I think I made an invite faux pas

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need not invite him unless you otherwise would have. We didn’t invite our officiant at all but if we had we wouldn’t have invited his wife.

Post # 4
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have to disagree with the PP, if you are treating your officiant as a guest at your reception (not a vendor) then they get the same courtesy as other guests, a +1 for the spouse.

Post # 5
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We invited our officiant’s spouse, though we knew them both (our church pastor and his wife). But yeah if you invite anyone to the reception you should invite their spouse. The only exception would be someone working at the reception (like the DJ), but the officiant isn’t working at the reception, she’s there socially.

It’s no biggie though. Phone her, tell her you made a mistake and a second invitation will be in the mail shortly.

Post # 6
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be tempted to invite her spouse, only because no one wants to go to a wedding reception dateless! Especially if her daughter will be there with a date, it would be nice if she didnt have to go alone.

Post # 7
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Where I live, standard is to invite officiant and his/her spouse.  They are not treated as vendors.

Post # 8
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

I think if you have a personal relationship with the officiant it’s more likely you’d invite them both. If it is someone hired just to perform the ceremony, I can’t see why they would even accept an invitation to the reception. The one my daughter had was scheduled for several that day, and he said he’d be over 500 lbs. if he attended every wedding reception he was invited to after he officiated!

Post # 9
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

I would, more out of kindness than anything else. I don’t think you have to. But it would be nice for her.

Also, if you do want to invite him, just give her a quick call and apologise for the error, and don’t mention it was an after thought!

Post # 10
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I never even thought about inviting our officiant (or his wife)… he is the pastor at my mom’s church; now I’ll ask her about it! 

Post # 11
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

tThey are a social unit, and such must be invited together.

If you invite her she is a guest, not “only” a vendor.

Post # 12
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@andielovesj:  agreed! I invited my officiant (dad’s bets friend, a judge) to the rehearsal dinner as well! He declined, saying it was only for the bridal party and family.

Post # 13
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Yes, you should invite the spouse.  We are inviting our officiant and his wife, but he is my pastor and both of them are actually friends of mine!

Post # 14
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I tend to agree with pretty much everyone else here. You should invite the spouse in this case. My mind-set is along the lines of: She/he is the one that will be joining me to my husband in marriage that in and of itself in my minds eye deserves the plus one, and as they are married that would solidify it for me. 

You can phone them and inform them of the mistake, and if you can send out a new invitation as well. 

But thats just my two pennies.

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