Post # 11
Now I really want to see them! Can you post pics so that we may ogle the paper porn?
If she’s not paying for anything, I say you and FI should just ignore her. Decide on a stock answer to these questions and just keep spitting it out whenever she starts picking at you.
Post # 12
oh, just saw your response. Can you or FI just tel lher don’t worry about cost, its being handled! This extra headache is just unnecessary!
Post # 13
The invites must look very professional and expensive for her not to believe you made them! I would definitely file this away as a compliment.
Also, I totally had to giggle when you said you’d never condone hanging up on your mom. My FI and his mom take turns hanging up on each other, and I’ve never seen two people swear so much at each other and also love each other at the same time. His mom is a HANDFUL, but sooooo loved.
Post # 14
Personally, if she asks again how much ____ costs I would tell her that unless she’s paying for it it’s none of her business and you don’t feel comfortable sharing that information with her. Actually, I would make FI do that since it’s HIS mom. Our rule is that whoever’s side of the family it is has to deal with their quirks/issues.
Post # 15
I have to agree that why does it matter what you spent on them, or anything for that matter? Is she contributing to the wedding? or actually is she even paying for all of the wedding, because if she is only contributing, and she wants her money spent on something specific that is fine, but she can’ tell you how to spend YOUR money. Fianically nothing is her business when it comes to you two, so why is she so nosey? Why does she care? I don’t know just seems really weird to me. I would never have any interest in knowing or asking someone what their invites cost unless I wanted to make them myself, and wanted to get a genreal idea of cost, but not ever just out of curosity. I agree that just let this one go, if she brings it up again, tell her all your paid for was the paper, and maybe some printer ink, and that you made them yourself, so it didn’t cost a lot, because you didn’t have someone do them for you, or order them online, or whatever, and leave it at that. If she really keeps asking you like nagging about it and won’t let it go, just tell her to stop, and leave you alone, that you already told her what you paid for, and that it was not a lot.
Post # 16
@tranquility: Right! My mom somehow locked herself out of her Facebook account last month and simply won’t bother to figure out how to reset the password! She is 69 though. Your comment freaks me out a little as I’m 39 and I hope that in 5 years I still have a clue! LOL!
@pinkshoes: Exactly, no filter. About 10 years ago or so, before my Grandmother’s Alzheimer’s started to show, she was just tactless. It was shocking. We were at my oldest son’s birthday party and my Grandma saw my best friend who she’d known at that point for over 20 years. My friend had been experimenting with hair color and the result was a faded mess. First words out of my Grandma’s mouth to her:
“Hello L, how are you? How is your husband? Your hair looks like shit!”