(Closed) I suddenly feel guilty

posted 9 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If it is really uneven, just have the ushers ask if people from your side have a preference to which side they sit on.  Lots of times there will be friends and family that don’t care as much, and they can seat them on the Groom’s side to even things out. 

For our wedding I’m guessing my side will be fuller, but that’s because I just have a bigger family than he does.  

Post # 4
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

oh i feel your pain!!  my parents (really my mom) have a ton of brothers/sisters.  My mom has 9 siblings and yes, she is requiring we invite them all and their spouses and kids.  add to that the fact that my list of friends was already a tad longer, i’m having major guilt issues!  we aren’t going to have ushers, and since it is outside and there will only be enough seats set up for the # of guests attending.  so there will be no side, as it would be silly to put 20 seats on one side and 50 on the other!   is it possible to do something similar at your venue?  if it’s a small wedding in a bigger venue, maybe block off the rows after what you would need to evenly sit people on both sides, and encourage people to sit by new people and to make new friends?  then the rows are evenly full.  if anyone asks, you can say something about how there is no his side and hers side – everyone is there as guests of the couple and you’d like them all to stand equally as witnesses or something.

Post # 5
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I don’t know yet because I haven’t sent invites so don’t have RSVPs yet, but I suspect the wedding is mostly going to be his friends and family. We picked Hawaii because it is (sort of) in the middle of Boston and Sydney and it would be fair to both sides. But Aussies seem to be more into travelling for a wedding. I’m not going to have sides, people can sit whereever, but I am kinda bummed that not a lot of people from the US will make it. I’m jealous you are getting married in Boston!

Post # 6
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

yup…my mom has taken over a majority of the guestlist. My family (from my mom and dads side will makeup ~250 guests) while Fi and I’s guestlist (friends) put together is 100. 10 of those are his family….

I wanted my mom to cut down the guestlist but my FI felt bad, so he allowed her to let it grow into the huuuuge guestlist that it is.

 

and I’m with aloweha, I’m jealous that yours is in boston! 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We’re not going to do "sides" at our wedding because of how uneven the family sides are (my family is about 80 people; his is maybe 12?) and also because a lot of our guests are shared friends.

Is there still a way that you could involve your Fiance’s family in the wedding or honor them somehow? Like what about collecting notes from all of them and puting them together in a book or something so that they’d still be a special part of the day?

Post # 9
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My family count is about 70, and his is roughly 10. Several of the 10 on his list are pretty extended relatives, whereas my list only goes as far as my first cousins’ children. Our invited friends are evenly split, and then there’s a list of mutual friends of about 10 or 15 people. It’s very uneven, but it’s just by the nature of my large family and his tiiiiny family. He has zero first cousins. I have dozens.

Post # 10
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@greencardwedding – I can totally feel your pain.  Both my FI and I are local, but I am definitely the social butterfly of the pair.  I’ve always envisioned a huge 200-300 guest list wedding, but when we started planning and I saw how many people truely were important for him to be there, I had a change of heart.  

Now I’ve chopped the initial guest list to about 100-120 people, and that suits us just fine.  🙂

I think in your case, the continental travel barriers give you the get out of jail free card for your wedding.  No one can help that his friends and family are so far away.  Travel is expensive!  Maybe you two can have a second reception in Austrailia? 

Post # 11
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Is there a way you could surprise your FH with a video montage of his guests who can’t make it sending him a special message? Or even recorded phone messages that could be played over a song special to him? If you’re having a DJ, maybe he and the best man could work together and make this happen? This was something that our DJ suggested to us, since we’re getting married in the winter and we’re not sure that all of our relatives will want to travel then.

Post # 12
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

Our wedding is going to be incredibly uneven– he has four guests flying over from England, whereas our total invite list is around 150.  Of course we’re not going to have  ‘bride’ and ‘groom’ sides in the church– our ushers will just seat people evenly.  He has a tiny family, and mine is huge, so it just made more sense to have the wedding in the US.  I’m sure your family and friends will go out of their way to make his family feel welcomed and included. 

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have maybe 20 people coming. My FI has over 100. I have a really really teeny family and a lot of them couldn’t afford to fly in. It really sucks because sometimes it feels like a family reunion that I’m hosting (and we are paying for!) but I just remind myself that it’s all about US, not really all of "them", and as long as my FI and I have a great time and our immediate families are there to enjoy it, that’s what matters most. All those other people (family friends, cousins of cousins, etc) are just extras.

Post # 14
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

So far I have 7, he has zero (we’ll go see his mom afterward if she can’t make it) for our small, out of town wedding. It doesn’t seem like much, but when you factor in that only 25 invites are even going out….

Post # 15
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Our wedding was pretty lopsided too since it was in my hometown.  Don’t feel guilty about it, people who can come will, there is nothing you can do about it. As far as the seating, just dont seat according to side.  Everyone sits everywhere except the immediate fam.

Post # 16
Member
36 posts
Newbee

To go with Miss Starlet‘s suggestion..check out <span class=”mark”>Skype to see what options they have. If they don’t have a way to save/record the phone call, try recording the computer monitor yourself with your own home camera and you can play that at the wedding. 

Or see if someone has a laptop with a wireless card and set up a <span class=”mark”>webcam and broadcast the wedding so people overseas can watch it while its happening (depending on time zones) or they can play the video when they wake up. 

Also check out <span class=”mark”>freeconferencecall.com.  I never had to use their international site, but I had used them in the past for work functions.  You get a number and password that you can share with everyone and you can save the phone call.  See if you can upload the message and have a recording of <span class=”unmark”>everyone voice.

 

<span class=”unmark”>Don’t worry about the <span class=”unmark”>unevenness..at ours I will have 2 family <span class=”unmark”>members and the other 18 people will be his family!

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