- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
I see a lot of Bees asking for advice on a plethora of topics across the boards, and many times, when it advice is about FH, I suggest premarital counseling. Here are a few reasons why:
1. It’s not just about discussing topics like kids, money, and in-laws. You can (and should) do that on your own as a couple, even before the engagement. It’s about learning how to communicate when things get rough.
2. If you never fight now, great! (FH and I went to our first counseling session never having had a fight) The truth is, eventually you WILL have a fight . (We did!) Counseling can teach you how to fight. It isn’t as easy as you think and fighting in a productive way makes all the difference. (and the make-up sex is great!)
3. An unbiased third party can point things out that you two don’t see, and they can do it without hurting your feelings.
Example: I am a jealous person when it comes to FH. When he spends time talking to, texting or hanging out with other females, I get insanely jealous. I tried expressing my jealousy to FH, and his feelings were hurt because he thought I didn’t trust him. I wasn’t worried he would cheat on me or do anything inapropriate, but I couldn’t quite articulate why I was so jealous. Then, in our final premarital session, it clicked. My therapist asked the right questions and I got it. I work out of town all week and I only get 3 days a week with him, and it was the attention and time other females got to spend with him that made me jealous. Really, all I wanted, was more texts, phone calls, and one-on-one date nights. Problem solved before it was even a problem. I can only imagine how much we would have used our “fighting skills” had we let the issue fester and blow up.
My insurance covered the sessions (I just had a copay) and if you are still students, many colleges offer free counseling as well.
If you haven’t thought about it, I strongly encourage you to do it, even if your relationship is seemingly perfect. (I would have considered ours near perfect before, but it’s even closer now!)