- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
Hi, all. I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 31. We’ve been together for 7 years come July. We have lived together for the vast majority of that time. I know, I know, giving the milk for free. I hate that expression, but yes, I’ve been the wife-who’s-not-a-wife.
Three years ago there was a big debacle. I was putting the pressure on him big-time for a ring and marriage. He told me he wasn’t ready because of our finances, but I was the one for him. I was becoming neurotic, obsessed, resentful, the usual. After some soul searching and sage advice, I let it all go. I didn’t set a timetable in my mind because I knew I was not going to leave. I just focused on enjoying our relationship. I conquered my neurosis and have been happy and relaxed. I have not brought up in any shape or form the topic of marriage or engagement in at least 2 years, though his mother decided to tell him to buy me a ring over a very, very awkward dinner in December of last year….yuck. I was mortified, but kept my mouth shut. He’s a quiet guy, and said nothing at that dinner or afterward, either. I regressed back to being internally neurotic for a few days, but, proudly, I didn’t show or tell any of it. Desperation is never good. His mother, thankfully, dropped the topic ( at least in his presence. ) I’ve also been helping his sister plan her wedding for the last six months. I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor. Absolutely no passive aggressiveness or unhappiness or remarks to him have been made by me in regards to her wedding. I’m excited to be her MOH! Maybe, just maybe, her wedding has been prompting him to think.
He has brought up marriage casually here and there, and we talked about the type of wedding we would want, honeymoon, vows, but that was nothing new…until last week. Out of nowhere, before he left for work one morning, he told me to send him an email with my ring size and ring styles I liked. He texted me from work to remind me to send him the email, and it was the first thing he asked about when he got home. Then he told me he wanted to go to the mall this past weekend to pick up handsoap from Bath and Body Works. This man has never, in our entire relationship and possibly never in his life, entered that store. He has told me not to ask for items from them for Christmas because just walking in gives him a headache ( he’s got a sensitive nose.) All of the sudden, he was raving about the handsoap we have had for months. I, of course, thought to myself, ” He wants to look in the jewelry shops but for some reason wants a pretense. ” Once again, kept my mouth shut.
Sure enough, we go to the mall, walk in past a Kay’s Jewelers, and he says, ” While we’re here, let’s go in and look at rings and get your finger sized so we know it for sure. ” We went into Gordon’s and Zale’s as well, all his suggestion. He was also very engaged in the foray into Bath and Body Works, so perhaps he really does love that handsoap!
We get home, and he starts showing me wedding bands online he likes for himself and tells me he wants to make sure our bands match. He grabbed a magazine I had and flipped to the jewelry section and pointed out some rings he liked. He admitted to looking up the 4 C’s and metal types…something I already knew from snooping through the internet history ( I am a sneaky one, lol ). He’s been asking me little questions about metal and carat weight in very general jewelry contexts for the last two months, but I had been trying not to read anything into it. Now I am reading into it!
I have been cool as a cucumber through all of this, and have done nothing beyond saying that I would be happy with any ring he gets and pointing out a few styles in the email and in the stores. Of course, I am quietly becoming a crazy woman again, but just in my head. Ever since the email request a few days ago, he’s been very sweet and *ahem* frisky. What has happened to my “not-ready” man? Could he finally be ready?