I think I made a mistake getting engaged

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

confusedPAgirl1234:  Trust your feeling. If you don’t 100% love him, then it’s just a recipe for disaster down the road and you won’t be happy.

Let him and yourself go while you both are still young. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t let people’s disappointment dictate your happiness. You live for yourself, not for them.

Post # 4
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

confusedPAgirl1234:  You’ve barely been together for more than a year and you are really young. I’d be concerned about getting engaged so quickly too! Your relationship progressed a lot faster than most, and that isn’t always a good thing. You can be “engaged”, but don’t make any wedding plans until you are absolutely certain. If you are feeling trapped or worried about not having other relationships, don’t start planning your wedding.  

A lot of young people who live together are engaged in name only, and honestly, that’s okay. Most people don’t move in together if marriage isn’t on the table, but that doesn’t mean you have to be planning a wedding or knowing for sure that you’ll marry him.

Enjoy dating for a few more years and see how you feel then. If people ask when the wedding is, tell them you’re saving money to pay for it/planning on finishing school/trying to get established in your career in case you have to move/etc. first. 

Post # 5
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Hi, 

My heart goes out to you, I have not been in the exact situation as you but I can relate. When I was very young my highschool sweetheart asked me to marry him. We were not compatible at all, we had different goals in life and different lifestyles. I said no, it didn’t feel right, we stayed together a few more months but then we broke up. 

In your case, you two sound compatible but even then it may not be sufficient. If you are confused seek a relationship therapist. I’ve been to one before seeking advice while I was engaged to my husband. She didn’t tell me what to do but she helped me figure it out. There is a reason you feel this way, it may be him, it may be you. You should invest in trying to make sense if it all, it’s a big desicion. 

Some girls never experience this when they are getting married, so they will say, stop the engagement. My suggestion is to get some unbiased professional counseling. 

Post # 6
Member
6882 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

I agree totally with MOHlookingForIdeas:  !

I dated my DH all through university – but we were long distance so we each had our own lives throughout the week and saw each other on the weekends. 

I think this gave me a lot of independence. Also, the best thing I ever did was go to graduate school. This delayed our engagement and us being able to live together, but it was so worth it. I needed that time after college to settle into my adult self. I needed to figure out who I was. Not who I was with someone. 

I think that you don’t have to change your relationship status, you can still remain engaged to him. Like suggested, just give yourself more time to enjoy or evaluate your relationship. Don’t start wedding planning until these feelings go away. 

Post # 8
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m sorry you are going through this. 🙁

You seem like you do really care for him, but that you are ambivalent about tying the knot officially.

The question is: Do you feel that you would be happier being single/ without him?

Post # 11
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

confusedPAgirl1234:  It sounds like you really do love and value him a lot, but that maybe you are afraid of such a big step. Do you think having more time before the wedding would help, or do you feel that this would be an issue no matter how long you are together?

Post # 12
Member
6882 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

confusedPAgirl1234:  Just tell people the wedding is tentatively set for late 2015 (because, I’m assuming you both are waiting to graduate). This makes absolute perfect sense. You guys will also need to find jobs in the same area, which can be a feat. I don’t think anyone will give you a hard time about your wedding date. DH and I were engaged for a few months before we set a date. If people asked why we didn’t have a date we would just say that we haven’t settled on a venue yet, and with lots of venues filling up quickly it would kind of be planned around that.

Post # 13
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

confusedPAgirl1234:  I’ve not been in that situation. If you feel like you rushed to engagement, you are perfectly wise to slow things down a bit.

Post # 14
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

confusedPAgirl1234:  Honestly, you guys can be engaged for as long as you like. Some people might give you a hard time about it, but given you ages, I imagine it won’t come as a big surprise to everyone. You very likely can figure out some kind of excuse – some event you’re waiting for – if you need one. Figuring out who you both are as adults is important. Maybe you’ll go back to school and get a PhD, maybe you’ll take a job in another country for a year – nothing says you have to start planning a wedding right away.

You’re not ready to get married, so don’t start planning a wedding. It’s as simple as that. 

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