Post # 1
Hi girls…. sooooo… I have seen on here that plenty of you have sadly been in my situation, kinda made me feel better that I am not some sort of crazt loon! But still I’m sat here feeling like I’ve well and truly buggered things up… You may remember I posted on here that I found out he’d bought a ring already so I knew it was kinda on the cards, two weeks and nothing, he had hinted it might be soon but he has been saying this for a LONG time and nothing even so much as starts to happen… I have lost all faith in him getting his bum into gear and just dragging his feet, his mother is away at the moment and we don’t have a good relationship with her at all, I really wanted it to be while she was away – not to spite her but because I want a few days of happiness to enjoy it before she starts causing the inevitable trouble which she will cause, it’s not the end of the world as we are strong when it comes to her but you know, I just wanted to take the opportunity to enjoy it, so I got myself all worked up when we went out for dinner yesterday for valentines, all day nothing, even a lovely plane flew overhead saying Will You Marry Me…(it had someone elses name after the marry me bit) we picked our son up from nursery and I though ‘ok it’ll be over dinner or after dinner later’ still nothing, as time went on I decided he’d bottled it or that I had got it wrong and although I tried to be loving and happy deep down I was gutted… This morning he knew something was wrong, he kept asking and I’m thinking ‘surely he can work this out for himself!?’ nope…! I blurted out that I was sad that yesterday didn’t entail what I thought it would and that I felt it was history repeating itself… it turns out he was planning something for two days time because he thought I would think vtines day proposal would be cheesy… i have ruined it, he wanted to suprise me, I still have no idea what it was and he hasn’t said he’s changed his mind or cancelled anything but why oh why didn’t he just say – ‘ trust me I have got it in hand and you have to rely on me this time’ Why even tell me in a few days he had planned it, he’s blaming me for ruining the surprise which I guess I have but he could have just reassured me instead of saying that…I should have had more faith in him but after 2 years of him promising he will get involved in talking about our future more he never has – each time I have been told to give him more time and to no avail… this time when I snapped I got it wrong and he really did have something planned…
Shall we just drop it and then pretend its a surprise when it happens in a few days? It’s too fake to do that now because I know and he knows I know etc… oh god…I feel like it all is fake, it’s either going 🙁 I feel gutted…
Post # 3
You aren’t the first to ‘ruin’ the date and won’t be the last. I didn’t bug it out of him for mine, so much as he accidently left so many clues around the house I figured out it would be at Christmas (though never told him, to this day, that I knew!).
I knew it was coming and couldn’t sleep. I woke up and every 30 seconds I was like “now… hmmm… I wonder if it will be now!”. Whenever there was a break or a moment I just was so excited!
Anyways, because I had guessed for about 3 weeks that he was proposing on Christmas, I decided I wouldn’t cry or be suprised at all, cause I knew. I knew to prepare. Well, let me tell you that he proposed while opening gifts (like I figured) and it was STILL amazing, romantic and I cried like crazy.
In the end, did I ruin it? Not at all. I was so thrilled and still suprised and shocked that I have no regrets about my proposal.
Don’t worry about knowing the date or even knowing the time. Trust me– it will still be okay 🙂
Post # 4
i didn’t ruin it, exactly, but i knew it was coming, and when, he said before the end of March, i was hoping for it to be our anniversary, and i saw the ring box bulge in his pocket when we walked on the beach before dinner, and it didnt happen then cos it was too crowded, during dinner he suggested we go for a walk on the beach again after dinner, so i knew it was going to happen then, and guess what? i was still overwhelmed with emotion and got teary 🙂 so even when you know exactly when, the moment is still overwhelmingly wonderful 🙂
Post # 5
Thanks for youre replies girls, that helps a lot… the main difference with both of your stories is that your men didn’t know you knew… he does know (if he does it on the pre planned date) maybe we should both just agree that we both know it will happen that day and then clear the air and carry on with plans as he had planned already without making a big fuss… I think that might be the only way it won’t feel really strange, I read a story about someone who picked their rings with their Fiance and then they made a date to get engaged and went and had a picnic, maybe we should just see whatever he has planned as like that and then it won’t feel so strange. I am not worried about the fact that I know, that would be very exciting but what upsets me is that he said it will be in two days so now whatever we go and do that day he will know I am expecting it and it might just feel a bit fake emotion or something… I think we will have a good chat about it to clear the air and maybe just make the day he has planned a day to make our engagement official rather than a day for a ‘big proposal’ which to be fair I am not that bothered about anyway. I know I love him, he is a fab father and we have been friends for 12 years! I don’t need to know anymore than that! Thank you all – in a round about way you have really straightened this out. How lovely is it to have such a fantastic place to come for emotional support over these things. Thank God for the internet!!! xxx
Post # 6
@coo: well mine knew i was expecting it/thinking it was on that day, and he saw that on my whiteboard i was counting down to that day, but you’re right, i didn’t know for sure until i saw the ring box bulge. i don’t think he should have told you, kind of ruins the surprise a little, but i hope you guys have a wonderful day and do something special to make your engagement official 🙂
Post # 7
Hmmm… Don’t take this the wrong way please – I am really trying to make you feel better – but aren’t you a bit overthinking all of it?
I mean you have been with you wonderful man that long, you have a child together, you are finally getting the proposal and all you can think of is your worry of “ruin”?
Come on, he just wanted to make you feel better, would you feel it was any different from previous times if he really said only “i’ve got this”? If you really fell into tears and told him you were expecting it on V-day… Men are only people too, you know – he probably thougt he was doing you a favor by telling you and calming you – he could not have known that’s not want you want if you were basically telling him it is – men can’t read minds! They don’t get our hints and secret desires from thin air or our whishful thinking…
Besides – you didn’t ruin the proposal – did he propose no, he just said (when) he will do it – so in extreme you just ruined the surprise of the date but everthing else of the proposal (including the surprise where, exactly how and when precisely on that day) is still for you to discover! Don’t freak out and enjoy the great feeling that it is finally coming! 🙂
Post # 8
What a fantastically balanced reply! Thank you! You are an understanding person to see things from his side so well, I am (and probably always will be) working on being more like this but the instant I read what you were saying I knew you were right, he probably just panicked or felt angry that I was potentially ruining things, I know he is kicking himself now for saying so much but ultimately he just didn’t want me to have a complete melt down and just said anything to put my mind at rest that finally he was taking action! And yes you are 100% right there was no proposal, he just ruined it by telling my what day it was on which I probably would have guessed the second he got all jumpy and decided we were doing something out of the ordinary anyway, the only difference is I know what day and he knows I know which really doesn’t matter anyway! We just had a good chat and made up and I said to him can we just carry on this week as if this morning didn’t happen? and he said yes let’s do that and seems happy about it, I am feeling excited about the fact I know before the weekend we will finally be engaged! YIPPEEEE!! I have felt like I am holding my breath for EVER! It doesn’t make it any less exciting and to be honest it will probably just make the whole even even more emotional as we know we have overcome this bump so well… Thankyou thankyou thankyou for poinitng out how exciting this really is and re-focussing my stpid brain! I will keep you posted on ‘the event’! 🙂 xxx
Post # 9
Don’t feel bad. If guys didn’t drag their feet, girls wouldn’t ruin the proposal. Boys make me so mad how they keep the ring forever and make us feel like crap for wanting to marry them so badly, all because they want it to be ‘perfect.’ This one is definitely on him– he needs to get it together! 🙂 I don’t think you ruined anything!
Post # 10
@TigerFanRN: I agree with you!
Post # 11
This morning he knew something was wrong, he kept asking and I’m thinking ‘surely he can work this out for himself!?’
well theres your first mistake – its a global agreed fact that menfolk are not mind readers. im glad you have talked about this and are moving forward – goodluck
Post # 12
@eloping: hehe, my hubby tells me that all the time, “I’m not a mind reader…” 🙂