Post # 1
I feel really strange writing this, but I feel lik I can’t tell anyone else. Basically I’ve felt like hell 99% of the time for about four years. I went through hell at college; daily bullying and constant putdowns. That was two years ago but I still haven’t gone back to how I was.
The best way to explain it is like being blind – everyone else is happy but I can’t seem to see why. I’ve become somewhat of a misanthrope too – and I really don’t want to be. I think about what would happen if I died – if anyone would care. I’m not suicidal – I’m way too cowardly, but sometimes I wonder.
I’m constantly exhausted. If one bad thing happens I become seriously miserable. I got told off at work yesterday and came home and started sobbing. It wasn’t a huge deal but it felt like the end of the woirld,.
Only FI can make me feel better – but when I’m alone I’m just horribly unhappy,
I’d like to hear from bees who have felt this way; how do you get through it? I know I can get over it but I’m not sure how. Any advice?
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I imagine it must be hard. I would go speak with a therapist (psychologist or psychiatrist). I know that might sound scarey but sometimes we just need to admit when we need a little extra help 🙂
Post # 4
I felt like this before. I went to a therapist. It did help a lot. I don’t think I found exactly the right one to help me, but just getting my feelings out there helped a ton. I would reccommend trying this.
Also, I wonder if you take any vitamins? Sometimes people who are seriously deprived of vitamin D or B12, will feel sad or unenergetic. If you aren’t ready to seek therapy, you could try adding a multivitamin to your diet, or d/b supplements and see if it helps.
Post # 5
The good thing is that your feelings have little to do with your current situation. Stay optimistic. Mistreatment takes time to get over. I wish you the best.
Post # 6
Hey, you’re definitely not alone. Reaching out is good. Here is what I recommend. First see a doctor to rule out any kind of obvious physical (ie non-brain) problems. Start shopping around for a therapist you like who will give you some pointers for changing your thought process or just for a safe place to vent. You pay them, so find a good one you agree with. I went through 10 to find one I like, lol.
Then be prepared for this to take a long time to figure out. There’s no magic solution BUT you have to believe that hope exists (regardless of whether you feel it or not)
Talk to FI and let him know you are having a hard time. Maybe call up some friends or family to spend some quiet not-alone time more often. If it takes you a while to work up the courage to do this, that’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up, this is really hard.
Put a few hotline numbers in your phone ASAP. Just in case. Even if you are not actively suicidal they can help you out a bit if you’re in a real bad ditch at any point. And feel free to PM me.
Also… enjoy: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
Psychiatrist and/or therapist. I only see my psychiatrist quarterly and prn now, but when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I saw her every two weeks and my therapist once or twice a week. You need to kinda attack it hardcore right at first then ease off.
Post # 8
Don’t be ashamed! I would talk to my doctor if I were you. I have depression and anxiety. I take Prozac for it. And it really helps. I think more clearly and don’t get as nervous. I have to take an antidepressant because I have a chemical imbalance and don’t produce my own dopamine or seratonin. You might have a chemical problem, talking to a doctor isn’t a bad thing.
Post # 9
@TopazTurtle: I was diagnosed with depression when I was about 8. I am now 26 and have been living with it since then. I have my good days and I have my bad days and I have my really bad days. I honestly suggest that you go talk to someone to at least get a diagnosis and a definitive plan on what you can do to cope or even medication to help you. Its also great that you have your FI to talk to. That is one thing that has helped me improve greatly is meeting FI because now when I get depressed I have someone I can always share my feeling with. My experience is that sharing my feelings makes things so much easier on you then having to hold everything in. Im very similar to you in that I can be so sensitive to what others say so when im feeling down and something happens or someone says something it just sets me off worse. The best medicine is just having someone to talk about it with and vent your feelings.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@TopazTurtle: I know exactly how you feel, even down to the dying part. Please know that there are tons of things you can do to help yourself. I think the first thing you should do is tell someone that you’re closest to. Your FI, perhaps? You don’t have to tell them about your death thoughts right away if you don’t want to, but at least let him know what’s up. How is your diet and general health? If you can somehow increase your exercise (something you enjoy!) and eat healthy, it could drastically help. next, I absolutely think you should go to counseling. It can be an absolute life changer once you find one that works well with you. Last but not least, please don’t shut out the idea of taking medicine. It doesn’t have to something crazy strong, nor does it need to be a permanent thing. It’s completely okay to take it for a few months to get back on your feet and be able to get to the point where you can help yourself through. I took medicine for about 6 months for depression and anxiety, before I was able to get to the point where it was manageable on it’s own. Sometimes the first few hurdles are too hard to get over alone, and it’s 150% okay and healthy to ask for and accept help. It doesn’t make you a smaller or a weaker person. In fact, getting the help you need takes more guts than most things in this world.
If you need any help, or someone to talk to, PM me. 🙂
Post # 11
@TopazTurtle: I’ve been severly depressed for the past 6 years. I saw a therapist for about 6 months (about two years in), but all I ever did was cry during our entire 60-minute long weekly sessions. I eventually stopped going because I was paying her just to cry which I had no idea why I was crying, and because I am NOT good at talking/saying what I feel or what is wrong. She told me that I never gave her real answers. I always said I dont know or I answered with a question. I have friends who go to therapy and they say they can just talk and talk and tell whats going on in their heads and say whats wrong… but I just can’t. I dont know why. I dont even think I know whats going on in my head most of the time. Therapy doesn’t work for me 🙁 I want to try and find a new phychologist once I have insurance back.
Anywho, to me it sounds like you are depressed, and I hope you seek treatment, because this is not a fun life to live.
Post # 12
@TopazTurtle: ((Hugs)) I’m sorry you’re going through this. Therapy would be a great place to start. A formal diagnosis would help you move forward and work on the issues.
My story…I was formally diagnosed with depression at 19 (33 now) but had been having problems as far back as elementary school. There has still be a lot of struggle involved with being well, and I know there always will be. Therapy is super helpful for me. In the beginning, it gave me such great insight to how my mind works when depressed. Subsequent therapy gave me more understanding and great coping mechanisms. Today, I’m much stronger and feel more confident in my ability to navigate my emotions. I know my triggers and the warning signs of sliding. I also know how to identify what truly makes me happy as opposed to just masking the sadness.
Good luck with your path, and please don’t hesistate to PM if you need an ear/shoulder or have questions.
Post # 13
I would start with a doctor to make sure there’s no underlying condition that could be causing or exacerbating your symptoms. It sure does sound like depression. I’m a depression lifer, and honestly it does get better with treatment. You don’t have to live feeling the way you do. I hope you start to feel better soon.
Post # 14
First of all… you are SO not alone!
I was diagnosed with depression in high school, and even now at 25 it still is something I battle on the daily. I see a therapist weekly, which honestly really helps, but there are still days that are tougher than others.
I’d suggest calling around to make an appointment to speak to a therapist, if you’re open to it. I think that’s a really solid first step.
Please don’t hesitate to PM me if you ever want to talk or have any questions! I’m not on the site 24/7 but will definitely reply ASAP.
Hang in there… it gets better! 🙂