Post # 1
One of my BMs called to ask if shoes can be drycleaned. I told her I thought so, she should just call and ask. Then…she asks if the dye will wear off. Ummm, what?
She went out and wore her shoes (I’m pretty sure the dress too) and now they need to be “fixed”. (her word, not mine.)
I wanted my BMs to choose their own dress and shoes because they know what they are comfortable in and hopefully they would wear it again. But…AFTER the wedding. (Edit: They did pay for their own dresses and shoes.)
I’m annoyed because this is something I don’t want to deal with about 5 weeks before the wedding. She has to figure it out, whether the shoes get re-dyed, her dress gets steamed. Whatever it is.
But I did want them to be able to wear their dresses elsewhere.
If I’m wrong for feeling this way, please talk me down. In all honesty, it probably wouldn’t have bothered me as much if she talked to another bridesmaid or someone else. It’s just that I don’t want to be the one to have to deal with this right now.
Post # 3
I don’t think you are wrong for feeling this way at all. I think it puts extra stress on you because here your bridesmaids are all set and now you have to figure out how to get the shoes fixed. I think its your bridesmaid’s responsibility to get the dress and shoes in wedding condition. I’m not a fan of bridesmaids wearing the dresses before the wedding, although I can understand its their right if they pay for them. I think it’s cutting it close, especially if they aren’t careful and ruin the dress. I know I wouldn’t have fun if I had to worry about my outfit and think it would always be easier to wear something else.
I think you have enough to stress about right now and agree that the bridesmaid should have called someone else or maybe asked a dry cleaning professional so you weren’t worried about the situation. I hope it all works out!
Post # 4
@Pupperoni: Thank you for your sweet response. I wasn’t mean to her on the phone. (Unfortunately, my wonderful FI hear a tiny rant.) I tend to be a little (actually a lot) type A with some control issues so I depend on others to help me keep myself in check. I’m doing better, but this is one of those things…. aaaahhhh! LOL.
Post # 5
Hmmm… I can understand her wanting to wear the shoes before to break them in and make them comfy. But I would be annoyed about her wearing the dress before the wedding because it would send me the message that she didn’t think the wedding was special enough to save the dress till then. I’m not saying this is how she feels, this is just how I would feel about the situation.
Post # 6
If she paid for it then it is technically her right to wear them whenever & wherever she wants.
That being said…
I think it is really really inconsiderate and irresponsible of her to wear the pieces to an outing or event in which she may have ruined the shoes and dress. On top of that it is really kind of rude for her to then tell you about it and thus induce some completely unnecessary bride-brain stress.
I would definitely be a little annoyed. But I would likely tell the BM her bad, her job to fix it. If it doesn’t work out, then GEE I guess you will be nekkid at the wedding.. should have thought of that before you went partying in your wedding get-up hey silly BM. ?
Post # 7
I voted other since yes it would annoy me, but no it is not a big deal.
She did pay for it it is her’s to wear. I wore my BM dress before the wedding but would never dream of telling the bride becasue I knew it would probably stress her out. So in short you would be better off had your BM not told you and you prob would not notice but now you will scrutinize her dress and shoes.
Post # 8
Even is something happened to her shoes would it be bad enough to see in the pics? If it is, what the heck did she do in those things!?!?
Post # 9
I can understand her wanting to wear the shoes to break them in (or since you let them pick their own shoes, she may have owned them for years so obviously they’d have been worn before). So I don’t think you can really be upset about that.
But I do think that a BM should refrain from wearing the BM dress to other events before the wedding. Yes – she did pay for it but I see it as a courtesy and respect thing to wait until after the wedding to wear it for other things.
Post # 11
I mean, if you kicked her out of the wedding because of it, yes, you would be wrong. But being stressed out and annoyed is perfectly reasonable!!!
Post # 12
I voted no, that it would annoy me, too. I do agree with PPs in the fact that it’s her dress/shoes that she paid for, she’s more than welcome to wear them when and wherever she would like, but your wedding is literally just around the corner. That’s cutting it way close to wear something out, especially since she obviously wasn’t careful with it. (BTW what was she doing that she needs to get her wedding attire “fixed” ?!)
Also, I don’t see why she had to seek out advice from you. SHE is supposed to be there for YOU, not vice versa. If one of my BMs came to me with that issue, I’d tell them that they needed to figure it out on their own, or they wouldn’t be standing next to me. Might sound harsh, but you’ve got way to much to deal with in the upcoming weeks to worry about a party stain on someone’s dress or a broken strap on a shoe.
Post # 13
I think it’s fine that she wore the stuff that she bought before your wedding. I’ve done the same with a black BM dress I had. Every BM was wearing something different so it’s not like I was revealing something amazing. I think my friend got a little irritated, but she was nice about it. Good thing, because I really didn’t care.
Post # 14
I think it’s fine that she wore her clothes. I think she was foolish to dump the problem about them possibly being dirty on you. She should have quietly consulted a dry clearner about cleaning/fixing the shoes.
It’s pretty interesting that she asked you about whether something can be dry cleaned…unless you are a dry cleaner? Seems a bit AW/drama queen of her to worry you with such a thing!
Post # 15
It would annoy me too – BMs are supposed to alleviate stress not add to it and burden you with further worries (unfortunately they don’t always get this!). She was selfish to wear them. I’d just tell her she has to tell with it herself. At the end of the day tho no-one will notice your BMs shoes loads -don’t worry Good luck!
Post # 16
Five weeks before your wedding EVERYTHING seems like a big deal. I think it would annoy me but at the end of the day you won’t even be able to notice in pictures and stuff. My girls had short dresses and were told to wear gold heels and in the full length pics they feet are so small you hardly notice at all.