Post # 1
I’ve been meaning to post about this for awhile. Before I was even engaged, I posed a question to my FB friends about whether they would attend a child-free wedding and I received the normal expected replies. But a few people reacted with a response that stood out to me: “absolutely not, I take my kids everywhere! My wonderful children are apart of me and if they aren’t welcome, then I’m not going.”
One such responder was my aunt who has 4 children under age 6. (Irish twins and real twins). I couldn’t help but assume that she was being a sanctimommy and telling a boldfaced lie. I was thinking, are you trying to say you took all 4 of your kids to your company Christmas party? Or your cousin’s bachelorette outing? Or on your anniversary trip? Do you take them with you to the spa when you get a facial?
The general question of this thread is: Since it’s understood that certain settings in life are not appropriate for children, why do some parents seem so loathe to acknowledge this when it comes to weddings? Why is it such a ghastly idea to ask someone not to bring their children to a wedding when they have no problem leaving them at home for other events?
Post # 3
I think it’s false for most people. But I do think there are really, truly people for whom that is true. Especially if she has that many young ones.
Do you know she went to all/any of your “examples.” She may not go to the spa/gym, have company Christmas parties/attend friends’ events. It wouldn’t be what I would choose, but at the same time, she has a right to feel that way (although she should, were she to get an adults-only invite, decline gracefully without reason.) I would say grocery store/staple shopping trips and other errands would be the exception here, because they are relatively quick. A 5- or 6-hour event like a wedding is a different ball game.
Post # 4
@Overjoyed: I think they are probably seeing the wedding as a family party. They are your family, you are having a party, therefore it’s a family party and their children are their family.
I don’t agree with it, I’m just saying that’s one possibility. I absolutely think if you want to have an adults only wedding, you are perfectly entitled to do so.
Post # 5
I think the people who get upset either don’t have a reliable trustworthy babysitter, don’t want to pay a babysitter or are from out of town. I wouldn’t easily leave my daughter at home (with a relative) to go out of town to a wedding unless it was an immediate family member or best friend.
Post # 6
Some people are crazy. <—- most constructive response ever
Post # 7
[comment moderated for trolling]
Post # 8
Definitely a blatant lie, and frankly if it’s true for anyone then that person has some serious attachment issues!
Post # 9
She is clearly a helicopter parent and needs to reclaim her own identity. She is more than the products of her uterus. I hate parents that can’t seem to step away from their children – independence is important for EVERYONE, children especially.
Post # 10
I don’t get those types at all but I can’t judge since I’m not a parent. I do think that alone time without children is absolutely essential for any parent for their sanity and for their marriage/relationship. I know for me personally, I’ll be able to be a better mother if I have time away.
Post # 11
@zoberger: Irish twins are siblings less than a year apart in age. Irish because of the whole Catholic = no birth control thing.
Post # 12
@zoberger: Irish twins are just two siblings born really close together (i.e. my step-dad and his sister are only 10 months apart, thus Irish twins).
Oops! Posting at the same time as Crayfish!
Post # 13
@zoberger: Irish twins is slang for sibling born within the same year, but not actually twins.
EDIT: Oops, too many responses!!
Post # 14
@Overjoyed: I have friends that don’t do ANYTHING without their children. This means, if it’s a place where the kids can’t go, they simply don’t go. Personally I think it’s unhealthy do be that way. Becoming a parent doesn’t mean you stop being an adult that also needs to properly socialize with other adults. yes things change when you become a parent. Your children become the focus. But I know for FI and I, it’s still important to maintain healthy friendships and relationships with other adults. Sometimes that includes activities or events that don’t involve children. It’s a personal choice though, so send invites and let the chips fall where they may.
Post # 15
@Overjoyed: I don’t have kids yet. But I will be that mom who takes my kids everywhere, within reason. The examples you mentioned wouldn’t work because kids aren’t allowed to be there, nor would it be fun for them. I guess I think of weddings as family affairs as opposed to parties, so I would want to bring my little ones along.
Weddings are already expensive (clothes, gifts, travel, etc.) and being able to save some money on child care is a huge bonus. If my kids weren’t allowed to go, I wouldn’t go. I guess I may get blasted for that, but it’s how I want to run my family unit. Kids grow up soon enough and want nothing to do with their parents as teenagers – I want to take advantage while I’m still cool 😛