Post # 1
I’m sick of hurt people hurting people. I know that it’s amazing that I’m trusted enough to be told all these things, but then I feel a moral obligation to help people get over their problems (like prevent them from getting arrested, from making a bad decision, etc).
But I can’t handle being constantly hurt by the people I love with my whole heart. I know that relationships need to be give and take, but I keep finding that I love someone so much, I’m unwilling to let them go even when it will benefit me. I’d like to think it’s because I just have a big heart, but I’m sure part of the problem is I’m just dumb sometimes. How is it so hard for me to stop being such an emotionally attached person when I’m being trampled on?
Ok, so I posted on here the other day about cousin that’s hurting, etc. I’ve not said anything to her since finding out from her roommate why she refuses to talk to people (basically she’s getting herself in trouble and doesn’t want family to know so she’s pretending they don’t exist…including me). I texted her this afternoon saying “I know you are hurting but I want you to know I love you tremendously. You are my sister and I will always love you.” She texted me back saying, “you can stop assuming things at any time. Thanks.” When I told her that I just love and miss her she said, “because I chose not to allow the people to know what goes on in my life.” I tried telling her that I understand family, but me? I won’t judge her.
Ladies, I’m hurting so bad. I almost made myself sick from shaking and tears earlier. All I want to do is hold her and cry with her. I want to be the person she trusts in all of this. But instead she wants to have a baby at 19 with her abusive boyfriend. She has no money, nothing. And I can’t sit around waiting for her to get arrested.
God, I sound like an overdramatic crazy person!
Post # 3
For your health you need to back away honey. You are talking about functioning adults, however hurt/confused/etc they might be. They have to make their own choices, including mistakes. You’re harming yourself.
Post # 4
no you dont. I went through a very similar situation with my older sister. even if she doent want to talk to anyone, or accept help from anyone,you have told her that you were there to help. you have reached out to her and unfortantaly that is about all that you can do. Its so hard to sit back and watch someone you care about hit rock bottom. It took almost 2 years for my sister to reach out to me(she called me to bail her out of jail on my 17th birthday).
for me it was better not knowing, she didnt want to talk to me anyways, so i hate to say it and some might think i am an aweful person but in my situation no news was good news.
if trying to reach out to her is pushing her further away that is not good either. i am so sorry you are feeling this way
Post # 5
@SweetRose2011: I know how you feel, my sister was in a situation, but now she has come around. She still finds more comfort in friends than her own family which constantly feels like a slap in the face. It makes you feel like you don’t have any idea what you’re talking about and that you’re useless to them. My sister won’t tell us anything because we hear the full story, where as her friends don’t know the entire story of course they’re going to side with her about this asshat who attacked me, smacked his oldest daughter so hard he left a big bruise on her and yet got away with it cause Florida’s got the worst social workers ever, and has neglected his youngest daughter at times.
All you can do is let them know that you are there for them no matter how bad things may get, and someday when they feel the need to come for you for love and support they are always welcomed. When you push hard for a response, you may be only pushing them further away. Just breath, and say a prayer for her and be there when the day comes, because it will someday. She will see, and if not…it really is her loss because it sounds like she has a great person waiting for her, to comfort and offer words of wisdom.
Post # 6
@Silentlove: @mattsgirl813: Thank you both for your kind words. It’s hard sometimes because I know what kind of person she was. I know that she has so much potential and I see the best in her, when she can only see the worst. I’ve known for a long time that her self esteem has been in the gutter, but I’ve always tried to build her up, not tear her down because of her sensitivity.
You are both right though, I’m pushing her away by talking to her. It’s better if I pretend I don’t know things and move on. I just worry about her safety with such a scummy guy.
Post # 7
@SweetRose2011: Does her roommate seem to show a lot of concern? If so, she could be the voice of reason, and I’d imagine she would contact you if anything were to happen.
Post # 8
@Silentlove:she was the person who contacted me. This is how all of this happened in the first place. My cousin was born and raised in IN, moved to IL for a semester of high school after she got kicked out of her parents house. My parents took her in, paid for her to go private school and everything. My mom drove her crazy so she moved back to IN to take her sr year of high school. She was dating a boy back here though during that time so afterwards moved back into her then-boyfriends sisters house. They broke up, sister hated her new boyfriend, asked her to leave.
Her new roommate and I were friends in hs but things went sour shortly after. She emailed me the other day saying that at first she though maybe my concerns were silly but lately things have been going on with her personality that she’s worried I should know about. So she told me all of the trouble she’s getting into. It totally explains why she’s been pushing the family away (because if they found out any of it they would be sticking their freaking noses into it).
Post # 9
@SweetRose2011 You’re not over dramatic at all! Believe me… my mom started a home for women/young women and it’s so apparent that so many people are so broken. It’s terrible! We’ve had many girls come only to decided to leave b/c they didn’t want to change or have anything better b/c it took work. It’s so hard to see people hurt themselves ESPECIALLY after learning how Jesus frees and how He restores the broken heart! I’ve seen it with them, I’ve seen it with family (especially DH family), and I see it with my son’s father…. I had to just tell myself “They need Jesus”.. over and over and over… I began praying for them more… straight scripture, claiming what is not as though it is! and again… “They need Jesus” <— really helped as trival as it seems.. it went from my head to my heart one day and I stopped getting my heart hurt from their hurt and disfunction and felt a peace in my heart that our Lord has the power to heal them and that as I believe it He will invade their hearts and have that healing manifested.
We’re made to have that desire for the broken… compassion for those seeking out all the wrong things.. and just pray pray pray that God Himself meets them right where they are, that they have a Paul kinda face to face meeting with the Lover of their soul, and that they are healed to walk out the plan that our Awesome God has for them! <3