I think I should leave- I don't want this forced proposal anymore

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What would you do?
    Leave and just move on cause you don't want something that he has been pushed into? : (67 votes)
    44 %
    Stick with it, maybe he has something planned-massively unlikely though? : (25 votes)
    16 %
    Stick with it a bit longer and then speak to him? : (62 votes)
    40 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7279 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think you need to let go control a little. He has the ring, you dont get to tell him about his propsal. So what dinner was at 9? Was an hour was really going to make a differance? as you said , you assumed it was happening and built up all this anixeity. Trust me, I know expectations can get best of us, but regardless of him buying the ring on credit, it appears that he came to this on his own (this is without reading any of your previous posts). I say give it more time and just hush about it.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    35 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    In the nicest way possible….Chill out man!!! He has the ring in the house so the proposal is coming. Getting upset and pushing it isn’t going to make him to want to propose. It’s supposed to be a special time and rushing him isn’t going to make it special. If he has the ring then i’m sure it’ll happen soon. Just let fate take over and be patient. Congrats on the soon to be proposal

    Post # 7
    Member
    34 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    If a guy doesn’t want to propose he will not! No matter how much you push him into it, cry, beg or whatever.. But your guy seems to be on the right track of doing it and now that you know he has the ring, I think it’s time for you to let him do the rest otherwise you may ruin whatever surprise he has planned.. Just try and relax xx

    Post # 8
    Member
    3011 posts
    Sugar bee

    @amgl:  I think guys get pressured into proposals Pretty frequently. 

     

    @mollypuppy:  jeez- this poor guy. You are being waaaay too controlling. The time of the dinner matters? It sounds like you nagged him and nagged him so he just gave in and giving you what you want. The problem is, his heart is probably not completely in it. Buying a house with someone is a HUGE commitment- you should have considered how you would feel if he didn’t propose beforehand. Too late. If I were you, I’d apologize and suggest he take a few weeks to plan and try to surprise you somehow. And then stop talking about it. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    chill out. Some guys aren’t planners. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you because he didn’t have dinner reservations made a month in advance or because he used credit instead of cash. maybe he’s been secretly saving? regardless there’s nothing wrong with financing a ring esp if he has no other credit. 

     

    poor guy can’t win – you push for a proposal and now that its coming you don want it because its not good enough

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    8425 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @mollypuppy:  *HUGS*  Sorry you’re going through this.  I can understand why you’re frustrated, you want him to be as excited/eager as you for this proposal.  If marriage is something that he doesn’t want with you, you need to walk away.  When someone is forced to do something they don’t want, resentment will build.  However, I think you need to cut him some slack.  Maybe your guy isn’t a planner, or maybe he’s particularly nervous about it.  I think you need to talk to him and express how important it is for him to want to do this. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @mollypuppy:  ummmm ya never called you a terrible person and my post echoes everyone else’s thoughts.

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My FH is kind of the same way. Try to be a bit more patient. Thinking of leaving is kind of harsh, especially since he is doing what you ask, doing something to make you happy. Just because its not on your timeframe, you want to leave him? I sort of pushed my FH into proposing. He did, it wasnt the most romantic way Id dreamed of, but he did what I asked. Proposed because he loves me and he knew it would make me happy. I just spoke to him the other day about the wedding date. I feel like it was all up to me and my initiative and he just went along with it to passify me. Well no, he is a guy and they just dont get excited about this kind of stuff. In fact, it makes them nervous that they wont do it right or whatever. I thought about it and realized that he will do anything I ask (or nag) and thats good enough for me. It may not be with his initiative, but dont you like the idea of being in charge? Obviously, he will allow you to be the boss in the realtionship and will do whatever you ask. Thats an awesome quality in a guy! Who cares if he doesnt do it as soon as you ask, at least hes doing it at all and not fighting you about it. Be patient. Plus, all these things he is doing for you… house, proposal… whats next? marriage and baby right? slow life down. you have years and years as his wife, try to enjoy the in between parts. I know how you feel, ive been engaged almost 3 years now. took me a year to get him to propose.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4827 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

    I think if you have to “argue and cry and fight tooth and nail” for a guy to marry you, that’s a very bad sign.

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