Post # 1
Longtime lurker. Actually, I came here when I was engaged several years ago to a different person. That engagement fell through for many reasons, but ultimately it was for the best.
Now I have been seeing the man of my dreams for almost 4 months and he’s been acting very… suspicious. I mean, everything between us has been so easy and comfortable and fun from the very beginning that it is clear to both of us that we’re going to be together for a very very long time. We’re both around 30 years old and neither of us has been married, though as it says above, I was engaged.
He’s been asking about my taste in jewelry, mentions weddings casually a lot and just seems to be poking around to see how I react. He even asked if someone we knew (who recently got married) was expecting a proposal or if it was a surprise. I should’ve let that conversation flow, but I derailed it and now it’s driving me crazy. Am I hallucinating? Is he actually thinking about proposing?
And how should I feel about that? Our four months have been amazing but we’ve also both said that we don’t like long engagements, so this would be a really fast courtship if he is proposing soon.
It’s funny because I know I would say yes, but if I were a friend of mine I would worry about how quickly this is all going down. Surprisingly, all of my friends and family are already asking when’s the wedding because they can see how happy we are and how well we treat each other. His friends/family are doing the same.
So is it possible to just KNOW and run with it? Or at 30 should I be more cautious and responsible?
I kind of want to encourage him, and I kind of want to just let it be and see what happens. I just don’t want to discourage him! I also get the feeling that he really wants to surprise me, so I don’t want to let on that I have suspicions.
Post # 3
I’m 99% not qualified to answer this, but I will anyway.
If you love him and can see yourself with him in 30 years, I say go for it! I met my SO almost 7 years ago and I knew he was the one the day I met him. Sometimes it’s like that. I think as long as you talk about the important stuff like money and whether or not to have kids, it should be OK. I know a couple that met and were engaged after 4 months and are still happily married 4 years later.
Go for it! 🙂 I’m excited for you!
Post # 4
I knew I wanted to marry my Fiance one month into the relationship. Granted, we waiting 4.5 years to get engaged and will have been together 6 years by the time we get married, but we were really young when we met (I was 19, he was 21. Now we’re 25 and 26). I think if we were older when we met, we would have gotten engaged and married within a year of meeting, though. Anyway, my point is, sometimes when you know, you just know.
Post # 5
Thanks for the advice. I don’t have doubts about him, more about the timing. For now, I think maybe he’s just starting to think about these things and may be planning something a few months out. That is my ideal situation. If he’s thinking VERY SOON then we have a mini-problem. I think it’s too soon on paper, but my heart says yes. So I would say yes, but I hope he waits. He’s meeting my father in a few months, so maybe he’ll hold out until after? That would make the timing OK in my book. Anything after the 6 month mark would make it seem less shocking to me. Of course, he is an action oriented guy and when he wants something he steps up and makes it happen.
I guess i have no idea.
Let the madness of waiting begin.
Post # 6
@purpledaisies Thank you! I have several people in my life who got engaged after 3 months and are super-happy years later. I think it’s possible to know early on, but I am a very cautious person generally so I guess this whole adventure is out of character for me. I’m typically uber-practical and not really the swept-off-my-feet type. It’s nice to get a bit of reassurance!
Post # 7
Until I met my fiance, I would have said absolutely not but we both knew we wanted to be together from the first date. I think he was ready to propose at about 4 months but figured I would freak (so he waited 7 months). We have been engaged for 1 1/2 years (wedding date 5/26/13).
Post # 8
In my religion people get married very quickly without knowing each other for years and years. Some of the happiest couples I know only dated for a few months before getting married and are incredibly happily married very many years later. Some are not.
The huge thing is that these couples approach their dating with the mindset that they are “dating for marriage” and therefore really make sure that huge, big things that matter for the future are in line before some other smaller things. So I don’t necessarily think it’s too soon as long as the big, huge things that matter to build a successful foundation and marriage are truly in place. Only you can decide what those big, huge things are for you but primarily values, morlas, goals, etc.
Just to mention, my husband and I dated from July 20 to October 18 of the same year.
Post # 9
In my thinking, even a few months from now would still be a very fast courtship. If you feel comfortable enough to feel it would be right in a few months, then I say you should initiate a few serious conversations and just enjoy it whenever it happens!
Post # 10
Sometimes, you just know it’s right.
Post # 11
I agree…sometimes it is just right…but if it is, it will also be just right 4 months from now. If he does propose, it’s perfectly OK to either say “I need a bit more time together” or if you really feel it for him, too, you can say yes but have a longer engagement. No one should rush you into this big of a decision…including the guy you may marry! 4 months really is a little too short a time to know someone well enough to marry, In My Humble Opinion
As far as red flags go, does he try to push you into other things, is he overly possessive and controlling of you, do little things make him crazy jealous, has he tried to cut you off from your friends & family…and so on. Those are the red flags that go with a dangerous relationship (which is why I think you included the final option in your survey).
Post # 12
I met my guy in Feb, and 3 months later im on a site called “weddingbee”, so you can guess my vote. I say as long as youve discussed it together, and have really thought about it youurself, then go for it.
Post # 13
@purpledaisies: I knew I wanted to marry my love around 4 months into our relationship, before we even said I love you! It really varies from couple to couple but if you feel hesitant, bring it up and have a few talks about marriage, kids, finances etc to make sure you’re both on the same page.
Best of luck!
Post # 14
@lorie Oh goodness no, he’s a labrador retriever of a guy. Totally sweet and would do anything I asked. I’m kinda a lab, too. I didn’t even realize that may come across that way.
It’s geek love, and we’re both incredibly tender, soft-hearted people. I think that’s why it’s so easy between us. I think he’s just enthusiastic.
I guess my concern is not so much between us, it’s more about how it will look to others. That sounds awful, but I really respect our families and our friends and I want the ALL to be super-excited and without concerns. I know when friends have gotten engaged after a few months I was worried. So, I guess I am hoping that if it’s longer than 6 months it will be less shocking.
Thank you for pointing out the whole red flag abusive situation connotation, though. He’s just soooo not that guy. If I said I really loved guys who wear sunglasses and suspenders I’m pretty sure he’d wear both everyday for years. 🙂
Post # 16
My Fiance and I started talking “weddings” after 3 months. He proposed at 10 months and had a 17 month engagement. Even of its a little fast for you, you can always have a longer engagement 🙂