- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
First, I think it's amazing how you turned your life around and that you hope to strive to accomplish more in the future. That being said, I don't think you should write off your relationship. As life progresses, people change over time. It's normal. Sometimes, one partner may exceed the other in terms of emotional growth or financial success, but I don't think it is the kiss of death in a relationship. I have way more schooling than my FI and a job that pays nearly double the income he has, but to me those are material things that have little to no impact on our relationship. It's more important to me that the love, respect, and emotional support that we have for each other is maintained. Instead of focusing on the differences between you two, why not try to find common ground. Find hobbies that you both can enjoy. Even if you can't, discuss your feelings with your FI. maybe you two can find a way to work it out. That way if the relationship ends, you will know you did everything you can to make it work. Good luck.
only you know what you feel in your heart. You can travel with out him-wouldn't it be nice to know you always have someone to come home to?
Thank you so much for your words.. I really do appreciate that! I am proud of turning my life around. It is still an ongoing progress but I am in a better place with everything. It sure hasn't been easy but I have done it.
And what you said about my relationship, I was expecting the first comment to be "dump the guy" or something as equally productive but what you daid really made me think and I will definately follow your advice precisely, there is no harm in doing the things you suggested. Thank you, you are so right. People do change over time and grow, It happens every where.
And what ccomes to material things, I don't care about that either. I have no interest in who brings the money to the house, material things are most certainly not the most important things in life.
hank again!
My FI and I are very different. I love to go out with friends, have fun, be loud. He is happy to stay at home, where it's quiet, and watch tv. We are both okay with that! We have our time but then we also have time away from each other. I keeps us from resenting each other. I know couples where one loves to travel and does without her spouse and they are fine with that too. Only you can decide what the best decision is for you though!
@MaijuMaiju: You're welcome. In the end, I hope you make the best decision for yourself. Take care.
People grown and change over time and just because you are a little different doesn't mean you should be looking else where. However, you really haven't been together all that long and to be honest I think it takes some time to really see the whole picture like you may be now. If you are having doubts you should ask yourself what you really want long term. Can you do all your partying and traveling with girlfriends if that's what you want to do. Will you be satisfied with a man who is content sitting at home all the time playing games? Can you imagine your life without him? I think you need to figure out what you want in life and how to see him in that life. I did that when I was getting cold feet with my husband, and we have almost everything in common, and I couldn't see myself without him beside me.
Hey fellow Finn (the first one I've come across on these boards)! 
These things are hard, and like someone else said only you can know what's right for you. I see you have your wedding set for 2014? That means you still have lots of time! If I were you, I'd probably take the time to figure out how I feel and not plan the wedding until I'd be sure it's the right thing to do.
Personally, I love traveling so much that I could not imagine spending my life with a person who didn't share my passion. :) Sure, they say opposites attract, but what happens when the initial attraction fades over time and you find yourself with a person with whom you have nothing in common? I think the key to a lasting, happy marriage is to share similar interests and goals in life and to be able to do things that you both enjoy together. Also, you say things like "on PAPER everything's great" and "I don't want to settle". I think that says a lot about how you feel. I'm not saying dump your guy, but just a few points to think about!
Sorry to be the downer here, you know how us pessimistic Finns are! 
@MaijuMaiju: He is an introvert and you are an extrovert. Sometimes, you need a person to anchor you and he may need a person to help spice up his social interaction a bit. Is he a nice person? Is he honest? Is he respectful? Are you physically and sexually attracted to him? Is he funny? Is he a good provider? I have felt the way that you feel and I have never known the feeling of contentment in my life until maybe 6 months ago. Some people find contentment much sooner and for some of us it takes a bit longer. You too will become more settled as you get a little older. It took me 31 years to EVER experience that feeling. Good luck to you and be patient with those who have loved when you were not able to love yourself. Those types of genuine people are not easy to replace.
Don't forget that he's the reason you have this newfound self-respect and self-love in the first place, so if you leave him he will probably feel used. And ask yourself, will you truly be happier without him?
You can still be someone and do big things like you said and he can be at your side to support you, as he has throughout your relationship. You can have your individual lives and differing interests and still be a couple. Relationships are all about compromise and meeting in the middle.
I would just re-think it, and try to remember what life was like before him. You have stability now, and it sounds like that's what you were searching for all this time, so why sabotage that? Good luck.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 52 |
| Brielle | 41 |
| mypinkshoes | 34 |
| Cady | 32 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 32 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| ndreighton | 27 |
| rebwana | 26 |
| funkymunky85 | 26 |
| fishbone | 26 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| funkymunky85 | 9 |
| ebotlsrm | 5 |
| Lyndzo | 4 |
| mightywombat | 3 |
| AshleyR83 | 3 |
| rebwana | 3 |
| jules28 | 3 |
| melisslp | 2 |
| sara_tiara | 2 |
| bookworm88 | 2 |
Hello bees!
So, after reading this forum religiously for the past months I finally dicided to ask your help. And I hope I get it!
Well, little backround information on myself first.. First of all, excuse all the grammar mistakes, I live in Finland in northern Europe so my english isn't the best. So what is my problem..
I met this wonderfull man little over two years ago, and he was just a breath of fresh air to my life, which had been slightly rocky till then. I had been living on my own for a few years back then and I had just come back from the states (where I spent a year studying) Over the years I had definately been hanging with the wrong kind of people, people who treated me badly, men who used me and treated like crap.
And then this wonderfull man just changed me, he was a total opposite of me. He was down to earth, quiet, shy, smart, a few years older than me, he had a good job and was uterly handsome. But he treated me good.
I was the least bit damaged, I was only 18 and had been living on my own since 15 and had had absolutely horrible teenage years so far. Meeting with the wrong boys and just being beaten down with life. And as you can easily imagine when this man came in to my life I fell in love hard, he was so honest and pure. I felt like no one had ever accepted me like he had, no one had ever been so honest.
Our relationship got off to a good start and we got engaged at the six month mark, at the same time when we moved in together. Out of the two of us I was the grown up one. Living a alone and sort of being an adult your whole small life, really makes you grow up fast. We were in love and even though there were fights within the first year or so there was never nothing we couldnt over come. And it was like this for a year and a half.
Over this time I feel like I have grown as a person, in a different way. I have gained self respect. I was never raised to respect myself or my body, I was grown up in a way that I had this image in my head that only if I make it somehow or do something Ill be worth being in this world. And now that I have learned to value my self as a person and learning that settling is not good and it's more than ok to have dreams and reach for them, I have started to wonder about this relationship.
On the paper everything is perfect between us, we own our own condo and it is my pride, It is a beautiful home which is nicely decorated, we are not rich but we can manage and planning in getting married after I graduate.
I am in college but we do fine with his paychecks. But now I just can't shake the feeling that this perfect suburban pirture perfect life isn't what I want. I am loud and outgoing and want to make something out of me, I want to matter. But my fiance is happy just where he is, he doesn't want anything grand, he want to do just ok in life. He doesnt want to see the world or travel, right here is fine. I want something else, not material things but to do something important and be something important. I want to tavel to places, learn languages and educate myself. I want to teach young girls to respect themselves, I want to do something good with my past to someone else.
I can feel my self loosing faith in this relationship and starting to wonder wheter I would have fallen in love with this man if I would've not been beaten down so badly earlier in my life.
Do I want something else? He is quiet and shy, I am loud and friendly, he wants to play computer games when I want to go out and meet friends and have fun. I am not sure if this is just something that has come on its own and is unavoidable or if this is just due of the changes in my life, new school, massive weight loss--> confidence... especially this weight loss, I have changed and I don't want to settle, but all this is permanent. Gosh, i dont know..
So my fellow bees,
any advice on my short problem?