Post # 1
I was suppose to get married September 19th of this year, but I don’t think I want to anymore…. I mean its not that I don’t lome my FH I do, but the joy of planning this wedding has died. We started out this wedding with only a few essential people, we had a list of 80 people MAX but since he comes from a HUGE family (he is the youngest of 12) we went from only needed 8 tables to now needing to rent 20 tables…. all my planning has been changed and stretched to accomidate them, its no longer my wedding its my ceremony and their reception. Out of the 140 guests that are now listed i only need 75 of those guests to be there, the rest I could truly do with out. I don’t get along with most of his family to begin with. And he has no real communication with half of his brothers and sisters. Its not that I am bitter that his guest list is longer or that most of the guests will be his family, its just that to me a wedding is something special that you want to share with only the most important people in your life. Not just invite all 3000 members of your family because you dont want them to talk bad about you at the next family reunion. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Since we do not have the financial means to have a wedding that would accomodate to his family I let him know that I am putting the wedding off as of yesterday.
Post # 3
Could you cut the list further than 80 and have a really small intimate wedding with just those you really want? Just explain to everyone else that due to financial reasons you want to keep it small.
Post # 4
Oh no! I’m sorry that the stress of it has gotten to you! It really does drain you. What did he say when you said you were putting the wedding off? I know this will sound cliche, but sometimes we bride-to-bes can lose the message somewhere in all the planning. What’s important is that you two are beginning a lifelong commitment together. This is a day for you to celebrate your love and commitment. I hope everything works out okay!
Post # 5
I completely understand how you feel. I wanted a really intimate wedding as well (not more than 60 people). We’re currently expecting about 90, and we didn’t invite more than 100. I’m kind of upset about this because some of the people I really don’t want there (I don’t have anything against these people, I just don’t know them that well). But I’ve put it all behind me because we ARE getting financial assistance from both sets of parents, and 90 people isn’t that bad.
However, in your situation, your wedding has completely changed. And it sounds like you’re paying for all of it, so you get the final say. I think it’s a good thing to have put things on hold for you. You both need to sit down and discuss a compromise. Maybe he can only invite his siblings and no other extended family members? Siblings should really be invited, regardless of the relationship, but cousins and aunts and uncles, not so much. If his family gets upset, say unless they pay for it, no one else can be invited. If they offer up the money, you may want to consider allowing them all to come just to keep the peace.
Or, you can elope 🙂 And have a small celebration when you return home.
Have you sent our invitations yet? You might have to do some damage control if you plan on having a smaller wedding later on. You might want to spread the word that your wedding has to be immediate family and close friends now due to financial constraints. If people don’t understand, that’s their problem.
Take a breather, talk to your fiance. You’ll get this worked out.
Post # 6
I am sorry to hear that:) It is hard when it is suppose to be your day and you are so excited about it and people ruin that for you. We went through that a lot before we had to cancel our wedding plans because of medical bills and such. So now we are just down to the two of us september 26th. I am still sad I wont get to have anyone elese there to share it with, but no one in our famililes was coming or helpign and we just couldn’t do it ourselves.
But if you are really in love with your FI and you are ready to make that commintment that do it and your way. People are always going to find something to talk about but atleast you will have your day and you will be happy. Don’t let others take that from you. Unfortunetly the hardest part of marriage I think for most people is having boundaries with new family members an such. But boundaries are ok and are important. If you can’t afford it then you can’t afford it that is just what you tell them:)
I am sorry you are going through this, but it seems like a wedding shows you the true colors of people. You truly find out who your friends are:)
Post # 7
His immediate family… siblings and their kids only make a total of 79 people… so even if he wanted to invite cousins we couldnt… i did talk to him today and i let him know that i have lost myself in this wedding and that it seemed to me that it is now a party for his family more than our wedding… he did tell me that his family is willing to help pay for the wedding… the latin tradition of "padrinos" or godparents.. for example the godparent of the reception hall or dj or food… they contribute either funds to help pay for that one wedding detail or they can take the whole detail and pay for it as a gift… i objected… yes as crazy as it sounds i refused free money… but i did because i know his family and they are the type that always throw favors in your face… so no thank you…. we did how ever reach a conclusion… and thankfully no invitations were sent out… we will hopefully get married in the spring of next year…. we will have more time to financially have a better wedding… and since most of his family are agricultures they will most likely not be able to attend since in the spring time they work all week for about 10 to 12 hours a day…coincidence….i think not….…. I truly want to thank my fellow bees for taking the time to listen and comfort me.. i will repay the favor by being there for you and all other brides that need a cyber shoulder to cry on….
Post # 8
you mentioned lots of kids. any way you could do adults only? i hope the spring time wedding does the trick! good luck!
Post # 9
Well there is a solution if you truly feel that way — elope! Then have a post-wedding party!
Post # 10
I love the idea of kids being at the wedding… they set a totally different mood in a wedding…. I just hopey that a spring wedding is the answer
Post # 11
i know what that feels like: at the beginning of our planning we wanted only 100 guests, wich sounds like a big number for you, but for us it was only inmediate family… at the end, after my parents pressure, we invited almost 180 persons! fortunately my parents offered to pay all the food, so that was our deal.
I hope you feel better now you’ve took the decision of changing dates! so now go and take a loooong bath and do not do any wedding planning this weekend!
Post # 12
You’re not wrong for feeling this way at all. I’ve been in the exact same situation as you for the past few months. I wouldn’t want to call off the wedding entirely though. When push came to shove FI was able to cut out a good number of people, so maybe you can ask yours to do the same. The guestlist should be a compromise and I don’t think one person should dominate it or make it more than the other. Can you also not invite children? We were debating with that for the longest time and now it looks like if we "have" to invite kids, they’ll be in a separate area so that it won’t be so overwhelming (because initially we didn’t plan on including them). Good luck!!
Post # 13
I hope moving it to the spring is the answer. Good luck.
Post # 14
*HUGS* I’m sorry that the fun has gone. =( Can you elope, and just have a reception — or even maybe a "unity ceremony" as well? I get that you don’t like his family, but you can’t just cut them out of the wedding — they’ll be your family soon, too.
If you can trim the guest list without making it unfair, then do so. But if cutting it means un-inviting all his cousins while yours get to come with spouses and kids, then that’s unfair.
Post # 15
There is a flip side to this. The people I want to be at our wedding probably wont make it, including my brother who passed away last month, and one who probably wont make it until next July. Just a perspective