Post # 1
I’m getting married in August of 2010. I bought my wedding dress about a month ago, on the first time out looking – my mom cried when she saw me in it ^_^. I absolutely love the dress because it’s not one of those traditional dresses with a huge skirt that would probably get very hot in August weather. It also has an empire waist with ‘off the shoulder’ straps embellished with detail.
Well, I was having some second thoughts about the dress since I bought it the first time looking. My fiancé was really excited about it and wanted to see, so I agreed to show him a few (I really wanted to see what he thought!) with mine in the mix so I could see if he liked it or not.
In order to throw him off, I went through a good… 50 ish dressed before we got to mine (not a good idea – he gets bored easily). He was almost positive that the dress was in the collection before the collection mine was in (and mine was the first dress in that collection) so when it came to mine, he wanted to talk about the previous collection because he thought we had already passed mine… off-handedly saying that my dress (not knowing it was mine of course) looked like a nightgown.
Obviously I couldn’t hide my disappointment, and he knows which one mine is now. Of course he says that he loves it and can’t wait to see me in it on our wedding day. I can’t help feeling bad about the whole thing. I contacted the designer to see if there was any way I could possibly return it and order a different style, but it might be too late.
What should I do? Try and sell it or return it and get a different one? I know I shouldn’t have showed him to begin with, I have a feeling it would be very difficult to sell it even though it hasn’t been altered.. it hasn’t even come in yet!
Post # 3
Weeeelllllllllllll, I hate to say it, annmpoi, but I think you may just have set yourself up for this one. I think your FI was trying his hardest to say the right thing in an emotionally loaded situation.
Plus keep in mind that men describe things differently than women do. He would probably not bust out and compliment the bead work or empire waist or the train or anything. Saying something looks like a "nightgown" may have been the only thing that came into his head at that point.
I’m SURE you look beautiful, and I’m SURE that your fiance will love how you look in this beautiful "nightgown" lol on your wedding day!
Post # 4
Your dress is really pretty! Hindsight’s 20/20 so all you can do is damage control now I guess. Don’t necessarily go through the hassle of changing dresses based on his first impression. Things look a lot different all gussied up.
Post # 5
I absolutely love that dress! It looks so romantic and feminine and flowy and sparkly– sounds perfect for an August wedding. Can you share with us the designer and style number? I may need to check this dress out myself! 🙂
I definitely think you set yourself up here to be disappointed in your FI’s reaction. Having him look at 50 dresses I’m sure was overkill to his male brain- it’s really hard to differentiate between all these dresses when most of them just look like a white blur to most men. I showed my FI tons of dresses, and he kept asking me ‘what are all these CRINKLES??’ (ruching) and saying ‘that looks just like the net curtains at my mom’s house’ (any lace dress or dress with embroidered tulle). I ended up buying a ‘net curtain’ dress, but I’m sure he’ll think I look gorgeous. 🙂
There are just differences in the way we describe things. For example, my brother would be really disappointed to know that I think his car is ‘so feminine and curvy’ when he thinks he has a ‘hot and sexy’ sports car. Ha!
Post # 6
I think your dress is beautiful! Guys don’t always know what they’re saying especially in dresses. The way the dress looks in the picture isn’t necessarily how it will look on you. And whatever dress he thought he liked… what if that doesn’t look good on you? Do you love the dress? If you do, keep it. He will love you in it. Maybe tell him, your final decision is a secret. That way he won’t know if you’ll be showing up in that dress or another.
If you don’t like the dress anymore, it’s worth it to see what can be done. If you can swing buying a new dress, the dress wasn’t that expensive to begin with, etc., why not invest more to feel really better on your wedding day? It’s your decision.
But I have to say again, I really do like the dress, and think it’s great for summer.
Post # 7
I think that dress is gorgeous!! Keep in mind that he didn’t see the dress on you and possibly was just looking for comments to make about the dresses you were showing him.
I don’t think it looks like a nightgown. However, this does serve as a gentle reminder to other bees that you might set yourself up in an uncomfortable situation if you show your fiance pics of the dress prior to the big day.
Post # 8
Awww, the dress is so beautiful. (and I really do mean it!) Don’t worry about his male comment when he saw the dress on a random, uninspiring model. Instead, focus on how your mother looked at you during dress shopping. That special look he’ll give you on the big day has nothing to do with a piece of clothing— it’s more likely a culmination of you being at your most gorgeous and the gravity of the day. Still, whatever you decide has to be right for you— if the budget permits and you’re dead-set against the dress, do what makes you happy. Just remember your day won’t be defined by a garment! 🙂
Post # 9
That dress is beautiful!!! Am sure you will look amazing! Go with your first hunch.. you tried it on and obviously felt amazing in it so much so you bought it! It will be great and he’ll think you look fantastic. I say after the wedding is over show him what a real nightgown look like … lol lol
Post # 10
Oh, it’s gorgeous! I’m sorry you ended up in this situation, but if I were you I would just stick with the dress and turn this whole fiasco into a cute story for the kids. Like jhphi said, sometimes men can’t appreciate the finer details of gown design; all that matters to him is that you’re the one wearing it!
It’s absolutely stunning. Who designed it?
Post # 11
I think he was just trying to say something interesting as a reaction for you. He couldn’t figure out which one was yours, and so when you gave him a bunch of dresses you told him weren’t yours, he tried to come up with an appropriate response that showed he knew they were not good enough for you and that’s why you didn’t pick them. Except that one of them was your dress! Open mouth, insert foot. Except he couldn’t have known.
Don’t worry, your fiance is going to love you in your dress. Keep the one you have and the one you love. It’s all going to be fine.
Post # 12
I agree with the above comments. Guys will make such off-hand comments about clothes because they really have no idea what to say.
Like you, I showed my fiance a collection of dresses that happened to have mine in it. He liked them all, but when we got to mine he said he thought the train was too outlandish. Well, the train is outlandish, but it works on me and I’m 100% confident that he’s going to love it when he sees it on me.
Trust you instincts and stick with you plan. Brush off the comment and know he’s going to love your dress because you wouldn’t have picked it unless it looks fabulous on you!
Post # 13
I agree…in a guy’s world, saying something looks like a nightgown might not even be a negative thing. And when you have it on, I’m sure it’ll be totally different for him. Keep in mind, now that he knows he probably feels terrible also.
You will look lovely, and if you had such a strong reaction, I wouldn’t change it. Also, b/c the dress is goh-geous. But if it’s really important to you that he not have seen it (which I’m guessing it’s not since you were willing to "show" it to him with others), then maybe reconsider a new one. Otherwise, unless he’s like a total fashionista he probably doesn’t even have the faintest sense of how it will look in person. Seriously, my FI totally wanted to shop with me (I have no idea why, he *hates* shopping)…and I indulged him at one store (knowing I wouldn’t get anything). He had absolutely no sense of what would look good on me based on how it looked on the hanger or in pictures etc.
Post # 14
It is a beautiful dress.
And as others have said, a nightgown in a man’s world is not a bad thing. He’ll probably want to punch every man that looks twice at you at the wedding, which could get his testosterone flowing, which is a good thing.
Men have the memory of cows while women have the memory of elephants. A year from now, he is not going to have a clue that was even the same dress he saw. First, it will be on you at your wedding and he is going to be out of his mind happy. Plus, you will have touches of personal accessories that will make it very YOU.
Post # 15
It’s a beautiful dress.
I made the mistake of showing my fiance before I bought the dress. We were flipping through a ton of pics and when I got to mine, he didn’t realize it and said it looked horrible. I started bawling and then he tried to retract the statement, but the damage was done. I hadn’t bought the dress yet, so i was able to pick something else out. I refuse to show him this one.
Post # 16
Thank you SO much to everyone who has replied to my post!!
I will take everyone’s suggestions into consideration – I feel MUCH better about the situation now! ^_^
The designer is Demetrios Style 9705 – this is the link to the page: http://www.demetriosbride.com/us/index.php?page=collection_princess&styleID=2301