- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
I decided not to go anon for this b/c I figured someone would figure out who I was given the details.
Bees, I snooped in DH’s email…I had done this when we first got together and found things but they weren’t worth ending a relationship over b/c most had happened before us. I’ve always believed in total honesty and told him many things I’ve never told anyone. I figured he’d do the same. I asked if he’d ever cheated on a gf and he said no, all the while knowing that I had more than once many years ago. We even had a talk the other night about communicating more and I told him I’d never judge him for anything he did in his past (he tries to play the shy, good guy role) but I always had suspicions…and I found the truth.
I’ll try to break it down into incidents from the emails I found….
Incident #1) I moved in with DH and the first weekend we were living together he claimed he had to go a happy hour for work. He went and came home. Told me they were going to dinner and that he came back just to let me know. He stayed out til 3 am. Told for a long time it was just coworkers.
I found out AFTER we were married (I asked again, he told me) that a coworker was trying to hook him up with his niece. I remembered seeing the emails back and forth between the 2 of them a long time ago…and it was clearly him making plans with another woman and her friends (that he didn’t know) to go out drinking and clubbing. I told him to read me the emails. He read them out loud and said “yep, you’re right, it seems like I was trying to hook up with her but she went home with some guy from the club and I’m sorry for doing that to you.” I just saw the emails and not only was he planning to go out that night with her but he offered to take her sightseeing.
Incident #2) This is the one that makes me sick to my stomach…DH dated a girl in HS (first love) and they dated 7 years. She was average looking, super smart, but wanted to settle down and he didn’t…he dumped her. He dated around quite a bit. She started dating her now-hubby a month after the breakup. He got serious with his latest ex-gf but they fought a lot and broke up all the time.
DH and his first ex both work as government contractors (she actually got him his first real job)…I’m guessing they had contact b/c of that. Well, 5 years ago, there are emails that the 2 of them had been hooking up for a period over 6 months. Both were in relationships. The emails detailed them meeting just for lunch, some times for dinner or drinks.
Then I guess they got sloppy and the emails go into how they were planning OOT trips for “work” so they could hook up and whether they should stay at his place or get a hotel. There were several of these emails…sometimes they met a couple of times a week. He even mentioned taking her out and buying her sex toys. All the while, he’s emailing his gf too.
When I first met DH, we were friends…he showed me LOTS of pics of his exes. Specifically the first one…said she called him a couple of years before that and was having “cold feet” and wanted to know if they had a chance. He told her no and said they still send Happy Bday emails every year. The last email between them was before he moved overseas (before I met him) and she was trying to meet him again for dinner. She was married at this point. IDK if they did or not. He’s not received any more emails from her…that I know of.
Like I said, I snooped before but it was in his main email acct. He is aware of this and said “if you want to read lovey emails from ex, go ahead, I have nothing to hide.” He has a couple of email addresses and the emails I found from his first ex were in another one. He told me it was just for spam only. He consolidated all his email addresses into one new address recently and all the old ones got transferred into it which is the only reason I found them.
I’m literally sick to my stomach. He cheated…on his ex with an ex. He lied to me about it. She cheated on her fiance with him. I had found sex tapes of her/him when we were doing a data consolidation of our hard drives a couple of years ago. I asked why he kept them (they’d broken up 10 years prior), it took him until we were almost married to delete them…he still has photos/videos of her that are NOT x-rated b/c I told him he could keep them since they meant a lot to him and his past. Now I want them all gone. I even mentioned I could see her and I as friends one day if we moved back to his hometown.
It also doesn’t help that FIL has a job at the same company as the first ex. He’s mentioned it to DH and said he talks to her sometimes. Now I wonder if DH is IM her at work since they essentially could b/c of their jobs….he IMs his dad all day every day.
IDK how to approach this…I’m making copies of the emails for myself in case when I go to confront him he decides to delete them before we can talk about it.