Post # 1
So, it looks like C and I are going to lose our deposit on our ceremony and reception venue. My mom called me last night and wants us to change our wedding date by a week.
In all honesty, I’m being kind of stupid about this because I know exactly why she wants to change it and I should just suck it up. She finally got a teaching position and she wants us to have the wedding during their spring break, so she can be with me a couple of days before the wedding. I understand this, and I do want her there.
But here are the problems:
1. I don’t even know if there’s a date open that week–I’ll have to call the venue on Monday since they don’t hold office hours on the weekends, obviously.
2. We’ll lose our deposit. We signed the contract and I doubt they’ll let us keep our deposit. Granted, my parents say they’ll pay for the new deposit because they’re the ones who want to change the date. But we put down half for a Thursday–which we could afford. If it so happens that the only date available that next week is a Friday/Saturday/Sunday then my parents will put down their half but we’ll still have to pay more money and lose our 600 bucks–which is a heck of a lot of money to us. I feel like we’ll just throw away our money; we don’t even have a bedframe–our mattress is just lying on the floor!
I’m just really irked. I called both families before booking this place to see if the dates were good. WAY in advance, too. I don’t even know why I’m feeling like this…it’s really, really stupid. I mean, of course I want everyone to be happy. I love the place we’re having the wedding and I just thought it was done and done. I think the worst thing is that I know I’m overreacting about this stupid thing. I just feel so irritated because I thought I was doing everything right.
Post # 3
It sounds like you DID do things right and you’re allowed to be irritated! $600 IS a lot of money. Don’t worry about it anymore until you call on Monday. Who knows, maybe you won’t even be able to change the date. And, in my opinion, if you have to change your wedding to a Fri/Sat/Sun your parents should pay the difference in cost. It sounds like you knew what you could afford and structured your wedding around that. I don’t think you should be pressured into spending more than that. Just my two cents.
Post # 4
Don’t beat yourself up about feeling irritated – you’re being awfully generous! Maybe I’m just cold-hearted, but I wouldn’t even *consider* changing my date because my mom wanted to have freebie days off work to come be with me before the wedding. I am a teacher, so I understand the urge to want people to schedule events around your given breaks (why not, it’s so convient right!?), but in this case the only person it’s convient for is your mother.
Do you think if you end up having to switch to a Friday/Saturday your parents would pay the new deposit & the difference? Also, sometimes a venue will transfer a deposit as long as you’re still getting married there (especially since your date is farther away).
Post # 5
Hmmm…. when I saw what you were posting about, the first thing I looked at is your wedding date. Next March is so close — this is really late to make a change like that! You might need to think about whether you 1) need your mom’s help and 2) are willing to go through all the trouble of changing your date with other vendors, friends, and family who have been notified of your date. It may not be worth it, or you may really hurt your mom. This is a really tough decision.
Post # 6
Ugh. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I would honestly be irritated too– for every big decision I get out of the way, a bit of weight is lifted and I regain a little sanity. To have to revisit decisions again is awful—especially something as basic as your wedding date. (I can totally commiserate!) 🙁
I think it is very kind that you are willing to consider this change for your mom. I would do the research about changing the date— but if it isn’t possible, would you be ok with your mom helping out a little less? Plus, I know it is a new job (which admittedly are hard to come by), but is it possible she could ask for a tiny bit of time off? Usually employers are a little more forgiving about the huge life events, like a daughter/son getting married. I do understand her not wanting to rock the boat, but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to ask….
Above all, your decision is about weighing out what is important to you. Tons of good luck and wishes your way!
Post # 7
i forgot to add what beffielou mentioned, your mom taking days off. i don’t know if it’s a full-time position or aiding or part-time, but lots of teaching jobs come with time-off already built in. my first year of teaching i started with 11 days ready to be used. maybe she can look into that. and since it’s teaching, they aren’t likely to fire her if she decides to take time off & pay the $80/day for a sub herself. (it’s not practical for them to hire a new person for the end of the semester because she took a day off)
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
I don’t think you’ll lose the deposit if you stay with the same venue! Just call them, explain the situation and see what they say…I think most places will let you change the date and apply the deposit since they’re not losing your business, just changing your date…And honestly, I think it would be the right thing to do to try and change it if it means that much to your mom and it will be a HUGE help to have her free the week before the wedding!
Post # 9
Usually venues will transfer deposits if you’re just switching dates– right? I’m pretty sure they’ll help you out unless it states something completely different on your contract.
I have to agree with mowi, this switch only sounds convenient for your mom. You have every reason to be irked- you tried so hard before putting down a deposit to accommodate everyones needs.
You really won’t know until you call the venue on Monday. If they say you can’t change your date or that the following Thursday is not available, then you should keep your original date. I hate giving extra money to vendors when you get nothing in return. You’re right- it’s like throwing your money away! Your hands are tied for 2 more days so try not to stress out too much until you have to!
I hope it all works out for you, keep us updated 🙂
Post # 10
I’m sorry you have to deal with this! March is so close already! I wouldn’t do it! Especially if it only benefits your Mom and they would only pay half the deposit. I don’t think they’ll do that if you are just switching dates, though. The only way I am changing my date is if the officiant we want has something already booked.
Post # 11
I guess it depends really on how close you are to your mother. My 68 yo mother is flying to Chicago all the way from Australia an almost 24 hour trip, while looking after my 9yo neice just so she can be here for my wedding.
We had to change the date we wanted our wedding by months, at the last minute. I was going to have to get married with no family here, but my brother offered if we could put the wedding off a few months until his house sold he would pay for both my mother and neice to come as a wedding present.
It meant huge changes and we had to cancel a lot of things to shift things around because not having my mother here to help us get ready and to be involved in all the pre wedding excitment was such a wonderful feeling. That we didn’t give any expenses we are going to have with her being there a second thought, and we are not in any financial position to to be that blaze we have only a $2500 budget for the whole wedding. But as my FH said, family is family and we’d find the money.
Maybe if you look at the positive side, you get to have you mother with you for all the pre wedding excitment. Focus on how much fun that is going to be I would think that was a big plus, I know $600 is a heck of lot of money but to think of the good things and maybe it won’t make you so irritated.
Of course, as I said it depends on how close you are to your mother, if you fight like cats and dogs it might not be a good thing in which case ignore what I just wrote.