Post # 1
I’m starting to have really serious doubts about my life and my relationship…
Background been together almost 4yrs, purchased house over a year ago under the agreement of proposal to follow. At the 1 year mark I started to really loose it with him, he hadnt saved a penny fr a ring, and he was constantly seeing me upset as people got engaged and we didn’t. Fast forward to 2weeks ago and he says the ring is in the house. (He still hadnt saves ao j know he has iused credit, whixh to me jut screams im doing this cause i know i NEED to, not pit of choice pr becaise i planned to)All week he has said tonight we will go out bla bla so naturally I assumed it must be tonight it’s happening.
Have been asked all week has he booked anywhere- what time do I need to be ready etc. got no answer. I asked last night at 4pm and he lied and said yes it’s sorted.When I looked at what time he called them it was afyer5pm last night. And surprisingly as it was such a late booking they could only do dinner at 9… (I’d said ideally 7.30-8).
I know it’s not happening tonight. And to be honest I’m over it. I feel like I don’t even want this anymore. I’ve had to argue and cry and fight tooth and nail for every single bit of this ‘engagement’ and why? I don’t want it like this. I don’t want something I have had to battle for, that he hasn’t done on his own accord. I think I might leave tomorrow I feel so fed up with it all.
Post # 3
I think you need to let go control a little. He has the ring, you dont get to tell him about his propsal. So what dinner was at 9? Was an hour was really going to make a differance? as you said , you assumed it was happening and built up all this anixeity. Trust me, I know expectations can get best of us, but regardless of him buying the ring on credit, it appears that he came to this on his own (this is without reading any of your previous posts). I say give it more time and just hush about it.
Post # 4
In the nicest way possible….Chill out man!!! He has the ring in the house so the proposal is coming. Getting upset and pushing it isn’t going to make him to want to propose. It’s supposed to be a special time and rushing him isn’t going to make it special. If he has the ring then i’m sure it’ll happen soon. Just let fate take over and be patient. Congrats on the soon to be proposal
Post # 5
@bklynbridetobe: the meal time isn’t the issue, it’s that he only booked it last night, so if it were going to happen tonight he would have put a bit more planning into it surely?
i have not said a word about anything since I found out the wrong was in the house, I’ve kept very quiet, initially I was trying to control alot f this because he was doing NOTHING about it.
again the fact that its credit only bothered me because he promised when we purchased the house and a year later still hasn’t saved a penny for it. (He hates credit and has none of it) so it screams to me that he still wasn’t planning on doing it, and had I not had many conversations about it he probably would have not bothered x
Post # 6
I also don’t want to push for the proposal anymore- that’s kind of what I’m saying, I feel like that’s all I done for about 9 months, and yes I guess to some extent it’s worked (he now has the ring.) but- I didn’t want it like this, I didn’t want he to ask me to marry him because of all the agruementa and tears.
So now I feel almost totally deflated about it because I don’t feel like he would have done this on his own accord. I wanted to be with him and get engaged because he wanted to spend his life with me, wanted to make it official to everyone, but at almost 4 years aNd alot of tears I now feel I’ve had to force it all xx
Post # 7
If a guy doesn’t want to propose he will not! No matter how much you push him into it, cry, beg or whatever.. But your guy seems to be on the right track of doing it and now that you know he has the ring, I think it’s time for you to let him do the rest otherwise you may ruin whatever surprise he has planned.. Just try and relax xx
Post # 8
@amgl: I think guys get pressured into proposals Pretty frequently.
@mollypuppy: jeez- this poor guy. You are being waaaay too controlling. The time of the dinner matters? It sounds like you nagged him and nagged him so he just gave in and giving you what you want. The problem is, his heart is probably not completely in it. Buying a house with someone is a HUGE commitment- you should have considered how you would feel if he didn’t propose beforehand. Too late. If I were you, I’d apologize and suggest he take a few weeks to plan and try to surprise you somehow. And then stop talking about it.
Post # 9
chill out. Some guys aren’t planners. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you because he didn’t have dinner reservations made a month in advance or because he used credit instead of cash. maybe he’s been secretly saving? regardless there’s nothing wrong with financing a ring esp if he has no other credit.
poor guy can’t win – you push for a proposal and now that its coming you don want it because its not good enough
Post # 10
@mollypuppy: *HUGS* Sorry you’re going through this. I can understand why you’re frustrated, you want him to be as excited/eager as you for this proposal. If marriage is something that he doesn’t want with you, you need to walk away. When someone is forced to do something they don’t want, resentment will build. However, I think you need to cut him some slack. Maybe your guy isn’t a planner, or maybe he’s particularly nervous about it. I think you need to talk to him and express how important it is for him to want to do this.
Post # 11
@MrsWBS: jeez how Ian I this terrible person??!
1. i did consider how I’d feel if e didn’t propose, that why we agreed it would follow the house purchase. (As stated in my OP)
2. I have also said the TIME does not bother me, so much as the fact that we can’t go at the time I would have preferred because he bpoked it last minute even though he said we would be going a week ago- once again, timing not important, lack of efforIsis what’s upset me.
3. As also sintend in my previous posts, I HAVE stopped talking about or, I haven’t so much as uttered a word for weeks.
Post # 12
@mollypuppy: ummmm ya never called you a terrible person and my post echoes everyone else’s thoughts.
Post # 14
My FH is kind of the same way. Try to be a bit more patient. Thinking of leaving is kind of harsh, especially since he is doing what you ask, doing something to make you happy. Just because its not on your timeframe, you want to leave him? I sort of pushed my FH into proposing. He did, it wasnt the most romantic way Id dreamed of, but he did what I asked. Proposed because he loves me and he knew it would make me happy. I just spoke to him the other day about the wedding date. I feel like it was all up to me and my initiative and he just went along with it to passify me. Well no, he is a guy and they just dont get excited about this kind of stuff. In fact, it makes them nervous that they wont do it right or whatever. I thought about it and realized that he will do anything I ask (or nag) and thats good enough for me. It may not be with his initiative, but dont you like the idea of being in charge? Obviously, he will allow you to be the boss in the realtionship and will do whatever you ask. Thats an awesome quality in a guy! Who cares if he doesnt do it as soon as you ask, at least hes doing it at all and not fighting you about it. Be patient. Plus, all these things he is doing for you… house, proposal… whats next? marriage and baby right? slow life down. you have years and years as his wife, try to enjoy the in between parts. I know how you feel, ive been engaged almost 3 years now. took me a year to get him to propose.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
I think if you have to “argue and cry and fight tooth and nail” for a guy to marry you, that’s a very bad sign.