(Closed) I think I need to call it off…plus I saw this coming. (LONG)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@AnnonoMUSTPlz:  Regardless of the time, money, and energy that went into this clearly toxic relationship and engagement, be glad that you are done with him. Could you have imagined what it would have been like to be married to him? You’d have a cloud of doubt looming over your head if he was still over his ex or not. Consider yourself fortunate you dodged a bullet. I’d run as far as I can away from him.

Post # 5
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You are NOT an idiot.

Sorry you are going through this. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about because you are putting yourself first. Good for you for getting out of a situation that will only make you hurt more further down the line.

Post # 6
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yeah, I’d get out of that relationship. He should not treat you that way. I have anxiety/depression/seasonal affective disorder and my ex would belittle that too, didn’t think it was “real” and stuff like that, and it just made me feel so much worse. My current fiance is AMAZING about it and I have honestly barely been depressed at all since I’ve started dating him. He makes me feel like I can conquer the world. You deserve someone who makes you feel like that and puts you first. I know it sucks so much to have to break up with him but from reading your post I really think you’re making the right choice.

Post # 7
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@Olive12:  “Regardless of the time, money, and energy that went into this clearly toxic relationship and engagement, be glad that you are done with him. Could you have imagined what it would have been like to be married to him? You’d have a cloud of doubt looming over your head if he was still over his ex or not. Consider yourself fortunate you dodged a bullet. I’d run as far as I can away from him.

+1.

Post # 8
Member
3429 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@AnnonoMUSTPlz:  please, please re-read the fifth paragraph in your post.  Since when were “stupid, idiot and lazy” considered terms of endearment?  Calling you names is NOT ok!  Please consider this before you allow him to con his way back to you.  He doesn’t sound like he’s ready for a committed relationship let alone a marriage.  I know it’s hard to put things into perspective when your upset, but try to see through this emotional fog, you really need to put yourself first now and exit this relationship, heal yourself so that you can be ready to receive a man who truly is deserving of you:) 

Post # 9
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

((hugs))

You are not an idiot.  You are not lazy.  You deserve love and respect and to be cherished.  Walk away, don’t look back, and be grateful that you’ve saved yourself either a lifetime of misery and anxiety or a nasty divorce.

Best of luck to you going forward… without him in your life, my guess is your anxiety level will go down, you will be free to find your own way in life (move to FL, no seasonal depression here!), and your true love might be just around the corner.

Post # 10
Member
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

This creep has made himself into a full time job for you.  Honestly, I can’t fathom why you would give him the time of day, let alone marry this creature.

My advice is to get rid of this guy asap and seek therapy for yourself to find out how come you got so enmeshed with such a poor quality guy and to make sure you don’t do it again.

You’re depressed because you’re so anxious.  Relationships should not be this hard, sweetie.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
5894 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

How can someone who calls you names and is disrespectful be your best friend?

Post # 12
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

@AnnonoMUSTPlz:  Oh, honey.  Don’t worry about the money for the wedding.  You should be able to get some of it back, and it’s cheaper to back out before the wedding than to get a divorce!!  Just be glad you are rid of him!  That sounds just awful! 

Post # 13
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

you are not only an idiot, no one that loves you should ever call you that! I could never imagine being with someone that treats me so crappy and makes me feel low. You deserve better and you’re smart and strong and that’s why you’re here writing this! good luck!

Post # 14
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My dear, I could have written your post exactly when I was in a relationship with a jerk when I was 26 years old- the similarities are astounding. The way he speaks to you is completely manipulative as are his actions- doing awful things and then repenting and pretending to be perfect to get you back only to fall back into his ways all over again. He is not ready to get married,he is insecure, he doesn’t respect you and you need to 100% move on! I know it’s hard and you’ve invested a lot into this relationship both emotionally and financially, but leave him and it will all get better over time. I know that you feel pressure from your family AND his, but remember that ultimately your family wants you to be happy. All of that other stuff does not matter if you are not healthy and happy. Also, and I learned this the hard way, ALWAYS, ALWAYS TRUST your intuition and don’t let anyone tell you or try to convince you of otherwise. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. Better to end this now, than marry this douche and have to go through a divorce or prolonged mental abuse, because that’s what this is.

Post # 15
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I had to come to terms with this with an ex, so as hard as it is to hear, hopefully it can give you some peace as it did me.

You are his second choice.

He is continually leading you on because you are his failsafe.  You are the one he can always go back to if he gets rejected.  He can’t lose you because you are the safety net and his ego boost.

And you don’t deserve to be ANYONE’s second choice. 

You’ll find someone who treats you the way you should be treated.

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