I think I may have lost a friend… :(

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow. It sounds as though she was very sensitive about this topic and really shouldn’t have kept asking if she wasn’t going to like the answer – especially because it was just a hypothetical question anyway!

I would have answered very much as you did, because I would assume that she (the mother of the baby) would attempt to save the child. Both of your significant others would have been able to escape under their own steam, so the only thing of any importance that didn’t have someone to rescue it from the fire was your cat!

To be honest, I don’t think there’s much you can do except apologise, which you have done, and let it go. If she thinks a stupid game is worth losing your friendship over, then how strong was this friendship to begin with?

 

ETA – If I were in that situation I would try to save my dogs. Obviously, if there were someone in the house unable to get out under their own steam, or if someone were incapacitated, then I would try to rescue them. But generally I assume that other adult humans will recognise the dangers of a burning house and know where to go, whereas a child or animal may not.

Member
3800 posts
Honey bee

Wow. As someone who loves my cat and carries it around the world with me, I would definitely still save DH. However, your truth is your truth, and that’s valid.

Does your friend usually judge others so quickly? Does she usually refuse to respect the view others? If not, then maybe it is hormones, lack of sleep, and all of the changes in her life. She is going through a big adjustment. That, however, does not make her behavior ok. It sounds like she behaved atrociously, and very smuggly. 

I think with big life milestones, its really important to remember that it’s never as important to anyone else as it is to YOU. Weddings, babies, etc.

That said, I think was callous and unnecessary to say that about her baby. I’m glad you apologized.

Member
4057 posts
Honey bee

I think she just have post pregnancy hormones running around her system making her a little bit more sensitive to the issue.

But I would have answered the same way as you did. My cat is blind and wouldn;t know how to get out whilst my DH is an able bodied man who could get himself out of the house easily. Of course if he was hurt then I would have the cat under one arm (or him holding it if conscious) whilst I drag him out. Same for any human injured or hurt but if everyone was ok then yes my cat comes first.

Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee

What?! I totally understand you!

To you, your cat is your baby. Why would you save her baby over yours? I know that some people don’t see animals as family, but I do. My animals have personalities, what makes them less significant than a person? Not everyone has the same priorities as her.

Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper

My husband would be able to get out of the house just fine. My dog and cat would not. I don’t blame you in the slightest for your decision but I would not have defended my actions to my friend.

The rational part of me says, “Your friend is having some serious post-pregnancy hormone mood swings.”

The irrational part of me goes, “Your friend is crazy.” 

Member
399 posts
Helper bee

The comment your FI made about the hormones reminds me so much of the movie Knocked Up. “You know what, I know this isnt you talking, its your hormones, but I would just like to say, FUCK YOU, HORMONES, YOU ARE A CRAZY BITCH, HORMONES–not Alison, HORMONES. Fuck em. Its a girl, buy some pink shit.” 

Seriously though, your friend is crazy.

Member
720 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, I friggen love my cats. I’d rather save them over a friends baby. I know that sounds bad. 

She pulled the friggen game out this is all on her. I honestly can’t stand hyper sensitive people. I got in trouble for something similar at work the other day. Stuff a sock in it people. tibbs it’s your life don’t need to apologize for what you value. 

Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

It was rude of her to make a big thing out of the fact that you said you would save your cat. She seems like a drama queen.

In truth I probably would grab another person’s baby before I grabbed my pet but that’s only upon considered reflection, I could easily answer “my pet” in a spur of the moment in the middle of a board game. And, sometimes we do things we don’t even expect we’d do in the actual heat of the moment, so none of us really knows for sure.

The board game was meant to be lighthearted and she took it way, wayyyyy too seriously.

 

Member
546 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, to me it appears this friend is going to expect you to make her baby as important to you as it is to her.  I do like my friends kids, because well, their parents are my friends.  Do I want to hold and play with the kids or have much in general to do with them?  No.  I really only like to deal with kids when they old enough to rationalize, have a conversation, and don’t drool, puke, poop, and pee all over you.  Bodily fluids aren’t my strong point, no matter how cute or related to me the person is.

I think your friend is being ridiculous.  It was just a board game.  She’s probably one of those people who thinks you shouldn’t be upset if a spouse dies because you “can just get another one,” and it’s nothing compared to “losing a child” -blah blah nonsense.  She’s lucky I wasn’t playing because I would save the pets and the spouse way before someone else’s kids because to me, you can “always have another one.”  Perhaps this is why I’m never having children lol.

Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee

If the house was seriously on fire and there was no way for your friend and her husband to get the child out, but I could, I would grab the baby first.. THEN go get my cat. This is coming from a crazy cat obsessed lady! However, considering she would probably be able to get herself and her child out, her husband would be able to get out by himself, and your FI would probably be able to walk himself out, I would say saying that you would get your cat out first is an okay thing to say..

 

However when you called to apologize, I wouldn’t have believed you were sincere, either, when you couldn’t say that you would save a child. I love my cat to death, believe me. He is my baby. I just have to believe that whenever I have human children they would be more important to me, so I can see where she would flip out… but her rational thinking is probably out of wack and that’s why she couldn’t see herself as saving her own kid.

Member
5518 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow. She took the game a bit too seriously didnt she?  If she was sitting there perfectly able to pick up her child while your house was on fire (which she likely would with all that maternal stuff) why wouldn’t you get your cat?

No pets aren’t people (even though some think they are) but they’re still family.

Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee

i would definately save my cat too. My cat is very much human in my eyes. i could never leave him in the house. I would like to think that my cat would alert me of the fire thus saving me too :)

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