- 5 years ago
So I’m super confused, and I think I just offended BF.
Last night we were talking about birthdays since mine was coming up, and he was saying how he is always out of the country for his birthday. So I asked him whether he would be out of the country for his birthday in 2013, and sure enough he will be at a conference for that entire week in Austria. I was all like, “Oh well I guess I’ll just have to make it up to you via long-distance means (we are in an LDR right now) because I won’t see you for your birthday.” And he said that maybe I wouldn’t if I was there with him, and I was like maybe. Then he tells me that his family is thinking of turning the week before that into a family vacation and then started talking about the things he wanted to do in Vienna while he was there.
I felt like it wasn’t an actual invitation from him for me to go on his family vacation. I mean before you actually invite someone, you have to a) talk to your family and b) extend an invitation, right? I honestly thought he was joking about the well maybe you can come with me thing based on his tone of voice and how he said it, and he definitely didn’t say anything about me coming to visit with his family the week before the conference.
I have a good friend who graduated from college the year before I did and has been living in Austria for 1.5 years now teaching English. I have been meaning to visit him since before he moved there, and he has asked me to several times, so I actually ended up emailing him to chat, and he sent me an email back today saying that he missed me and he’d like for me to visit him at some point. I asked what he had in mind, and he said that his siblings were visiting in late July (a month before BF’s conference thing) and that he’d love for me to come too and that he’ll tell his parents to put me in the plans.
Mind you, I haven’t responded to my friend in Austria, but I mentioned this to BF just casually, and he was like, “Well you’re invited to go to Austria with my family a month after that.” And I was so confused. He hadn’t actually invited me last night. We were just joking about it, right? Well apparently I sounded offended that he was thinking of inviting me on his family vacation (I am very into not infringing on someone’s family time) and he just didn’t want to talk about it after that.
I think I said something along the lines of, “Uhhhh, well I’m not invited to that, am I?” and “Wouldn’t your parents have to invite me on a vacation with them?” so I don’t think I was being offensive in the least. I was genuinely confused about the situation.
I mean, okay, my family has said they’d like for him to go skiing with us next winter, and I’d really want him to come and stuff and he knows that, but I honestly didn’t think I was invited to this thing because he hadn’t discussed it with his family nor had he extended an actual invitation, and I am really confused as to how to handle this situation. I mean I told him that if he wanted me to come, I’d definitely make it a higher priority than visiting my guy friend and BF was just like, “Well you don’t have to do that.”
What do you Bees think?
One of my friends suggested to tell him something along the lines of, “Listen BF, I was confused. I would love to go with your parents of course, I just didn’t want to infringe on your family time, and I wanted to make sure that you had discussed it with your parents beforehand so they wouldn’t get upset. In my family for me to make such an invite, I have to discuss it with my parents beforehand.”
Do you all think that saying something like that is still appropriate? If you could amend that, how would you?
I mean, obviously I’d want to go on vacation with his family, but I got really confused and flustered because I wasn’t expecting him to think he had invited me. When I’m confused and flustered the words just don’t come out right.