Post # 1
its been 14 months and my fiance and i have had a great relationship..no major issues things have been really good…happy! at the moment he is away at work ( contractor) and due home in 6 weeks. we decided to move our date up to end of November. but ummm he calls me the other day to say he want me to allow him a little time to think???? wat does this mean ..is he getti.g cold feet and how do i handle this? should i feel threaten?
Post # 3
@prettyfase: How old are you?
Post # 4
It sounds a little like cold feet, but that is perfectly normal, maybe push the wedding back to the original date for now.
Post # 6
Sometimes, without even realizing it, a person will enter into an engagement because he or she views it to be the next logical stage for the relationship prior to marriage — something to enter into when a couple wants to be more serious than just dating and eventually wants to be married — but the person doesn’t realize that he or she is not actually ready to be married.
This generally isn’t apparent at first, when thoughts of the engagement and a future wedding may lead to great excitement, but, as the wedding date eventually begins to approach, and there is no longer a lengthy buffer period of engagement remaining, feelings of uncertainty and even panic may arise.
I don’t know you or your fiance. However, it’s possible that he may be experiencing something like this. He may not be questioning his love or you or his desire to be with you, but he suddenly may be feeling as if he’s not really ready for marriage. I would encourage you to talk with him about his feelings.
Post # 7
@Brielle: we have spoke about it..he says he loves me he jus feeling unsure of it all and would like if i jus give him a little time to figure things out. i dont want to be pushy so im trying to give hime some time…..
Post # 8
@prettyfase: If he is around your age, then it may be like @Brielle: said. He thinks marriage is the next step, without really understanding what that means. The question you should ask is: Are you questioning marriage in general or are you questioning marrying me? Tell him to be honest, you want to know now rather than later.
If he is questioning marriage in general, have him check out http://conscious-transitions.com/
If he is questioning marrying you, maybe pre-martial counseling will help. I would see if he is willing to take a Gottman Institute class or work with a counselor that is Gottman certified or maybe even do a “book club” just the two of you (reading John Gottman’s books).
Post # 9
@KoiKove: that conscious transitions page is really interesting!! Thanks for sharing. My boyfriend’s grandpa died this weekend and the whole family is kind of shaken, sone of the things on there really put life into perspective 🙂 Thanks so so much!!
Post # 10