Post # 1
Hi bees! My first thread and its not a fun one.
I have two friends since college (10+ years ago). They have always been besties and I was on the outside looking in which is fine because I had a tight group of friends other than them that I was closer too. We had our issues in the past and one friend named Samantha (name changed) actually slept with my boyfriend way back then. We have since moved on from that and Samantha and I have become close friends (we are 30 now).
Since getting to know Samantha I realized that the other friend Courtney (name changed) has been saying things lies & truths to strain Samanthas relationship with everyone in our circle. So for all these years Samantha has been an outsider for no reason except that Courtney was passing around lies about her (and the sleeping with my bf thing, which I don’t even think would have happened if we were closer and we were not close due to the lies that Courtney told about her).
One evening Samantha and I were speaking of our college days and I brought up some things that I thought were truths about her like that fact that she and Courtney stole money from an organization that we were all in which caused major stress on me at the time and still frustrates me to think about it. She then burst into tears because she was so hurt by this and said that it didn’t happen. Also, Courtney lied and told everyone Samantha was not a virgin when she got to college and she really was. Now Samantha thinks that their whole friend ship has been a lie!
Courtney has recently accused Samantha of doing other things (lying, telling secrets, & gossiping). None of which are exactly true. So their relationship is extremely strained right now.
I am not a person that intentionally starts drama so I don’t know what to do. I really think I was wrong for bringing up the past issues. I feel so terrible, I have cried and beat myself up about this for weeks. I really want their friendship to sustain.
Today they are meeting up to hash everything out. My question is to you how should I handle this? I want to go and say what I said and stand behind my words but also apolgize for the undue stress it has caused. Should I go? Or should I let Samantha tell Courtney what I said and the clear the air with Courtney at a later date?
Help! The meeting is in 2 hours so please help soon.
Please no comments of how terrible of a person I am. I have had my fair share of self loathing.
Post # 3
It sounds like they are stuck in the highschool drama stage. Let them hash it out and stay out of it. People’s lies can always come back to bite them in the booty.
We all think about the past and the things we used to do: I love talking about old times with my buddies. You’re not a bad person for doing the same. You didn’t do anything wrong.
I think you should distance yourself from them and don’t be so emotionaly invested weather their friendship makes it or not. It’s not healthy for anyone.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Wow, crazy drama! I don’t think you did anything wrong by telling your friend the lies that you heard. You don’t need to explain or apologize anything; this is between your two friends and them only. You are ony the messenger and you really did nothing wrong except for tell the truth. Let them hash it all out themselves.
Post # 5
if this Courtney girl has been making up malicious lies about Samantha for years, then it doesn’t seem like much of a “friendship” that should be sustained. how do people get away with telling crazy lies like the ones you described…? beyond me.
Post # 6
You didn’t do anything wrong! That’s like if I said, “Omg Jessica, remember the time you and Becky got drunk at Roache’s???” You thought it was true. You had no way of knowing it wasn’t! People talk about the past all the time…
Courtney sounds like a real piece of work.
Post # 7
I once accidentally outed a ‘friend’ for cheating on her boyfriend some time in the past — I thought they’d been broken up at the time, and the boyfriend asked me about it a year or so later and I responded something like “oh, so you heard about the whole ____ incident?” Turns out they were together when it happened, and I was the first person to confirm to the bf that his gf had cheated.
Girlfriend calls me up and screams at me for betraying her, and much like you, I felt pretty badly about it, as if I had done something wrong.
It wasn’t until I had more years under my belt that I realized that HELLO, she is the one that CHEATED! She’s the one that did something awful, not me! So don’t feel bad in the least — Courtney is the one that effed up and Courtney needs to face the music. I agree with PP that you shouldn’t get involved, but if it comes down to it, stand by your word. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.
Post # 8
Let the two of them work it out between them, and don’t beat yourself up about it.
Post # 9
How can it be your fault that you believed what this Courtney girl said – if she didn’t mean for people to believe it, she wouldn’t have said it, would she? If their friendship fails, then that’s probably a good thing – I’d be devastated if a friend of mine was talking about me that way and I never knew.
Post # 10
Don’t go, it could just be more drama. It sounds like high school to be honest. I think I would look for more mature friends.
Post # 11
I agree with PP’s but my concern would be that since Courtney is allegedly a master manipulator whose to say she wont turn this whole thing around on you?
Post # 12
You didnt do anything wrong babe, that Courtney girl sounds like a real peice of work.
Now Im curious. How did it work out?