Post # 1
A little background:
My DH has know this friend since they were in diapers. We will call this friend “A”. Well A has a cousin (we will call her “B”) and no one cares for B. She doesn’t dress appropriate and always always used to hit on DH’s brother some years ago. They used to make fun of her and tease her behind her back.
Anyways A spent the night at our house and in the morning I was not in a happy mood. DH kept teasing me infront of A about my mood swings lately. DH, A, and I got in the car with our huge dog. DH made A sit in the back seat with our dog. This was the convo between me and A:
Me: Sorry you have to sit back there with him.
A: It’s okay I’ve sat in the backseat with worse.
Me: Who B?
A: Well that was f*cked up.
Me: Well I thought no one liked her. DH talks nasty about her all the time.
A: Oh really? Inlighten me.
Me: Oh well maybe it was his friend but he went a long with it.
A: (Silent the whole car ride home.)
Me: I’m really sorry. I put my foot in my mouth.
A got out of the car and walked away. Hasn’t talked to DH since. I feel terrible. I had no right to say what I said. Honestly I thought he use to talk about her too but I was soooooo wrong. I don’t want DH to loose this friend. I don’t know what to do. I told DH to send me his number so I can call or text him to apologize. What do I say? What can I do? I feel realllllll shittttayyyyyy.
Post # 3
Yikes…. I think you need apologize again both to you DH’s friend and your DH. Not sure what else you can do.
Post # 4
@figgnewton: *HUGS* I really have no idea as to what you can say/do. I know it’s easy to let things slip out when we’re in a bad mood/not feeling our best, but this may just be one of those life lessons about badmouthing someone behind their back. I’m not sure how A might take an appology after what you said, maybe ask your DH about it because he’d know him better, and then go from there. Best of luck!
Post # 5
I would just apologize again and maybe your DH could do damage control. Sorry 🙁
Post # 6
Damn. That sucks. I have no idea what you can do, but I have also put my foot in my mouth. It sucks! But time heals all wounds…
Post # 7
Ugh. It was a big lesson learned. Honestly didn’t even think before I spoke. I really hope A forgives me and still talks to DH. I feel like such a b*tch. ): It’s been bugging me all weekend.
Post # 8
Don’t be too hard on yourself, we all slip up from time to time, it’s how we act AFTER we hurt someone that counts.
…you must have been in such a BAD mood right then….that one little slip of the lips has literally earned you a three way apology, where not only do you apologize to A for bad mouthing his cousin AND putting him in an awkward spot, you also owe your husband a mea culpa and might want to do a little damage control with B, dislike her all you want…talking badly about her behind her back and poking fun at her antics is the stuff of school girls and bullies and is so unbecoming a lady….I’m sure you are such a lovlier person than that.
Do not text A, you need to call him and apologize, let him know you are so sorry, that what you said was uncalled for and you plan to turn over a new leaf with B.
You certainly do not have to be best friends with her, but you at least owe her a second chance if she’s part of your social group, try meeting up for coffee or something small and see if you two can at least find a way to be civil, if she’s not that big of a part of your group, be sure to include her the next time you have a party or gathering, A will appreciate it.
And from now on, just remind yourself how very awful you feel, so that the next time you are tempted to have fun at someone else’s expense, recall how difficult it is to recify saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Post # 9
You put your foot in it.
BUT… I never approve of making fun of people you know behind their back. When DH did that, it was wrong. If DH is going to make fun of B behind her back, then sooner or later it was going to come out. DH had it coming.
DH needs to apologise to A as well. And possibly also to B.
Post # 10
Wow sounds like you and your friends are not very nice. Especially since you don’t seem sorry at all for talking nasty about someone but just that you got caught.
Personally I think you should apologise to A and to B. A has probably already told B that you and your friends talk smack about her, especially about such a petty thing as her appearance and hitting on someone (I mean haven’t most of us hit on someone at sometime in our life?).
He probably is also wondering what you all say behind his back.
How would you feel if you found out people were talking like this about you especially when the things they are picking on are quite juvenile? You wouldn’t like it much would you? it would make you feel bad about yourself?
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
You definitely need to call A and apologize again, but you reallly just have to let it blow over. You should try not to bad mouth anyone in the future because you never know how it will be received
Post # 12
I dont bad mouth her. I never have. It’s been DH. I don’t even know her. I apologized. hopefully it will blow over. I’m not sorry I got caught I’m sorry I hurt his feelings.
Post # 13
@figgnewton: Implying that riding next to B would be worse than your dog is definitely badmouthing her and so was the “Well I thought no one liked her” comment. Both of those would be extremely hurtful comments if you said them to her face, and I know this from experience because I’ve had people say similar things to me and behind my back. However, I also was in grade school and high school when most of those comments were made. Has it not occurred to all of you how childish it is to talk about people this way? It’s a form of bullying. I was a victim of bullying my entire childhood and it hurts, but never so much as when it comes from people who you THOUGHT (key emphasis on “thought”) were your friends! If B doesn’t dress appropriately, maybe someone should give her some discreet advice on that matter and help her get better outfits instead of making fun of her behind her back. A REAL friend would do that, but B doesn’t seem to have any, at least not in this situation. My heart really goes out to B.
Post # 14
I would be so pissed at you if I was your partner! Conversations between couples are private and should be treated as such. You didn’t embarrass yourself, you embarrassed him and made him look like a total a hole
Post # 15
I am confused by the title. Putting your foot in your mouth generally means a situation like telling your female friend you think yellow gold jewelry is tacky and only after saying it do you realize she’s wearing some. Or asking a woman when she’s due and discovering she’s not pregnant. Awkward and hurtful yes. Intentional, no. Telling someone, you know we all hate your cousin and talk shit about her and your best friend is frequently the ringleader is not the same thing at all. I can’t believe it came as a surprise to you that A didnt really appreciate his friends treating his cousin that way.
there’s nothing you can do. Your husband owes A and B an apology. This friendship may not be fixable depending on how close A is to B.
Post # 16
Not to mention broke his trust. There are lots of things I say to my FI that I don’t intend to ever be repeated. I would be extremely angry if I was in his shoes. You owe him an apology and space to forgive and trust you again in his own time.
What you said, regardless of whatever mood you use to justify it was plain mean. It says more about you than the girl you were talking smack about. Why you would ever think it would be okay to say such a thing to a relative of hers is beyond me.