Post # 1
There were several girls that I wanted to ask to be bridesmaids, including my friend “Mary,” but I ended up choosing my sister, FI’s sisters, and 2 college friends that I felt I was closer to.
Well… I didn’t know how to tell “Mary” that she was not a bridesmaid (she has assumed in the past that she would be in the wedding), so I asked her to help me with designing and ideas, which she loves. Ever since then, she has been very cold towards me, takes awhile to respond to my texts/calls, and I have asked her multiple times to get together (non wedding related), and she declines because she’s too busy, which could very well be true…. but I would still hope she would at least offer to let me know when she has time!
I’m not offended by what’s going on… I understand she’s probably hurt by my not asking her, and that’s ok. I feel badly, but at the same time, I made my decision for a reason. Have you had things like this happen? What more can I do to restore this friendship without pushing her away even more? Do I bring up the bridesmaid issue, or just let it go?
Post # 3
Maybe involve her in other ways? Like as a reader or something like that – so that if she’s like super into it she can go dress shopping with you and your ladies and still feel really involved without being a bridesmaid?
Post # 4
She probably is hurt about not being a BM and also resenting the fact that you are putting her “to work” so to speak without giving her the title–even if she loves design and stuff.
You can’t keep from hurting everyone’s feelings and you shouldn’t go back on your decision, but if she’s your friend, you probably owe it to her to break it to her gently and talk about your decision.
Post # 6
I personally wouldn’t want to help you out if I was offended about not being asked to be a BM. I think it’s a little insulting, like it’s an after thought. Plus if she’s doing all that, she should be in the wedding party. So no you don’t have to make her a BM, but cool it a little on the wedding talk and def don’t ask her to do anything unless it’s a reading.
Post # 7
Yeah, I can definitely see how it would come across as insulting to ask her to help without giving her the title. I guess I was just trying to find a way to include her in a way that she would enjoy too…. maybe I shouldn’t have even asked about that.
But, I also haven’t yet talked about the wedding with her at all, except for the night where we hung out after I got engaged, and we’ve hung out/seen each other other times besides that. I didn’t bring up the wedding other than that night because I could see that she wasn’t totally into being around me, so I didn’t want to push it further.
Man… now I feel like a jerk. I really didn’t want to hurt her… I just couldn’t ask her and wanted to find a creative way for her to be involved.