I think a bad friendship screwed up my waiting "attitude." *Vent*

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m glad you fee liberated and changed our outlook. However you are an adult at the end of the day your choices are your own, and clearly you two aren’t meant to be friends so good for you for realzing it’s toxic and cutting it out.

 

Post # 4
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yeah, one thing I hated more than anything while I was waiting, was the people who would pull the “well, WHY hasn’t he proposed yet???” deal.  It’s like, they had no idea of his timeline, etc (his reasoning for waiting a year and a half was he wanted to get a better job…pretty good reasoning I think!) and were trying to make me feel insecure about the relationship when in reality I knew there was absolutely nothing wrong.

You’re absolutely doing the right thing in not replying back to her e-mails.

Post # 7
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@FutureMrsM87:  Exactly!  Speaking of Thanksgiving, my FI had the ring with him when we visited my family at Thanksgiving last year… He ended up not proposing until a couple of weeks later.  D’oh! 😉

Post # 9
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@FutureMrsM87:  I think you should cut this girl out again. She will probably be toxic and affect you negatively when you’re planning your wedding. Goes to show you that in the end, you know your SO and your relationship best. Don’t let other ppl mess with your head!

Post # 11
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@FutureMrsM87:  First of all, CONGRATS bee!!  You will be off the list soon haha!  

Negativitiy is really contagious.  Ex:  My BFF went through a break up about 2 months ago.  But before the breakup was official, she went on for two months with the complaining, the badmouthing of this guy, the facebook stalking, the showing up where he was/OMG it was insane.  And I found myself becoming negative and finding things to complain about my SO too…waiting having been one of them because quite honestly, it’s the only problem we have in our relatinship at this point.

 

It’s important to not let your friend’s issues get in your head.  Try to put up a mental stop sign if there are complaints again, like ‘your problems are your problems and not mine’.  

 

I will say this in defense of your married friend:  If she was having trouble in her marriage, it’s possible that EVERY thing she would chat about would be negative and abrasive and not just your waiting situation.  Wonder if her forcing her to DH to propose and now she’s unhappy and her relaying this to you was her trying to just give you a warning while having a conversation and maybe it was taken more personal on your part than it was meant to.  One more thing:  Couple of months ago I was out with a friend who just couldn’t SHUT UP about her happy marriage, I was having a bad waiting day, and her conversation really made me jealous, bitter, etc.  A month after that convo she announced her divorce….and now I just don’t feel so jealous and bitter anymore.  

 

If you continue your friendship with her, try to not take things personal and remember that this woman is negative and good to gossip with about HER issues but not yours.  I’m glad you turned our outlook around, I recently did too and it’s made ALL the difference in my relationship.  Congrats again!

Post # 13
Member
8 posts
Newbee

Wow you and I are twins I went thru the same thing! Good for you it will happen we just have to wait but I’m the same I can’t wait! Ahh 

Post # 14
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

She’s toxic all right. I think we’ve all been there – you love someone, or you’ve invested so much into the friendship that you don’t want it to be “for nothing.” More than that, some of them are very good at being manipulative and know all of the right buttons to push. You’re right that she likely only got back in contact because she wanted to be involved with the wedding, or she wanted to make sure you knew how *great* she is without you.

I went through something similar with a friend. Eventually got back in touch with me – conveniently right before his birthday, and I celebrated with him every year. He must’ve been shocked when I didn’t go, “Oh, it’s all forgiven, let’s be buddies again.” He had to do the same thing – let me know how good he’s been doing.

People like that are usually miserable, and they’re always going to be miserable, and the only way they’re happy is if they can knock down someone they feel is doing “better” than them somehow. They’re on cloud nine when they’re better off than all of their “friends” and absolutely miserable if they think even one other person is doing better than they are.

I’m much happier without that buddy. He too did a number on me – fed into all of my insecurities, would purposely say and do things to stir up conflict between me and other people, etc. I hope you too will find where you need to be now that this psycho’s out of your life.

Post # 16
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@FutureMrsM87:  Good for YOU!! I told my best friend that we went ring shopping (very exciting for me since that part was new and fun) and all she said was “Oh. What’s he waiting for anyway?”

Totally. Deflated.

Then I told my other best friend who is equally excited and its all good now! I am enjoying the waiting part much more now that I decided not to let the negativity get in my head.

Misery loves company and its sounds like that chick was trying to make you miserable since SHE was miserable.

Keep up the positive vibes!

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