I swore we wouldn't register- but mom keeps pushing!

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: What should I do?
    Backpedal on this whole shower thing- just don't have one. : (2 votes)
    7 %
    Figure out a way for SIL to organize a giftless shower (and what the heck would we call it?) : (6 votes)
    20 %
    Other (tell me your wonderful idea!) : (2 votes)
    7 %
    Register for only the stuff you need/want ($$$) : (20 votes)
    67 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3084 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @gingerkitten:  I would just have the shower. People want to give it to you, your relatives are asking about it and seem to want to have it and to give you something. I would do it and just register for the stuff you need/want. If people want to buy it for you, they will, and if they don’t, they won’t. A registry is helpful for the people who want to buy you gifts because it gives an idea as to what you want. It’s not really gift-grabby.

    Post # 4
    Member
    871 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @gingerkitten:  People can always go in together on things so I would just register for what you need. You don’t even have to adverstise to guests you registered, you can just have your ILs and mother let people know if they ask. If they are asking about a registry they are going to buy you something anyway and this is just a helpful way to let them know what you want. Is there anything you need for your honeymoon that may be cheaper? I have heard of people putting like sun tan lotion, beach towels, coolers, ect. if its a beach vacation and stuff to supplement kitchen gadgets and things like that are usually pretty cheap

    Post # 5
    Member
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I would do the registry. Not all of our family is able to come to our wedding, but many were still able to make it to the shower and wanted to give a gift. Also, do you have any coworkers that will be giving you guys gifts? We have showers at my work and although most people aren’t attending the person’s wedding, the coworkers still get a joint gift (and sometimes individual ones). I think its better to be safe than sorry – people will buy you gifts either way, so at least you an ensure its stuff you like/need.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    295 posts
    Helper bee

    I made sure that most people know that me and my SO would not be registry when we decide to do things. Instead I was thinking about if the guest wanted to give a gift that they make it a donation to one the charities that we support (ex: boy scouts, spray & neutering, scholarships).

    Post # 8
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I feel your pain, although I have different circumstances. We are having a local wedding and all of the guests are local except for one of my BFF’s who lives 1 1/2 away and my other BFF who lives 7 hours away. They’re hosting a non-shower at a craft studio where guests will make me something (it’s a suprise). Since our wedding is small I thought I was in the free and clear from having to register, but finally gave in and did a small registry and only mention it if asked point blank since I got tired of telling people we don’t need anything and didn’t want people to think by not registering we were asking for cash. We only put practical things, new sheets, because eventually you’ll use them even if the sheets you have now are nice they’ll wear out, same with bath towels and kitchen towels. I added solar lights for the garden, and a new set of drill bits. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    871 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @gingerkitten:  Awesome! surely! Firstly if you dont have a camera regsiter for one! This does NOT have to be super expensive. Target has a 100 nikon waterproof shockproof camera and at that price one or two people can get that pretty easily if they are more established family members. Next if you do have a camera any accessories for that (or the one you just registered for) like extra charger or batteries, attachable lens if you really like pictures, ect. (Websites like best uy have good suggestions on these things). Any suitcase type things you need that may be smaller like a nice toiletry bag that hangs in the bathroom of the hotel. Hotels in italy are often smaller than a US standard so you wont be guarenteed the counter space and a hanging toilitry bag can be about $25-30. Backpacks for both of you that are lightweight and have a place for water for sightseeing days are nice because you can carry food water your camera a map ect without the fear of your purse being stolen off of your shoulder. Any plane items that you may need like a neck pillow BOOKS! If you enjoy reading. you could also look into the price of a nook/kindle as some of the older generations have really gone down in price. A travel size umbrella and anything you may need that comes in “travel size” that would help with packing everything for a big trip. If you guys plan ok travelling again these items really go the distance in terms of calue. An amazon registry may be your best bet as they have a huge range of items like this! Good luck’!! 

    Post # 10
    Member
    871 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @gingerkitten:  also an italian to enlish quick translating guide or any travel tip books on the areas  you will be in! (And sorry for the typos I am clearly more tired that I thought! ) 

    Post # 11
    Member
    5199 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I had the same situation.  I obsessively didn’t want people to think that I was gift grabby since I was having a destination wedding.  My mom and sister ended up pretty much freaking out at me about it because I wouldn’t have a registry for my shower.  I tried to convince them that we should just have a “bridal luncheon” or something, so we could do all the shower things without the gifts.  At the end of the day I gave in and created a very small registry.

     

    You know what?  It was fine.  Most of the people who bought off the registry were my parents friends who would have bought me something anyway.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    1403 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I was in a similar boat myself.   My mother and aunt would not let up about a shower and I did not want to have one.  I finally caved because I was getting really annoyed and my aunt was acting insulted.  Normally I would hold my ground over this kind of thing but they wore me down.

    You want me to register?  Fine – I’ll register for what I really want – which happened to be some REALLY nice stuff.  I thought I would get crap from them since I was registering for expensive things but I’ve been watching my registry and people are buying a lot of my stuff.   It’s actually really fun.   I never believed that people wanted to buy you stuff for a wedding – that it was just out of obligation.   Well obligation or not…people seem to really do want to buy us stuff as brides.  Just cash in and enjoy the ride.  Fighting it will only lead to frustration and even potential regret.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1179 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Register for what you want/need. You may be surprised by what some people are willing to give.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2100 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Register and have a shower. You asked for NOTHING. The point of shower is to literally shower you with gifts. If someone wants to do that for you, why are you trying to stop it? Because you chose a DW and people are coming? People WANT to love and support your special time!  You haven’t solicited a thing…you’re in good shape! 

     

    Just pick one place and put a few things on there. Easy peasy. 

    For the record, we too are having a DW wedding…just us! No guests. My very good friend and Godmother were so excited to plan fun times for me. They are just so happy and joyful for me…it’s really touching! So I’m having a gf shower and a family shower. They aren’t until September and people are already buying stuff off the registry. I have started crying due to the nature of their generosity. 

    Soak it in and allow yourself a little spoiling. So many people on WB would like to be in our shoes….some don’t have best friends or aunts or parents who want to do fun stuff for them. Enjoy where you are planted. 🙂

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    2395 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    You don’t have to register to have a shower, people!  I had 2 showers and didn’t register at all.  

    I realize it may be a novel idea, but here goes – people are allowed to CHOOSE THEIR OWN GIFT TO GIVE YOU.  I know, shocking but true.  Adults can actually go and choose a gift that they hope you will like.  And you will be gracious and like it because that’s what other adults do when they receive gifts.  

    If you wanted to, you could suggest that your SIL throw some kind of “theme” shower like stock-the-bar or something.  My co-workers threw us a wine shower and it was awesome!  We came home with a dozen new bottles of wine.

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